Back to Where We Have Never Been
by caffinate-me
Summary: AU. What happens when two people, who are perfect for each other, meet in exactly the right place at the completely wrong time? For literature professor Katherine Beckett and writer Richard Castle, only time will tell. COMPLETE.
1. Prologue

Back to Where We Have Never Been

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or any of it's characters. I just want to borrow them and change their backgrounds a little. :)

Plot: Thirty-one year old, newly engaged, Kate Beckett, PhD, has just returned from a trip to Russia to visit her parents in New York. Her life is at an all time high: a rising star in her academic field, in loving relationship. She finds herself at a cross roads when she meets a man: a man that she loathes and finds completely intriguing at the same time.

Richard Castle is at an all time low: his daughter, Alexis, is getting ready to leave for college. He hasn't had a serious relationship in years, and he is on the brink of living alone with his mother in his New York loft. To make matters worse, he has lost his zeal for writing. All this is about to change, though, with a chance encounter with a woman who seemingly hates his guts.

But what happens when two people, who are perfect for each other, meet in exactly the right place, and the completely wrong time? Only time will tell.

* * *

><p><span>Prologue<span>

Kate dragged her suitcase through the airport, the wheels bumping over the creases in the tire floor; whirling, thumping as she trotted through the crowded space, effectively dodging and skirting the other milling patrons. It was the middle of the afternoon in New York City but Kate's body was still running on Moscow time, which ran nine hours ahead. For her, it was one in the morning.

"Yes, Mom, I just landed. I'm making my way out of JFK right now. Thank you for the prayers, I just might need them to make it through the terminal unscathed. Yes, Moscow was beautiful as always. I'll tell you all about it when I get home. Of course, I will be there for dinner. No, Mark isn't with me; he had to stay behind for another week. He told me to tell you that he can't wait to see you either. Okay, Mom, I love you. I have to go get my bags and catch a taxi. I love you too. See you soon."

Professor Katherine Beckett, PhD in Russian Literature, tapped the "end" button on her cell phone and slid it silently into the pocket of her blazer. Her stiletto heels tapped on the airport's tile floor as she continued her brisk walk through the terminal, her rolling bag whirling contently behind her. She had just arrived home from a two month stay in Moscow, and even though she was more than happy to be back on American soil, she already missed the cultured air, the rich history: good and bad. There was something about being surrounded by another language, another culture that was completely exhilarating. Now, hearing English all around her was strange.

She had spent the summer as a visiting professor at a university in Moscow, teaching a course on comparative literature: classic American to classic Russian. To Kate there was no possible comparison. American literature was crap: no history, only a few bad decisions to draw off of. Tolstoy on the other hand: nothing compared to the pain and anguish Tolstoy put poor Anna Karenina through. William Faulkner, her ass. Alas, Kate had managed to bullshit her way through six weeks of comparative analyses and hypotheses. She rolled her eyes as the wheels on her suitcase continued to thump along behind her. The kids had been bright enough though and she had been able to spend the time with her fiancé: Mark. There was something innately romantic about spending time with someone you loved in a foreign country.

Her feet slowed as she approached the tram and she ran a hand through her long light brown hair as she waited for it to show up to take her to her luggage. Her shoulders were tight from the flight and she shook them, rolling her head from side to side as she attempted to work out the kinks that had formed from the long hours sitting in the cramped seat. Her hair and skin felt sticky, her clothes smelled of recycled air. She needed a shower and a bed, maybe a day at the spa. That would definitely help. She let out a heavy sigh and her eyes fluttered shut. Just a few more minutes and she would be sacked out on her parent's couch: a two-week layover before she continued home to California.

The tram arrived to carry her to the baggage claim and Kate dragged herself onboard. The burst of energy she had mustered to make it off the plane and through the terminal dissolving suddenly with her halted movement.

Kate forced her way through the rest of the airport, collecting her bags, waving down a taxi. She could feel herself start to nod off on the slow jerking journey from Newark to the Upper West Side and sighed as her head lulled to rest against the warm glass window. It was August and in New York that meant steaming piles of garbage and stifling air. She had almost missed it. Between the school year and the summer spent abroad, she hadn't been to see her parents in a year. While she had truly missed them, she hadn't missed The City nearly as much.

She had loved New York growing up: the bustle of the city, the traffic, the lights. She had begged her parents to take her to see plays and musicals constantly as she was little, even briefly considering going to NYU or Columbia just so she could stay in the city of her childhood. Instead she had chosen to go to Stanford: a fresh start, a show of independence. She had fallen in love with California. She had fallen in love in California and seven years after they had met in graduate school, she was engaged to Mark Alexander, PhD in global economic theory. Everyone said that they were a power couple: doctors without the weight of malpractice insurance. Studying the world one former soviet country at a time. They had both fallen in love with Russia and that mutual love had led them to each other. After a couple heated and healthy debates used as foreplay, of course.

The cab pulled to a stop in rush hour traffic and Kate let out another sigh, bringing her hand up to rub her forehead. She had to stay awake, acclimate herself back to New York time. She brought her hand down to cover a jaw-cracking yawn. The shining rock on her finger caught her eye and she glanced down to look at it, study it, like she would deny that she had been doing every day since Mark had proposed two months prior, right before they had left the west coast for Russia. It was a gorgeous ring, elegant without being too over the top. The double strand ring, had little diamonds set all around both white gold bands with one larger diamond standing out in the middle. Okay, so maybe it was a little over the top, but Kate wasn't complaining. It was gorgeous and it was hers. She had to force herself not to let out a girly squeal, settling for a wide grin instead.

She was happy, so happy and her she could already imagine the look on her mother's face when she saw the ring for the first time. Then, she would allow herself to squeal as they danced around in the living room, her father watching on in pure amusement. As much as Kate loved her father, they were probably the more alike than she and her mother were, there was something about the bond between a mother and daughter that held no comparison. And this occasion was one of those times that called for that bond. It would also probably involve ice cream.

The cab crept forward and Kate's window was brought up beside a bus, the advertisement on the side catching Kate's attention, causing her to roll her eyes. The latest thriller by Richard Castle was now available on shelves. Her mother, Johanna Beckett, loved Castle's books, called them her guilty pleasure. When Kate was a teenager she had even tried to get the girl to read them, but Kate couldn't bring herself to do it. She had muddled through a couple in the beginning but once she had gotten to college and started studying the classics there was no going back. Call her a book snob but she couldn't even bring herself to look at popular fiction anymore. It was frivolous with no imagination. Well, in some cases, like that of Richard Castle, it had too much imagination: CIA operatives and former alien abductees out for revenge. Please. Kate rolled her eyes again. Her mother still kept her up to date on the latest plots. This latest book was boasted to be "An out of this world adventure in mystery and mayhem" "promises to keep you on the edge of your seat" "A new twist around every corner". Kate snorted to herself. The butler probably did it.

The cab crawled to a stop in front of parent's building and Kate pushed a wad of bills through the slit in the plastic shield, thanking the driver for his service, before kicking the door open with a stiletto clad foot. Frank, the doorman greeted her with a warm hug as he came over to help pull her large suitcase from the trunk of the car. Frank had been the doorman of the building for as long as Kate could remember. She could still remember playing with his kids in the lobby when she had been little and bringing him cookies with her mother at Christmas time.

"Hi Frank, long time no see," she greeted, returning the hug. "How is Amy?"

"Katherine, dear. It has been too long. Amy is great, thank you for asking, the kids, as well. I am going to be a grandpa!" Frank announced, beaming, as he pulled back out of the embrace.

"Oh, congratulations!" Kate replied. "Which one?"

Frank had twins- a boy and a girl- who were only one year younger than her.

"Stella. She and her husband made the announcement at dinner last night. Amy and I are so excited." Frank gushed as he pulled out her bag and the cabbie sped off, forcing its way back into the steady flow of traffic. "Frank Jr. still seems to be content to be a bachelor. Amy has been on his case constantly lately to settle down, but he seems to have no interest in it. I'm guessing you wouldn't be interested?"

Kate let out a chuckle at Frank's wiggling eyebrows as they walked through the lobby to the elevator. "Sorry, Frank, but I'm taken."

The doorman let out a low whistle as he caught sight of the rock on Kate's wiggling finger. "I see that congratulations are in order for you as well. Lucky man. Say hi to your parents for me, Katie. I will see you later."

"Goodnight, Frank."

Kate leaned against the back wall of the elevator and let a content smile pass over her lips. She was happy to be home.

* * *

><p>"Ash, that's great!"<p>

Richard Castle emerged from his office in time to hear his daughter's, Alexis, exclamation into the phone. He shook his head as he padded his way across the living room towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Alexis had been on the phone for over an hour with her boyfriend, Ashley, gushing about the classes he was signing up for his first semester at Stanford.

"Dad, guess what!" Alexis called out to him, holding the phone away from her ear for a second as she talked to her father. "Ashley got into the class he wanted. The professor Dr. Alexander is supposed to be an upcoming star in global economics. Ash is so excited. I can probably sit in on some of the classes when I go to visit, also. Isn't that great?"

Rick couldn't help but smile at his daughter's enthusiasm before a thought hit him. Visit? What?

"Wait. Visit? When are you going to visit?"

Alexis tilted her head down with a questioning glare. It was a look that easily said: _Really, Dad._

"I figured I could head out there during fall break. Ash won't be able to come home until Christmas. Plus, Mom has been bugging me to visit for a while. I begged off over the summer but a couple of days couldn't hurt, right?"

Castle nodded in resignation and let out a sigh as he slumped against the open door of the refrigerator. His little girl was growing up and in love with a boy: a boy who was leaving for college in less than a month. He listened as Alexis continued to chatter into the phone, her voice turning into a blur of words as Rick got lost in his own head, thoughts swirling through. Alexis would be leaving within a year and that just left him and his mother in his oversized loft. He hadn't had a serious relationship since his second marriage had broken up and years later he was finally starting to feel that yearning: the want of something more.

With another sigh he pushed the refrigerator door shut and made his way back to his office empty handed. His white undershirt and sweatpants rumpled from hours sitting, writing. He was tired, tired of writing, tired of his empty characters, tired of being alone. He loved his mother and his daughter, no doubt. Nothing in his life meant more to him than the two read headed women, but he couldn't help but want more. He was stuck for hours a day in his office, staring at a screen. He wanted to get out, he wanted adventure; he wanted a spark.

A couple of years before, he had considered shadowing a unit of the NYPD but the idea had fizzled after a couple of days. The guys he had been working with were nice enough, but something was missing. There was no spark, no connection. His idea of a police detective for a main character had fizzled away with it. So, instead of the series he had been planning, he had focused on a number of stand-alone books. Yes, they had all reached bestseller status but for once it still didn't seem like enough. He needed something more. Now, he just had to figure out what that "more" was.


	2. Chapter 1

Back to Where We Have Never Been 

A/N: Thank you for all of your kind reviews, comments and alerts! I only hope you continue to enjoy this story. As always, I love to hear what you think! :)

Chapter 1

Kate rolled over in her childhood bed and blinked as the morning sunlight hit her eyes. Her face broke into a jaw-cracking yawn as she stretched her hands up towards the headboard and let out a squeaky moan. Her mother always said that she stretched like a cat, and if cat's felt that good after their vertebrae had popped and their muscles, ligaments and tendons stretched after a good night sleep, then she was perfectly happy to be a cat. Perfectly happy. Cat. Heh. Kate smiled at her own little joke, before turning her head to look at the alarm clock. It was seven am. She had effectively slept for ten hours.

Her mother had greeted her with a warm twirling hug and a firm kiss to the cheek when she had stumbled through the door the night before, her bag caught on the door jam, forcing her to trip over her four inch heels. If it had been anywhere else, Kate might have been embarrassed, but at home, with her parents, she could overlook the blunder and just shrug it off as being Katie.

After a whirlwind of hellos and gentle ribbing over her stumble from her father, Kate had been whisked off to the kitchen by her mother, who, in true form, proceeded to scold her over being too skinny. Kate responded with a roll of her eyes and the argument that she was thirty-one years old and too old to be scolded by her mother. Johanna, in return, had twisted her ear, told her to stop being smart and ordered her to sit down and eat.

Kate sat down and ate, grumbling that she ate plenty she was just thin and she ran to keep in shape. That was bound to burn off a few calories. For a fleeting moment, she considered telling her mother she was so thin because of all of the amazing engagement sex she and Mark had been having, but a residual twinge from her ear warned her otherwise.

She did have to admit though, the food was delicious and ignored Johanna's knowing look as Kate helped herself to seconds before diving into the pan of brownies on the stove. She could feel her mother watching her as she ate, making idle conversation, asking her about the classes she was teaching, worrying about the dark circles under her eyes. Kate had answered simply, too tired to go into deep conversation, but promising to tell her stories in detail after she had finally slept.

Johanna had caught her hand as she picked at her brownie, pulling it close to examine the ring closely before grasping her daughter's hand warmly, tears in her eyes as she told her how happy she was for her and how proud. Jim had simply leaned over and kissed Kate on the forehead, telling her that he was proud of her and happy that Mark had finally proposed. She had admonished him for the "finally", but had silently agreed that it was about damn time. Seven years, six of which had been living together, had definitely been long enough.

Both of Kate's parents were lawyers, they had met when they were fresh-faced entry level associates yet to be jaded by the crass world of criminals and law firms. Somehow, between the backstabbing colleagues and long coffee-infused hours, they had found each other. Jim had described it as a slow burn, a growing flame of love and trust. All growing up, Kate had yearned for a spark. An instant burst of attraction that had caught her attention: held on and never let go. Instead, she had gotten a slow burn as well, a debate that had turned into a friendship, which had led to flirting and a relationship. Love was love and she was happy. She had what her parents had, and when she saw how they still looked at each other across the table after thirty-five years together, she couldn't ask for anything more.

Kat reached down and dragged her suitcase over to the side of the bed, too comfortable to get up yet, but still wanting to pull out her running clothes. It was Saturday, meaning that her parents wouldn't be up for another hour, giving her plenty of time to go for a run and get some coffee before breakfast was ready. She sighed as she slid open the zipper. There was something about going home that always brought out the kid in her, excited over Saturday breakfast of pancakes, eggs and bacon. Oh, bacon. Her stomach grumbled at the thought of it. Slowly, she forced herself to slide out of bed and stretched again as her feet sank into the plush carpet and she padded her way to the bathroom.

A few minutes later she was out the door and skipping down the stairs, iPod securely in her hand, ear buds in her ears and debit card nestled securely in her shoe as she made her way out onto the already bustling sidewalk of New York City. She ran for miles, up and down the city sidewalks, winding through the blocks. Briefly, she had debated running through Central Park, but her nose has scrunched at the idea. It didn't matter the time of day she had never felt safe alone on the paths in the park. She had seen the news reports, read plenty of gory details. Kate Beckett had no intention of becoming a statistic, so, she would take her chances with the angry, high-strung Wallstreet suits instead.

She dodged one last business man, briefcase swinging, before she slowed to a walk and continued down the sidewalk, chest heaving with breath, her arms curled over her head as she cooled down. The city's temperature was already scorching and it wasn't even nine am. Kate's hair was plastered to her forehead and neck and she lifted the hem of her tank top to brush the sweat from her face.

She stopped for a moment, debating her next actions. It may be hot out but she still needed coffee. Coffee was her reward for running. If anyone ever said that operant conditioning and positive reinforcement didn't work, they had obviously never been exposed to Kate Beckett and her love of caffeinated beverages.

She glanced around again, using her hand to shield her eyes from the rising sun, now peeking over the shorter skyscrapers. There was a bookstore across the street that boasted a coffee shop as well. That was too good to pass up. Coffee and books? It was her lucky day. Besides, she had just run for over an hour, she deserved two rewards today.

Without a second thought she made her way across the crosswalk and pulled out her ear buds as she yanked the heavy wood and glass door open. The rush of air conditioning hit her overheated skin and the scents of coffee, chocolate and vanilla wafted towards her. She couldn't help but smile. Who could ask for anything more?

* * *

><p>Richard Castle wasn't one to stroke his own ego, but every once in a while he couldn't help but do his own reconnaissance of book sales. Today was one of those days. He hadn't slept well, in fact the only sleep he had gotten was a couple of hours of tossing and turning as his blocked brain tried to squeeze some semblance of a plot line out of him. The attempt had failed and he was left plot-less and sleep deprived.<p>

So, instead of wallowing in self-misery for hours in his office again today he had decided to do some people watching: a beloved pass-time of writers. Gaining inspiration for those surrounding him. The fact that his ego and self-esteem got a little lift every time he saw someone pick up one of his books was just an added bonus. Really.

There was already a good crowd in the bookstore when Rick arrived Saturday morning and he took in a deep breath as he stood in silent appreciation of the tomes of paper pages and ground coffee beans. He checked his twitter account and email as he waited in the line for coffee, glancing up in time to see a woman in a tank top and jogging shorts reach down into her shoe to pull out her credit card to pay the cashier and couldn't help but smile at the barista's grimace at the thought of the foot sweat covered card. The woman said something and the boy behind the counter laughed, effectively forgetting about the card and swiping it through the machine before handing it back to her. The woman walked down to the other end of the counter, her back still towards him and he turned his attention back to the line, stepping forward as his turn inched closer.

Rick wandered through the stacks, sipping the hot liquid out of cardboard cup as he tolled the aisles, looking for something, anything to peek his interest. He had skulked around a corner, watching the center display tables for a few minutes and had been appeased to see people picking up a couple of his novels. Now, he was looking for something more interesting.

He turned another corner and stopped short as he saw a woman sitting cross-legged in the middle of the aisle, her brow scrunched in concentration as she perused through the rows of books. He could tell by her clothing and the curly mass of hair thrown back in a bun on her head that she was the same woman he had seen in the coffee line, but this time he had the chance to see her face and he found himself breathless as he watched her. She was beautiful and more than that, there was something about her: an air, a confidence.

"Extraordinary," he expelled in a breath, barely audible to anyone but himself but he saw her head turn towards him anyway. Apparently the woman also had superhuman hearing.

She raised a single eyebrow at him as he continued to gawk like a star-struck teenager before turning back to her mission, pulling a single volume off of the shelf to add to the growing pile at her side.

When Rick had decided that he either had to leave or approach her to avoid looking like a complete miscreant, he took in a deep shaky breath, pasted a cocky grin onto his face, puffed out his chest slightly and took a step forward.

Her body shifted, so he could that she knew he was drawing nearer to her, but she still paid him no attention. Her gaze never left the shelf in front of her, her hand bringing her coffee cup to her lips every few seconds for another sip.

"You know, these stuffy old classics are too boring for someone was gorgeous as you," he started when she continued to ignore him after another minute.

She stilled for a moment before pushing herself off of the floor collecting her books and coffee as she rose. His face broke into a wide smile as he waited for her to look at him. Then his, self professed, charming smile, slipped as she rolled her eyes and continued to ignore him. Staring at the top shelf of the bookcase instead.

"Hi," he tried again, extending his hand slightly, "I'm Richard Castle, the author."

"I know who you are Mr. Castle," she replied slowly, her eyes never stopping their task of reading the titles. "I've seen your face on enough glossy book jackets."

"Oh, so you are a fan then."

"No. I never said I was a fan. I merely said I know who you are," she paused her shopping long enough to glance up at him with a tight smile.

Castle, watched, stunned, as the woman in front of him went back to the shelf, looking for a specific title. Her lips moved gently as she read the names silently to herself.

Had she just blown him off?

"Well, have you at least read some of them?" He continued, not sure why, but he wanted to know what the woman thought. This woman standing in front of him in a tank top and jogging shorts, hair in a messy bun and ear buds hanging around her neck, resting on her bare shoulders.

"Yes."

"And?" he prompted. "What did you think?"

Her hand paused on the shelf, sliding the spine of a book gently back into place with one finger. Her eyes flickered up to him and a small smirk covered her face.

"You don't want to know," she laughed out with a small shake of her head.

"Yes, I do," he pressed. For some reason, he truly did want to know what she thought. He didn't care about the other co-eds and housewives that were buying his books at that very moment, twittering over them standing in line. He cared about her opinion. The one woman in the store that didn't give a rat's ass who he was or that he was hitting on her. Well, trying to hit on her. It wasn't working too well.

"No. I may damage that precious ego of yours and I don't think you could handle that." Her nose crinkled up at him as her voice took on a slightly mocking tone.

Was she seriously talking down to him?

Castle felt a swell of anger bubble up from his chest. Who was she to sit in judgment of him or his ego? Fine, two could play at this game.

"Try me."

She turned to look at him, arms crossed over her chest. She was tall, but in her running shoes she still had to look up at him, her chin raised gently to lock her eyes with his. Her beautiful green eyes. Castle gulped slightly.

"Fine. You really want to know what I think? I think your plots are tawdry, your characters are underdeveloped and your killer can always be named by the second chapter. You use cheap tricks and flash to cover up your lack of literary talent and you pander yourself to the 18-45 female demographic with cheesy secondary story lines that read like a cheap romance novel. You happy?"

She brushed past him, pile of books resting in the crook of her arm, as she made her way toward the check out line. He stood, blinking, for a moment before snatching the cup of coffee she had left behind, off the shelf, and followed after her, a small smile playing on his lips. Oh, she was good.

"What's your name?" He asked as he came up behind her in line holding his arm out so that her forgotten coffee was hovering in front of her face.

"Why?" She asked as she snatched the cardboard cup from his hand and brought it automatically up to her lips. No thank you, no other acknowledgement.

Rick shrugged even though she was still facing away from him. "No one has ever told me something like that to my face before, normally I only get it from behind the shield of a critical review or from hate mail."

She glanced back at him, curiosity dancing with in the distaste and apathy flickering over her expression. She bit her lower lip as she looked him over for a moment, her eyes traveling up and down his body; studying his face to try to decipher his game. Her brow scrunched.

Finally, she sighed and angled her body sideways so she could face him more easily. Her answer was short, one syllable. Annoyed. "Kate."

"Hi Kate, I'm Rick. It is nice to meet you."

She let out a humph, her lips pursed, in reply to his wide grin and the childlike twinkle in his eye.

"So," he continued, unfazed. "What do you do for a living? You're not a book critic are you because that would be a little too cliché for me?"

She let out a small bark of a laugh at that and he could feel his grin widening.

"No, I am not a book critic. I teach literature at Stanford."

Castle couldn't help but perked up at her answer. A full sentence? Maybe she was starting to soften a little. He had that affect on women.

"Really? Any specific type of literature?"

She eyed him critically again as she inched forward in line. "Russian."

Or maybe not, she was back to the one-word answers.

"That's hot."

Kate rolled her eyes again. "Is this your attempt to hit on me? Because, trust me, it is not working."

Rick smiled. Yes it was, in both aspects.

"No, but the idea of someone as beautiful as you speaking Russian is definitely hot. I was simply stating a fact."

She had the decency to blush slightly as a she brought a hand up to roll a loose lock of hair behind her ear. She was holding the stack of books precariously in her arm while her other hand stiff grasped her coffee.

"Thanks, I think," She mumbled in reply.

Castle was about to say something else when she was called up to pay. He wandered past the line of registers, cashiers and customers to lean against the wooden doorframe, waiting for her to finish. She thanked the cashier with a smile and a wave before heading towards him and stopped short when she saw him waiting for her.

She let out an exasperated breath. "What now?"

"Have dinner with me. I would invite you out to coffee, but you already have some. So dinner. Please?"

She walked around him, pushing through the doors, and he pivoted in place to follow her out like a puppy.

She help up her left hand, wiggling her fingers a little so that the morning light flashed with the movement of the rock sized diamond on her forth finger. "Taken, Mr. Castle."

Castle felt his stomach clench as he looked at the ring. How had he missed that before? He let out a small sigh. He couldn't give up, he hadn't been this interested in a woman in years, if ever, and he had only spent ten minutes with the woman. A woman, mind you, who had been blowing him off and insulting him the entire time. Oh, man, he was sunk.

"Just as friends then. I want to pick your brain a little bit more. Please? I promise I won't try anything."

He came to a sudden stop as she whirled around on the sidewalk to face him. Looking up at him with annoyance written clearly on her face. He let out a slight whimper as he gulped at her glare. Her fiancé was probably completely whipped and perfectly happy to be so.

Castle help up his hands in mock surrender as he deflated slightly. "I promise I will be a perfect gentleman. I've just had a difficult time writing lately and well, to be honest, you intrigue me. I want to talk. That's it."

She brought her fingers up to pinch the bridge of her nose as she looked down and shrugged her shoulders. "Okay, fine, but if you try anything, I can promise you I know karate."

She pointed a finger at him and he couldn't help but smile at her response, blatant, and probably not idle, threat included.

"Tomorrow?" He proposed. "There is an old writer's bar called The Old Haunt. Meet you there at 7?"

She bit her lip again, a tick that he couldn't help but find adorable, and nodded her head in agreement. "Tomorrow. Goodbye, Mr. Castle."

He watched as she turned and continued down the sidewalk, plugging her headphones back into her ears as she purposefully walked away.

"Until tomorrow, Kate," he called loud enough for her to hear and watched with a wide grin as she waved a hand in reply and dismissal.

Oh, he had it bad.


	3. Chapter 2

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: So, I have said this before in other A/Ns, but it is worth repeating: you guys rock. I am so happy you are enjoying this story. I know it is AU, but I am trying to keep it as close to being in character as possible. As always, love hearing what to you think and I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 2<span>

Kate stopped and leaned back against the rough brick wall the moment she turned the corner of the block.

What the fuck had just happened? Did she just agree to a date with Richard Castle?

Yes, it was a platonic date, but still. Kate shook her head as she rested her back against the dirty wall. She hadn't wanted to say yes. In fact, she had done everything she could think of, short of actually telling him to go away and leave her alone, to make him know she was not interested.

Why hadn't she just told him to go away?

She sighed again and took the last, cold, swig of her coffee from her cup, the cup he had returned to her, before tossing it into the trashcan on the corner. She could always just not show up. He didn't know her last name, her phone number or where she was staying. They had agreed to meet at a bar at a certain time. She could very well just not go and forget that this day ever happened. She chewed on her lip gently. The problem was that she wanted to go. As much as the man had pestered her and she couldn't stand his writing, she wanted to go and see what he wanted with her.

He had approached her, he had chased her, he had continued on long past other man would have given up. He had done all of this for a platonic dinner date, a chance to "pick her brain". Kate didn't get it. The least she could do was show up and find out what exactly he wanted her help with. If he tried anything she could just leave.

Kate nodded her head at her decision. That's what she would do. Now she just had to figure out why, exactly, she was doing this in the first place.

Pushing herself off of the wall, Kate set out to wander the few blocks back to her parent's apartment and the welcoming thoughts of breakfast.

She chose to take the elevator up when she made it back to the building and wandered slowly down the hall and through the door to the apartment, ear buds stuffed in her ears, music turned up to drown out the sounds of the world around her. Frank had probably said something to her as she made her way through the lobby but she hadn't heard. She was still stuck in her head, replaying the surreal events of the past hour.

After she had gotten her coffee she had briefly stopped by the business and economics section followed by the world politics shelf to pick up a couple of titles Mark had texted to her that she should read. When the market crashed in 2008, Mark had been finishing up his dissertation and was ecstatic about the chance to study such an important turn of events in global economics. While the rest of the world had mourned and panicked, Mark had celebrated. Kate, as much as she loved him and as much as she had listened, had tried and failed to follow many of his theories. Sometimes, it was like they were speaking to each other in foreign tongues: literature to economics. English to math. So, they tried to teach each other. These books were yet another lesson that Kate promised herself she would get through before he came back to town.

She had been looking through the shelves of fiction and literature when she felt him watching her. She had heard him whisper something, a single word that she had had the feeling she wasn't supposed to have heard and it had caught her attention. Well, that and the wide-eyed, panicked look she had received when she had glanced up and he had realized she had heard him. She hadn't seen that look on a man's face since Brian Messer in the tenth grade had fumbled trying to ask her to the spring dance.

She had tried to ignore him, pulling out every trick in the book to get her to leave her alone but he just kept coming back. She had ignored him, insulted him, belittled his work, walked away and he had just kept coming back, like a boomerang. An insistent, annoying, really good smelling boomerang.

Kate shook her head again. No. Bad Kate.

And what was with the bad pick-up lines?

"Katie!"

Kate jumped as she felt a hand clap down on her shoulder and spun around in time to see her father raise his hands in surrender.

"Dad? What? Why would you do that?" Kate wheezed out as she struggled to catch the breath that had just been startled out of her.

She yanked the earphones out of her ears and glared as her father began to laugh at her reaction.

"Your mother and I have been calling you over and over. You didn't hear."

Kate looked around. She was standing in the middle of her parent's living room, bag still in hand. "Oh, sorry. I was lost in thought. What's up?"

"We were just wondering where you were, you missed breakfast," Johanna called as she wandered out from the kitchen, using a towel to dry her hands.

"I, what? What time is it?" Kate looked up at her mother, confused. She hadn't been gone for that long.

"It's after eleven, sweetheart."

Kate felt her jaw drop. Seriously?

"I, um, sorry. I ran into someone. We got to talking. I must have lost track of time."

Kate shook her head again as she turned towards her room. She continued in a mumble. "I'm going to go take a shower. I'll be out in a few minutes."

She wandered silently into her room, missing the questioning look that passed between her parents. She toed off her shoes as she laid the bag of newly purchased books on the bed and wound the headphones around her iPod and placed it gently on the nightstand.

She shook her head one last time as she stripped off her tank top and shorts and stepped into the shower. Great, now, Richard Castle had made her miss breakfast.

* * *

><p>"Hey, babe." Kate smiled as she heard her fiancé's voice float through the speaker. "How's New York."<p>

Kate sighed and snuggled deeper into her bed. It was eleven o'clock at night and she was just going to sleep, meaning that Mark was just waking up in Moscow. "New York is interesting. My parents are doing well. My father said it was, and I quote, "about damn time that man proposed to you" when I showed him the ring. My mother said she can't wait to see you. How's Russia? Any major events take place in the past forty-eight hours that I should know about?"

Mark chuckled on the other end of the phone. "No, nothing too interesting."

Kate paused at his tone. There was something there, something was wrong. "Mark? What's up, you sound funny."

"What? Oh, nothing. Just tired, still waking up, you know?"

Kate nodded her head slowly even though he couldn't see her. "Okay. Sure."

She still didn't believe him.

"Kate, I promise, nothing is up. So, you have any plans for the next couple of days?"

Kate bit her lip at the topic change but simply let out a resigned sigh. She wouldn't get anything else out if him, especially over the phone. She couldn't read his expression; he wouldn't see her glare. The buffer of distance definitely gave him the advantage in this conversation.

Her thoughts drifted to the events of the morning and her impending "date" with Richard Castle, self proclaimed Master of the Macabre. She let out a soft snort at the inane title before letting her thoughts move back to the man waiting patiently on the other end of the phone for her to answer. She could tell him, it wasn't like she was doing anything wrong.

"Actually," she started with a small chuckle. "I am meeting Richard Castle for dinner tomorrow."

Kate brought a hand up over her eyes, looking out with one through a slit in her fingers as silence met her on the other end.

"Mark? You still there?"

"Richard Castle?" He finally replied. "The author?"

"Yeah," Kate continued with another small laugh. "It's a really weird story, actually. I stopped by a bookstore after my run this morning and I ran into him inside. We started talking and he said he wanted to have dinner with me, pick my brain about something."

"It sounds like he was trying to pick you up, not pick your brain," Mark argued. Kate could hear the slight tinge of jealousy in his voice. It was kind of cute, if annoying at the same time.

"Trust me, I made it more than clear that I was not available but he said that he wasn't trying anything he just wanted to talk, get my opinion about something for his books, I think. I don't know, it was weird, but I am meeting him at some writer's bar tomorrow night. I figure, I can at least find out what he wants."

Mark sighed into the phone and Kate could tell that he was still annoyed. "Well, have fun I guess. I've got to go, I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll see you in a few days."

"Yep. Bye, babe."

Kate slid the phone onto her side table and sighed before rolling over onto her side, pillowing her hands under her head and drawing her knees up towards her chest. Well, that had gone well.

She wasn't worried about Mark's small twinge of jealousy. That was how he was, and she just always chose to ignore it, doing whatever she wanted instead. He couldn't control her and he knew it.

She was worried, though, about his avoidance of her questions. He was never evasive. She sighed and nestled her head a little farther into her pillow. She was probably just thinking too much into it. She would press him more when she could see him face to face, when she had the advantage. Everything would be fine. Just fine.

* * *

><p>Kate took a deep breath as she walked down the steps to the entrance of The Old Haunt and steeled herself as she pulled open the heavy wooden door. She had to admit, the place had an air about it, a feeling of history and a warm glow filled her belly as she took a deep breath, taking in the scents of stale beer and mixed nuts.<p>

Why exactly was she doing this again?

She had spent the last thirty hours trying to come up with some sort of sound reasoning behind her actions. Every time she had come up blank. Nada. Nothing. Niet.

She glanced down at her outfit one last time. Her hair was down, falling in soft curls. She was wearing dark washed jeans and a simple red flowing tank top under a light blazer. Her four-inch 'don't fuck with me' stiletto heels completed the ensemble. It's not like she cared what she looked like for this meeting; she just wanted him to know that she didn't care what she looked like for this meeting. That is exactly what this outfit said. Well, maybe except for the heels. Those were just for fun and so that he no longer had the advantage of height. She had seen the way he had been gazing down at her in the bookstore, trying to disarm and charm her. Well, two could play at that game and it was her time to take the offensive instead of playing defense.

Kate groaned to herself, when had she started to think in sports metaphors?

Satisfied with her outfit, she turned her attention to her surroundings. There was a piano in the back corner, an older gentleman playing a lively jazz melody. It was a quiet place, a couple of patrons at the bar, a few more gathered around various tables.

He looked up the minute she spotted him at the table and their eyes locked across the room. Kate's breath caught in her chest as a broad smile crossed his face and she found herself moving towards him.

"You came," he stated as he rose from the booth, motioning for her to sit on the bench.

"You're observant," she responded before she could filter her words. She was here, and she had to admit it was cute how excited he was to see her. The least she could do was be civil.

"Ah, so you're always this way, huh?" Rick grinned in reply to her glib comment.

Kate couldn't help but let a small smile crack. "I have been called a smart ass more than once, Mr. Castle. That is a fact."

"Rick. Please, call me Rick. It sounds weird to be called Mr. while having dinner with a beautiful woman."

Kate paused, her eyebrow rising slightly as she looked at him. "Are you going to continue to hit on me because I have already told you it isn't going to work?"

"Not a pass, a fact."

Kate huffed out a sigh. "Rick…"

She paused again, feeling the way his name felt as it rolled off her tongue. That wasn't right. Her nose scrunched up slightly as her mouth pursed. No, that wasn't going to work.

"Fine, Castle. So, why exactly did you want to meet me?"

Castle smiled at the nickname as he raised a hand and signaled to the bartender, effectively ignoring her question. "You like beer?"

She replied with a single jerking nod and he held up two fingers, smiling as the bartender nodded in reply and flipped up two glasses. With in seconds both glasses were on the table in front of them.

"So, you like the place? It has a certain charm, right."

Kate opened her mouth to question him again, but ended up snapping it shut and nodding instead.

"Yes, it is very nice. There seems to be a certain air about it, a history."

Castle beamed at her answer, leaning forward slightly. "This place has been around for years, at first it was a blacksmith before it became a bordello. It was only during Prohibition that it turned into a bar- a speakeasy. It almost went under about a year ago when the owner was murdered. Gnarly story really, I heard about it through a buddy of mine and ended up buying it instead of letting it go to the bank."

Kate felt her eye brows raise of their own volition. "You own this bar?"

"Yep," Castle preened as he took a gulp of beer.

"I wrote my first novel in that booth right over there," he continued as he pointed to a table over her shoulder. "I couldn't just let this place get turned into a co-ed hang out. It has history, it should stay that way."

Kate felt herself soften a little bit. That was sort of sweet.

"Of course, telling women that you own a bar is also a great pick-up line."

Kate's smile fell and her face went blank. And, he was back.

She shifted in her seat again, pushing a clump of hair behind her ear. "So, why exactly did you want to meet with me, again?"

He folded his hands on the table in front of him as he let out a resigned sigh. She wasn't going to let him off the hook that easy. "I want you to critique my work."

Kate paused, her pint of beer half way to her lips. He what? "Excuse me?"

He sighed as he deflated slightly in his chair, a hand coming up to run through his hair, making it stand up in various directions.

"I haven't written in months. Everything that I have written lately has been complete crap. I know what you are going to say, anything I have ever written is crap and that may be the truth but I want to make my work better. I want to do more than just tell cheap stories with substandard plot lines and two-dimensional characters. I want you to help me make my work less tawdry, as you put it."

Kate continued to stare at him, her drink now forgotten on the table, a small ring of perspiration beginning to form at its base.

"Why me? You don't even know me."

Castle took in a deep breath. "Katherine Beckett, Professor of Russian Literature at Stanford University which is also your alma mater. You earned your bachelor degree in 2002 from Stanford. You double majored in English and comparative religion with a minor in political science. You went on to earn your Master's and subsequently your PhD. You graduated in 2008 from UCLA with your doctorate of philosophy in comparative literature. You debated slightly between French and Russian before finally deciding on the latter. You are said to be one of the best in your field, someone to watch. You have written a number of papers and given even more presentations blasting American Literature and popular fiction. Because of this, it is safe to assume that you hate my guts, well my literary guts at least."

Kate's eyebrows, which had continued to rise during his entire recitation of her CV, finally froze just below her hairline. "How did you…?"

Castle shrugged as he brought his beer to his lips. "I Googled you."

Kate shook her head again, giving him a small disbelieving glare. It seemed she was doing that a lot lately. "So, why…?"

"Why do I want you to look at my stuff?" He finished and she huffed.

She would get out a full sentence at some point during the evening.

"Because I know you will give me an honest opinion. Besides, I like you. You're spunky."

* * *

><p>Castle's fingers tapped on the tabletop nervously as she continued to stare at him: weighing him, measuring him, trying to figure out his game.<p>

She began to speak slowly, her fingertips pressed into the wooden table. The beers he had ordered for them sat forgotten, condensation slowly forming and dripping to coat the finished wood.

"So, let me get this straight…" she began, her eyes traveling to meet his from where they had been studying the patterns in the wood. She had an expression on her face that crossed between confusion and exasperation. It caused a series of small lines to form between her eyes and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and smooth them down. "You want me to perform a critical analysis of your book because I already hate your work."

"And because you're spunky," he piped up. "Don't forget that."

"Spunky. Right."

She gave a brisk nod of her head before pressing down on her hands and pushing herself out of the seat. "Goodbye, Mr. Castle."

Castle watched bewildered as she turned back towards the door and started down the aisle.

"What? Wait!" He called as he scrambled out of his own seat and followed her into the warm New York evening. The sun was starting to set and a hazy glow covered the city street.

"Why?" He continued his one-word alliterate questions as he tagged along down the street, jogging slightly to catch up to her brisk pace.

When he had first seen her heels, the way they made her legs even longer, stronger, he had let out a slight whimper. Frat boys probably signed up for her classes just to stare at her and, in the end, gladly took the incomplete or failing grade just because it was worth it. But now he saw a secondary reason for the heels: they made her legs longer and therefore she could walk faster.

She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and whirled around to face him, giving him a strange sense of déjà vu from the morning before. "Because I already have a job Mr. Castle, one that I am about to go back to in a couple of weeks. And I have a life that I would like to focus on for the rest of my vacation. So, if you would excuse me, I am going to go now and I would implore you not to follow me."

Castle watched as she turned and continued to walk away from him, reaching to pull a phone out of her pocket as she wound her way through the other pedestrians. She shook her head, flipping her hair to lie over one shoulder and he felt his heart sank.

"Wait!" He called again as he ran up behind her and reached out with one hand to catch hers.

He felt a small shock shoot up his arm at the touch, making his skin tingle and glow. Kate stopped suddenly causing him to come inches from running into her back. He felt her body go ridged and lungs take up a small gasp of air.

She turned once again, to look at him but this time there was no anger or amusement, only confusion.

She had felt it, too.

"If you change your mind," he explained softly, reaching into his pocket with his free hand to pull out a slip of paper. "Call me."

She reached up slowly, her eyes never leaving his and softly grasped the torn corner of paper with a barely visible nod of her head.

He dropped her hand with one last squeeze of her fingers, his thumb glancing softly across her skin, and turned to walk down the sidewalk in the opposite direction, leaving her frozen in the middle of the street.


	4. Chapter 3

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: Here is a short one to tide you over until my assorted papers, projects and presentations are done for the week. woo. Once again, thank you all for your kind reviews and feedback! I love reading your thoughts and comments and I am so happy you are enjoying reading this as much as I love writing it! :)

Chapter 3

Kate's pointer finger sat posed over the track pad on her laptop as she debated whether to click on the website or not. She knew everything that he had listed off about her was public record, or at least could be deduced by looking at her webpage from Stanford, but that didn't mean that she couldn't still feel violated. And fair was fair, right?

She took a deep breath and clicked.

Kate hated to admit it, but trolling the Richard Castle fan sites was actually a wealth of information, not that she would use any of it of course. She wasn't going to call him; she didn't have time to. Mark would be back state side in a few days and she wanted to spend her time being touristy with him, maybe show him some of the places she liked to hang out in as a kid. She had been thinking about those places a lot lately: Drake's Magic Shop, Comicadia. There was even a comic book store near the university she would sneak into sometimes just too look around, buy a couple new books. Everyone was allowed a guilty pleasure, and Professor Katherine Beckett's just happened to be comic books.

She scrolled through the pages silently, looking at the links, the comments. She made her way through the fan sites clicking on the biography section of each one. With every page her eyes bugged a little further out of her head. All of this could not possibly be true. Two failed marriages, a series of publicity photos, each one with a different woman hanging on his arm, sometimes even draped around him. Every page practically flaunted the fact that he was a playboy. She snorted to herself. Maybe if he spent as much time writing as he did at parties, he would become a better writer. That should be her advice. Kate shook her head; she wasn't planning on giving any advice.

Kate paused as she came across pictures of a read headed teenaged girl, smiling next to Castle at a book premiere. He wouldn't… Kate glanced down at the caption and let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding when she saw that it states she was his daughter. Her eyes shifted back to the picture, she was a pretty girl, looked like a good enough kid. Then again, so had Kate and she had definitely gotten into her fair share of trouble at that age.

She clicked back to the search engine and made her way to her favorite site for book reviews. She could at least see what people were saying about the novels. There was nothing wrong with that. She was just curious about why he wanted her help. She didn't care that he had chased after her twice or that a shock had shot straight to her heart when their hands had touched. She didn't care that she could easily get lost in his blue eyes if she wanted to. No, she did not care about any of that stuff. She was engaged, she loved Mark and she was happy. She couldn't care less about Richard Castle or his proposal. That was why she was staring at reviews of his books at one o'clock in the morning and why the slip of paper with his phone number on it was on the side table, held down securely by her phone, because she didn't care. Not at all.

The phone started to buzz and dance and Kate was startled out of her trance. She glanced over at the screen and smiled slightly at the name.

"Hey," She said softly into the phone as she brought it up to her ear, pushing her laptop off of her lap and leaning back to nestle into the stack of pillows behind her. She brought her knees up against her chest and twirled a strand of hair around a finger.

"Hey, babe. How was your date?"

Kate laughed; relieved to hear Mark's joking tone was back. "It wasn't a date, you goofball. But it went okay, I guess. He asked me to critique his books. He wants to improve his writing, his characters. He said he wants me to help him."

"Oh, well that's good, I guess. Are you going to do it?"

Kate sighed. "No, I don't have time. Not that I really want to in the first place. I want to spend time with my parents and you will be here in a few days. I want to show you around the city. I can't do that if I am making red marks all over Castle's novels."

"But you're interested. I know that tone, Katie. He got to you."

Kate's fingers tingled softly and she flexed them in response.

"He did not."

"Yes, he did. You are going into defensive mode. He totally got to you."

Kate heard the laughter in Mark's teasing tone and couldn't help but smile. "Okay, fine. He got to me. I feel bad for the guy, okay? And according to some of the reviews, his writing has been going down hill over the last few years. I mean, they are still best sellers, but since he killed off this Derek Storm guy, the quality hasn't been the same. It's sad."

Mark was silent for a minute. "I think you should do it, Katie."

Kate paused, hair twisted all around her pointer finger. "You what?"

"I think you should help the guy. If there is one thing you are really good at it is dissecting stuff, investigating; getting to the bottom of a work. You can figure out what an author was thinking just by reading a page."

Kate pushed herself up to sit cross-legged in the middle of her bed. "But you will be here in a few days, I can't possibly get finished that quickly."

There was silence on the other end of the phone.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about that, Katie."

"Mark? What's going on?"

"I got invited to be on a panel, for that conference I was telling you about. I didn't want to tell you about it earlier because nothing was confirmed, but it is next week so I would have to extend my stay in Moscow. I can tell them no, but it is a great opportunity and I would still be back in time for the beginning of the semester. I would just have to skip New York and meet you back in California."

Kate let out a slight laugh. That was it? "So, that is why you were so weird on the phone earlier because you didn't want to tell me that you wanted to stay in Moscow? Here I was thinking you were getting cold feet or found yourself a Russian supermodel."

Mark chuckle floated through the speaker. "You know me, Katie, I am many things but I am not a cheater. Besides, I already have a supermodel. Having two would just be obnoxious. Even though, I have to admit, the other economists would be extremely jealous. Have you seen those guys? Big black framed glasses and pocket protectors."

"Mark!" Kate admonished. "That is not nice. Your colleagues are perfectly nice people. Slightly socially awkward but perfectly nice. And I am in no way a supermodel."

"Oh, I have evidence to the contrary. I believe there was a clothing ad involving a tennis racket that your father showed me last time we were in town…"

Kate's eye grew wide. "I'm going to kill him."

Mark laughed again. "It was cute, Katie, and now I can tell people that I am marrying a model. Trust me, I don't mind."

"Don't you dare. I was seventeen and it was one summer."

They fell into a comfortable silence and Kate lowered herself back into the pillows, snuggling down deeper as she felt her eyelids start to get heavy.

"Are you sure you don't mind about the conference?" Mark asked again, quieter.

Kate sighed and brought a hand up to rub her eyes. "No, I don't mind. It's a great opportunity and an honor. My mother will be disappointed, though. She was planning on making a pot roast for you, you know."

Mark groaned. "No, I'm going to miss the pot roast? Of all the things you got from your mother, why couldn't you get her cooking skills?"

"Hush. I've got plenty of other skills you like. You want me to trade some of those in for the ability to make pot roast?"

Mark gulped. "Nope. I'm good."

Kate laughed. "Uh huh, that's what I thought. I love you."

"I love you, too. I've got to go, the meeting is about to start. Call me later?"

"Of course. Have a good day."

Kate pressed the red button on the touched screen before letting her gaze shift over to the piece of paper fluttering slightly on the table. She picked it up, flicking the jagged edge a couple of times, letting out a huff of air, her cheeks puffing out. She looked down at it again and scrunched her nose. Well, it was not like she had anything else to do, now. Her parents would still be working during the week so she would just be sitting around by herself. This way at least she wouldn't be bored.

Slowly she picked up her phone and tapped on the text message icon.

_Okay, Castle. _She typed with her thumbs. _I'm in._

She placed the phone back on the table and clicked off the light before curling up under the blanket. The phone buzzed back with his reply and she grasped for it blindly, bringing it up to hover over her face to read his response.

She couldn't help but smiled at his overuse of capital letters, exclamation points and smiley faces.

It had nothing to do with his bright blue eyes or the tingling that she could still feel in her finger tips hours later. Nothing at all.


	5. Chapter 4

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: As always, you all rock. Thank you so much for all of the reviews, suggestions and encouragement, I really appreciate it and I am glad you are enjoying this story. Now, on to chapter 4.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 4<span>

Kate couldn't help but turn in a circle when she stepped into the loft for the first time. It was gorgeous. Together, she and Mark definitely lived comfortably but the salary of two college professors did not come anywhere near the millions that went into Richard Castle's New York City apartment.

It was late morning when Kate knocked on the door. She would have come sooner but Castle had begged off saying that he had a meeting with this publisher that couldn't wait. The underlying tone told her that he wasn't looking forward to the meeting, she had bit her tongue to keep from asking if it was because his publisher was his ex-wife or because he was still blocked on his latest novel. He definitely didn't need to know that she knew that information.

"Can I get you anything, coffee? Water? Alcohol?" Castle questioned as he made his way over to the kitchen island.

Kate followed behind him, hanging her purse on the back of one of the chairs by the kitchen island.

"Coffee would be great, thanks. This place is gorgeous." Kate responded as she took a step back towards the living room, hands slipped into the back pockets of her jeans, her heels clicking on the floor softly.

"Thank you. It was one of the luxuries I allowed myself when I hit it big. Well, this and the Ferrari down stairs," Castle responded as he gathered the supplies and started the coffee pot.

"What? No private jet?" Kate quipped back.

"No," Castle answered over the gurgle of brewing coffee. "I just borrow Patterson's if I need a lift."

Kate couldn't help but smile at the answer as she made her way back over to the island where Castle was holding out of ceramic mug to her. Truth be told, it was a little hard not to relax when the other person in the room was barefoot in worn jeans and a Green Lantern t-shirt. Maybe one day she would bust out her Wonder Woman shirt and throw him for a complete loop.

"I didn't know how you liked your coffee but sugar is on the counter and cream and milk are in the fridge. Help yourself," he continued as she grasped the warm mug and moved around behind him into the kitchen.

The silence that followed was awkward as they both held in questions that they wanted to ask, but didn't know how.

"So," Castle started again. "Why did you change your mind?"

Kate shrugged. What was she going to say? My fiancé decided he wanted to stay in Russia for another week and even though I said it was okay, I'm still kind of pissed so I said I would help you to a. annoy him and b. so I wouldn't be completely bored for the next twelve days?

Not quite.

"I didn't have anything better to do."

Castle let out a small snort. "And here I was thinking that you were taken by my charming wit and my dazzling personality."

It was Kate's turn to snort. Castle pushed himself off of the counter with his hip and began to make his way across the apartment calling over his shoulder for her to follow.

"Come into my office and I will show you where the magic happens."

Kate continued to look around, taking in the various knickknacks and artwork around the apartment. Somehow, she wasn't surprised to see a mixture of original art pieces mixed in with action figures adorning the shelves. This was Rick Castle they were talking about, after all.

"So, is it just you here?" She asked as they neared the door to his office. She already knew the answer, he had a daughter, but he didn't need to know that.

"No," Castle called back over his shoulder. "I have custody of my daughter and my mother lives here, with us, as well."

Kate stopped at the threshold of the office as he made his way over to the desk and couldn't contain her small laugh. That was news. "You live with your mother?"

Castle huffed, pinning her with an exasperated look. "My mother lives with me and, no, I am not ashamed of it."

Kate held up her free hand in surrender. "Sorry."

Castle let out a stiff nod and held out a stack of papers bound by three brass pins on the side.

"Here is the rough draft of my latest novel. So, how do you want to do this?"

Kate took another step into the room and reached out for the pages. She shrugged slightly. She had never done anything like this before. Normally, she was looking at two works and comparing them: theme, characters, setting, syntax, etc. This was something completely new.

"I guess I will look it over and go from there."

* * *

><p>Castle watched her, perched in the chair at his desk, as she sat in the overstuffed black leather chair by the door, one leg crossed over the other, foot dangling as the toe of her stiletto tapped silently at the air. She made another red mark on the page and he couldn't help but grimace. He didn't even know where the red marker had come from. She must have pulled it from her pocket or had it hidden up her sleeve or something. Not that her current outfit had any sleeve in which to hide something.<p>

"I can feel you staring at me, Castle," she grumbled, head never leaving the page she was reading. "It's kind of creepy."

Castle startled slightly and jumped in his seat as he adjusted himself, looked for something anything to do. Oh, a yo-yo. Perfect.

"Staring? I wasn't staring."

She looked up, giving him a look that clearly said _yeah, right_ with her mouth pinched. She let out a single eye roll and went back to her reading. She would definitely be one of the professors freshmen would be scared to go see during office hours.

"Do you make your students cry?" He continued after a moment.

Kate let out a sigh and flipped the manuscript closed, clicking the button on the bottom of the pen to snap it shut.

"This isn't going to work."

Castle looked up startled. "What? Wait, no. I'll be quiet, I promise. Just, please, keep on reading."

Kate shook her head as he continued to babble. "No, that's not what I meant. I meant that your word choice and plot lines, while they may not be my personal favorites, are not bad. Your grammar is excellent; your writing style is good. Your problem is not with your writing itself. In that aspect you know what you are doing. You know how to build a story. The problem is with your characters. They have no soul, for lack of a better word. They need substance, depth. So, where are your outlines and sketches?"

Castle stared at her and blinked once as she leaned back in the black leather chair, pinning him with a raised eyebrow and a click of the pen.

"Oh, um, well," he stuttered as he pushed himself out of his chair. "I have my murder board up here."

"Murder board?"

"Yeah, see, a couple of years ago I shadowed a couple of cops over at the twelfth precinct for a few weeks, trying to get some inspiration. Ryan and Esposito. They always had a white board that they worked off from, called it their murder board. The experience didn't help my writer's block at all but I did get the idea of having a murder board for myself. I just went a little bit more high tech," Castle explained as he pressed the power button on the remote and the flat screen in the corner flickered to life.

He went through it, touching the screen to bring up his various characters, walking her through the outlines.

"That is so cool," Kate let slip as she held up a finger to touch the screen.

"Like that, do you?"

Kate let out a noncommittal hum and Castle cracked a smile.

"If you like that, Beckett, wait till you see how I do my outlines."

Kate couldn't help but crack a smile. "Beckett?"

"Yeah, you call me Castle. I call you Beckett. It makes us sound more badass."

Kate simply shook her head and went back to the board, working her way through each character one at a time.

* * *

><p>They were arguing over something, Kate couldn't even remember what, they had been going back and forth for so long that the original topic was long gone, when the front door slammed and a female voice echoed through the living room.<p>

"Dad, I'm home!"

Both adults turned away from the murder board to look out through the doorway as a flash of red came towards them.

"Oh, sorry," Alexis stuttered as she came closer to the office. "I didn't know you had company."

Kate held up her hand in a slight wave as Castle proceeded to perform introductions.

"Beckett, this is my daughter Alexis. She is actually applying to Stanford for early admission for the spring. Alexis this is Dr. Kate Beckett, professor of literature at Stanford. She is helping me with some writing stuff. Why are you home so early? I thought you and Ashley were spending the day together before you were torn apart and your love was turned into an epic romance spanning the distance of the country."

Alexis looked between the pair for a second as they stood awkwardly by the large desk in the office. Castle had the manuscript in one hand and Kate had been jabbing, the red pen she had been holding between him and the rough draft for the last ten minutes. Once she had gotten the pen back to him, that was, a few minutes before he had been holding it out the window threatening to let it fly.

"It's nice to meet you Dr. Beckett," Alexis stated shyly with a small wave.

"Call me Kate, Alexis. It's nice to meet you, too," Kate replied to the suddenly timid girl.

Alexis shook her head in response. "I don't think I can do that. I have actually been looking into taking some of your classes in the spring, so calling you Kate would just be weird."

Castle started shaking his head frantically at the girl's admission. "You don't want to take her class. She's mean. She won't even let me have the butler as the killer. It's a classic choice."

Oh, yes, that is what they had been fighting about.

Beckett rolled her eyes as she jabbed the now open pen at him one more time. "There is classic and then there is cliché. The butler doing it is just too much. I am letting go the CIA conspiracies and the alien abductions, the overdone scorned girlfriend out for revenge, but I draw the line at the butler."

They both fell quiet once again when a giggle came out of Alexis. "She's right Dad. It is a little over the top, even for you."

"Traitor," Castle mumbled as he relented and turned to the murder board, pressing on a series of pictures and screens, deleting his original plan.

"Okay, well, this has been fun, but I have to go change. Ashley's parents are taking us to a gallery opening. Apparently, they want to spend as much time with him as possible before he leaves for school and therefore we get to double date."

Alexis turned towards the stairs and Kate looked down at her watch. It was already five o'clock.

"I should get going," she said, bringing a hand up to pinch her nose. "We've been at this for six hours already."

Castle glanced over at her before looking back at the screen of his laptop for confirmation. He ran a hand through his hair as he saw that she was right. That had gone fast.

"You want to stay for dinner?" He asked suddenly. "I don't know about you but I am getting hungry and I make a mean Chicken Cacciatore."

Kate blinked up at him a couple of times before looking down at her shoes and clicking the pen back shut. They were standing close to each other, where they had drifted over the past few hours, arguing, bouncing ideas, joking about random topics in books. "No, I think I am just going to go."

Castle nodded, his head bobbing more times than necessary to get his point across. "Right, okay. I'll show you out."

They walked across the apartment in silence, Kate stopping by the kitchen momentarily to gather up her purse.

"So, you coming back by tomorrow?" Castle asked his hands stuffed in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his feet at the open doorway.

He looked like a fourteen year-old boy, asking a girl out for their second date.

"Yeah, Castle. I'll be back tomorrow. Just work on those back stories, okay?"

Castle nodded silently in reply as she turned towards the elevator and closed the door. She had given him homework.

He turned around only to find himself face to face with his teenaged daughter, arms crossed over her chest and face posed in question. He yelped in response to her stern face.

"Is there something you would like to tell me about, Father?"

* * *

><p>Kate was sitting at the counter in her parents' apartment nursing the glass of wine her mother had poured for her and ignoring the older Beckett's pointed stare.<p>

"So, Katherine," Johanna started and Kate visibly flinched. She had used her full name; this was not going to go well. "What have you been up to today?"

"Just wandered around the city, had a meeting with someone about a book." Kate bit her lip as she quickly brought her glass up for another swig and slid off of the barstool. "Have you seen the news today, anything interesting going on?"

"Hold it right there young lady," Johanna scolded as if Kate were five years old again and fibbing about getting into the cookie jar. "You have been skirting around this conversation for days. I know you, I know when you are lying."

"Mom, I am a grown woman. Could you please not call me young lady?"

"I will stop if you start telling me what is going on with you. You've been distracted and evasive for days. Did you have a fight with Mark? Did something happen. I know you aren't happy about him staying in Russia, even if you say you don't care," Johanna continued, pressing her daughter until the woman finally broke.

"It's not about Mark. Well, yes it is because I am still mad at him even though this is a great opportunity, but I kind of met someone," Kate trailed off and she took another gulp of wine.

"Katherine!" Her mother exclaimed and Kate's eyes widened as she realized how it sounded.

"No, no, not like that. Oh, God, no," she amended, her hands waving wildly as she shook her head, eyes wide. "I just meant that, when I was at the bookstore the other day, I kind of ran into Richard Castle and we got to talking. Well, he was talking, I was trying to ignore him, and he said that he wanted to talk to me about something. I met him at a writer's bar last night and he asked me to help him with his novels. Apparently, he has been having some trouble writing later and would like some help with the details. I just spent the day with him going over his latest rough draft. It was no big deal."

Kate downed the rest of the red wine in her glass and brushed past her mother who was standing wide eyed in the middle of the living room.

"Richard Castle," Johanna started, pointing her finger at the bookcase in the living room with a series of hardbacks lined up on it, as Kate poured the remainder of the bottle of wine into her glass and a second glass for her mother. "That Richard Castle? The author that you hate and huff about every time I give you a plot line? You are helping him with his next book?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders as she held out a glass for her mother. "It's no big deal, Mom."

It really wasn't. Really.

Johanna just nodded at her and took a giant gulp of wine.

"So," Johanna continued after a few moments of silence between her and her daughter. "Is he really as ruggedly handsome in real life?"


	6. Chapter 5

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: I know I sound like a broken record, but you all are awesome! Seriously. I love how opinionated you all are about Mark's motives and Kate's relationship status. Trust me, I love it. Anyway, my point is that you all rock, so here is chapter 5. Enjoy! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 5<span>

It was 10am on Thursday and the giant flashing screen outside the bank, across the street, announced that it was already ninety degrees Fahrenheit outside. Inside, Kate and Rick sat on the floor of his office, a sea of paper floating on the floor between them. Kate's heels were kicked off in the corner and her hair was pulled up in a messy bun at the nape of her neck. Rick's shirt, which boasted a couple of character's from Super Mario Brothers, was already rumpled and he tugged at the neckline as he emphatically tried to make his latest point stick in Kate's stubborn brain.

"No," he stated again, a little more harshly. "I want the main character to be a woman."

"Why? What do you know about women, seriously?" Kate stared back at him, the hacky sack she had been holding bouncing between her hands, as she threw it back and forth.

"I know plenty about women. Trust me, I have been married twice already," Rick shot back.

Kate let out a small laugh, gesturing with the hand holding the small beanbag at the man seated across from her. "The fact that you have been married twice tells me that you, in fact, know very little about women."

"Yes, well, I am sorry I didn't know my first wife well enough to know that she was going to have an affair with her director and leave me for a wonderful life in Hollywood," Castle shot back.

Kate stilled, the woven sack gripped in her right hand, eyes wide as she took in the information.

"I'm sorry," she stuttered out. "I didn't know."

"Oh, please, just like you didn't know that Gina, my publisher, is my second ex-wife? I know you checked out my fan sites. You have been dropping tidbits of information for days that you shouldn't know already," Castle argued and Kate had the decency to blush in return.

When she failed to come back with a reply Castle paused and held up a hand, gesturing for Kate to throw him the hacky sack. The silence persisted as the bag hit his palm and he kneaded it a couple of times before tossing it back to her. The game of catch continued for a few more silent minutes while he continued to think.

"Women are complex. Interesting. I have written twenty-six best sellers revolving around men. Men are easy to write: the emotions, the drive, the sense of purpose. I've done it. I want to do something else— something more interesting. I want my lead character to be a woman. We have been arguing about this for days. You might as well just give in because I am not going to back down."

Kate narrowed her eyes at him, letting her hand holding the ball drop to her lap.

"Men are complex, too," she argued.

Castle looked at her and let out a laugh, causing her to shift in her spot. "No, no, they really aren't. Trust me, I know. I am one. For instance, your fiancé, if your positions were reversed and you were the one that told him that you were blowing off his family in order to go to some conference, and he was as pissed about it as you are, and trust me I know you are. That little vein in your forehead pulses when you are upset, and whenever he comes up in conversation, it beats like a steal drum band. What is his name, anyway? You never told me."

Castle paused and Kate glared back at him, jaw clenched in response to his questioning look.

"Mark," she ground out.

Great, they were back to the one-syllable answers.

"Thank you. So, if Mark were pissed about it he would have just told you. You on the other hand, just let him go do his thing, telling him that you were happy for him and that you weren't upset at all. Am I wrong? Is that not what happened? Tell me, how often have you talked since you had that conversation? How many times has this same type of thing happened? And while we are on the subject, how long did it take him to propose, anyway? You just justify it all in your head. Mark, on the other hand, would have been gone, long ago, if you were doing the same thing to him."

Kate continued to stare at him, eyes narrow, jaw clenched, nostrils flaring as she rubbed at the pulsing vein in her forehead. When she failed to answer any of his questions, he continued on, a smug grin on his face.

"See? Complex and definitely more interesting."

Kate's phone chose that moment to chirp and she reached over to grasp it as Castle leaned forward and plucked the hacky sack off of her crossed legs. Her eyes flickered over to him momentarily, at the action, but quickly let her attention drift back to the device in her hand.

"Excuse me," she stated as she pushed herself off of the ground and wandered out to the living room, phone in hand.

Castle let out a deep breath and went about gathering up the pages littering the floor with one hand while the other continued to knead the ball. He may have crossed a line.

They had been at this for days and it felt like they had been getting nowhere. Anything he would suggest she would shoot down or pick apart until the original idea was completely gone, but this one thing was something he wanted. He had had this idea in his head for days now but he was presenting it slowly, in bits and pieces, as to not scare her off. The character he had been seeing in his head had first appeared in the bookstore and bore an uncanny resemblance to Katherine Beckett, herself.

An interpreter, English to Russian, caught up in a conspiracy after she overhead the details of a terrorist plot while in Moscow for a conference. It was classic, it was awesome, but Kate would never go for it, at least not like that. He had to sugar coat it, build it slowly. He could do that; he had to, because, now, all he could see when he closed his eyes at night, when he thought about his next novel, was Kate Beckett and her green eyes, long brown hair and coy grin. Spitfire personality. He had to write about her.

* * *

><p>"Hello?" Kate said warily into the phone, the number on the caller ID one that she didn't recognize.<p>

"Is this Kate Beckett?" The woman on the other end questioned.

"Yes, may I ask who is calling?" Kate asked back as she rubbed her forehead, in futile attempt to rid herself of the headache that was fast forming.

"Kate! It's Rebecca Harding. It has been a long time, how are you?" The woman chirped and Kate couldn't help but smile as she placed a face with the cheerful voice on the other end.

Rebecca had been a fellow graduate student at UCLA, both in the English department, but working on completely different tracks. They had formed a friendship through their roles as teaching assistants, but had lost contact soon after graduation. The last Kate had heard, Rebecca had been teaching at Columbia.

"Rebecca, it has been awhile. I am doing well, how are you?"

"Great. I am great. I am actually calling because I have a proposition for you. One of our professors took early retirement. His wife has cancer and they decided that they wanted to travel some in case, you know, treatment doesn't go well."

"That's awful." Kate cringed.

"Yes, well, it has left us in a little bit of a lurch, you see, it being so close to the beginning of the semester. We have a job announcement scheduled to go out at the end of next week but we have a short list of people we wanted to ask before the formal announcement is made. Now, I know you are a Stanford girl, but it is a tenure track position. You would make tenure within the next two years, tops. How far are you from that at Stanford?"

Kate shifted and bit into her lip. Tenure? She was at least five years away from that at Stanford. Mark, on the other hand, was up for it within a year.

"Not within the next two years," she answered.

"Exactly. Now, it is comparative literature, but you would have to teach at least one course in contemporary fiction, at least for the first year, after that I am sure you could negotiate."

"Thanks, Rebecca, I really appreciate it, but I…" Kate's sentence drifted off as Castle's words echoed through her head. This was a great opportunity for her. How much had she given up? How long had she waited for him? As much as she did love California, spending the past week at home was reminding her how much she missed her family. Mark would understand that. She should at least talk about it with him before turning it down flat out.

"Look, Kate," Rebecca interjected when Kate failed to finish her sentence. "I don't need an answer now. I'll give you a few days to think about it, but I would need to know soon. Just give me a call back and we can set up an interview and talk salary. Trust me when I say you are our top choice for this position."

Kate thanked Rebecca and her phone slipped from her ear as she pulled it down to press the end button, feeling the weight of it pressing into her palm. Tenure at Columbia? It was a dream job and it was practically being handed to her on a silver platter. Not even silver— it was gold or platinum. Diamond encrusted.

Mark on the other hand, was happy in California. His career was fast tracked. Stanford would offer him incentives to stay. They would probably give him tenure as an opening offer. He would probably be able to get a job in New York, sure, but he wouldn't want to leave. His family was there, all of his friends. He wouldn't want to pick up his life and move all the way across the country for this. In fact, they didn't even know if there were any jobs open for economic professors in The City, at least not ones with the same perks. Times were tough, and even universities were cutting back.

Kate sighed and pushed the lip she had been worrying out of her mouth. She could taste blood from where her teeth had sunk into it extra hard.

"Hey," Castle's voice sounded from behind her and she whirled around. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything is fine. Why?" Kate asked, flustered, as she shoved her phone into the back pocket of her jeans.

"You have just been standing in the same spot for at least five minutes. Important phone call?"

Kate could see that he was trying to tread carefully, probably worried that his little analysis from earlier still had her upset. The fact was, that his little summary of her and Mark's relationship had been eerily correct, but she wasn't concerned with that now.

"Just an old friend. Nothing important. What's up?" She deflected, hoping she managed to sound nonchalant. The look he gave her told her she failed.

Castle nodded in hesitantly in response but, instead of calling her out, simply shrugged his shoulders. "I'm getting antsy, need to get out. Want to go for lunch?"

Kate opened her mouth to decline. She had been turning down meal invitations from him for the past three days, but instead, found herself nodding in agreement. She really did not feel like being alone right now.

"Sure. Sounds good," she replied.

Castle's head perked up. "Really? I wasn't expecting you to say yes. Just give me a second to change."

Kate shook her head with a small grin as he scurried off to his room. He was such a child sometimes. She wandered back to the office to gather up her shoes before making her way back towards the door, fleetingly wondering what his reaction would be if she offered to take him to get ice cream.

Castle's head popped out the cracked door to his room a few minutes later, a hopeful smile on his face, as he fastened the last couple of buttons on his purple collared shirt over a white undershirt. His freshly styled hair was still wet with remnants of the water he had used to get it back in place from where his fingers had been running through it all morning.

"Can we stop for ice cream, too?"

Kat could help but throw back her head in laughter at the question and watched, shaking her head, as he grinned in response. He was such a child.

But, oh, it felt good to laugh.


	7. Chapter 6

Back to Where We Have Never Been 

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, any of it's characters or any of the novels that I mention in this chapter. I am not going to list them because it would take too long.

A/N: Thank you all, once again, for your awesome feedback and encouragement. You rock, roll and rule. If you are new to this story and reading it all the way through for the first them, then welcome to my little alternate universe, I hope you like it here. :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 6<span>

Castle put down his iPhone and glanced up at her sitting across the table.

"Sorry," he apologized as he picked back up his burger.

They were seated at a small cafe a couple of blocks over from his apartment. It was still early for lunch, so the place was not yet crowded with the normal lunchtime groups of business men and high powered women trying not to get smudges of mustard on their suits and ties.

"So," he asked again after he had chewed his bite of burger and Kate glanced up from where she had been studying her fries, her BLT sitting half eaten on her plate. "What is your take on deficit spending during economic downturn?"

"I take the view that deficit spending is acceptable as long as it is focused on public investments such as education, infrastructure, defense, research… why?"

Castle sighed. "Alexis wants me to have dinner with Ashley's parents again on Saturday night. We did it once before, about a year ago, and it didn't go well. I guess she figures it's been long enough, better have a second go. Ashley's father is some sort of stuffy economics professor. I want to have something to talk to him about. How did you know that anyway?"

Kate just shrugged and picked up another fry. "Engaged to a stuffy economics professor."

"Oh, so Mark is an economist. Interesting combination with a lit. professor. How'd you meet?" Castle prompted.

Kate had been eerily quiet since they had left the loft earlier, letting him chatter on, without so much as a snide comment, as they made their way down the city blocks. Occasionally, she would hum in agreement or nod, but mostly she had just looked around, taking in the surroundings, not really seeing anything at all.

"Through a friend," Kate replied.

Castle nodded as she failed to elaborate. It was time for a different approach. "So, what have you been teaching lately in the vast field of Russian literature?"

Kate looked up at him in response to the question, a small smile forming on her lips. "I actually just finished teaching a course comparing Russian to American lit. It was interesting to say the least."

"Russian and American? No competition," Castle chimed in and smiled as Kate sat a little straighter in her seat, shifting slightly as she picked up her drink. "American wins hands down."

Kate paused the straw halfway to her lips. "You're kidding me, right? There is no way that American wins. American literature, for lack of a better word, sucks."

It was Castle's turn to pause. "Seriously? It does not "suck". Who were you comparing?"

Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "Pasternak's _Doctor Zhivago_ to Faulkner's _Light in August."_

Castle's jaw hung open and his wrist went limp, his burger falling forgotten to his plate as he leaned forward in his seat. "How can you even compare those two? It's not even close. Historical, romantic fiction to Southern Gothic?"

"Oh, please, there is plenty to compare. I couldn't make it too easy for the students, then they wouldn't learn anything."

"You see, I knew it, you do make your students cry. I bet you like it too, watching them squirm and beg for their mommies during exam week."

Kate let out a startled laugh. "I am not that mean."

Castle raised a single eyebrow. "Yes, you are. You made me go crawling crying to my mommy the other day and I am a grown man."

It was Kate's turn to roll her eyes. "You give yourself too much credit. You are in no way grown."

Castle inclined his head to the side. "I see your point. But, seriously? Faulkner and Pasternak? The themes aren't even the same."

"Yes they are; you have themes of loneliness and individualism, corruption, political overtones. Even the blatant racism in _Light in August_ could be compared to the classism found in _Zhivago._"

"The writing techniques are different, the settings. It would be easier to contrast the novels than to compare them."

It was Kate's turn to incline her head, giving him a slight nod and a small smile. "You know it took my students four weeks to get brave enough to say that."

Castle's drew in a deep breath to continue his argument when her words finally processed and he snapped his jaw shut. "I'm right?"

Kate smiled at him, bringing her forgotten drink to her lips once more. "You're right. I'm impressed."

Castle shifted in his seat, sitting a little bit taller as he preened. "Faulkner is still a genius. His use of stream of conscious writing is amazing. The way he fills in the story line and backgrounds as he goes."

Kate slumped back in her chair, legs crossed under the table. "Please. It is confusing and jumbled. The story would have been a lot less frustrating if he had just written it with a little more structure. The purpose of literature is to tell a story, to inform and entertain your audience, not to confuse the hell out of them and make them annoyed."

"Ooh, you know what you should do?" Castle continued, ignoring Kate's latest criticism. "You should compare _Light in August_ to _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_. One stream of consciousness novel to another."

Castle nodded his head rapidly, his eyes wide, as Kate rolled hers and leaned forward towards him. "No way."

"Oh, come on, it would be awesome. _Hitchhiker_ is the ultimate story of racism. The entire universe is against the human race. It's the American south on a galactic scale."

Kate simply rolled her eyes again. "Next thing you're going to say is that I should teach an entire course on your books."

Castle shrugged and took another bite of his burger. "There have been worse ideas you know."

"Oh, no, now I've got it. A comparative look of popular American crime novels. Patterson, Cannell, Castle and Evanovich."

Castle paused. "Evanovich? Really? Why?"

"Because then I could prove that even Stephanie Plum could kick Derek Storm's ass."

Castle continued to slowly chew his last bite of burger as he glared at the woman seated across the table. "That was low and I thought you didn't read popular fiction. How would you know any of this anyway?"

"I don't read it." Kate argued. "My mother does. She likes to keep me informed of the latest plot lines. That reminds me, by the way, she would like me to ask you for an autographed copy of your latest novel."

"Really? Your mom is a fan? I like that. I should meet her. Find out how someone as cynical as you could come from such a loving woman with great taste in reading material."

"Oh, please, you are not meeting my mother."

Kate raised her hand and waved down their waiter, signaling for the check as Castle reached over to snag one of her fries, his plate picked clean.

"Oh, come on. You've met my daughter. I'm sure you'll meet my mother one of these days when she finally does the walk of shame. You've seen mine. I should be able to see yours now, too. What do they do anyway, your parents?"

"They're both lawyers. Civil law."

"Exciting."

"Extremely."

"Why didn't you become a lawyer, too? I could see you in power suit, stalking into a courtroom, making suspects wet their pants."

Kate let out a small chuckle, shrugging her shoulders. "Never really gave it any thought. I was never interested. Too many rules. I like my freedom, always have."

Castle nodded as he stared at the woman across from him, sucking in a small breath as her eyes met up to meet his and they locked for a long moment, her smiling back at him.

"Come on, let's get out of here. There is someplace I want to show you."

* * *

><p>They continued to walk down the sidewalk in silence, the sun beating down as heat shimmered up from the concrete.<p>

"I understand about the freedom," Castle began after a minute and Kate turned her head to look over at him as he continued. "That's why I'm thankful for the fame, the money. It gives me the freedom to do what I love and to not worry. It gives me the freedom to travel and spend time with Alexis. I get to live life on my own terms. That's one of the reasons why my marriages failed. They both wanted to change me, to tie me down, make me what they wanted. I didn't want to change, still don't."

Kate nodded silently as she kept pace beside him, her thoughts drifting back to the conversation with Rebecca about Columbia, about Mark and California. She had had her time to fly, though, and she had, high and far. She had even gotten a little too close to the sun a time or two, her wax wings melting as she fell back toward Earth.

One tiny voice in her head explained that it was time to grow up, to settle down and compromise. Marriage was about balance, doing what made both of them happy. The other voice screamed at her to break free and keep flying. Mark would soar after her, she was sure of it. He might not be thrilled but he would be happy for her. He would like New York, too, and it was a great opportunity for her.

"Hey," Castle's voice filtered into her thoughts and she blinked, noticing that they had stopped on the sidewalk. "Where'd you go?"

"Nothing." Kate answered too quickly. "Just thinking. Where are we?"

Castle's face bloomed into a wide smile. "Only the best place in The City, maybe even the Tristate Area."

Castle stepped back and held out his hand with a flourish. "Comicadia."

Kate let out a laugh as she clapped a palm over her wide, open mouth smile, "Oh my God. I love this place."

"You? Really? I thought I would have to convince you to go in, have an argument over the literary validity of comic books or something."

Kate shook her head as she stared in through the window. "No, I bought my first comic here when I was fourteen. I loved it."

She blushed slightly as she continued with her confession. "I still sneak into a comic book store by the university sometimes. Pick up some of the new ones. I can't help it."

"Woman after my own heart. Right this way, Professor. Let's feed your bad habit." He nodded his head towards the store as he reached for the door handle.

* * *

><p>Kate was lying on her stomach in the middle of her bed as she flipped through one of the comics she had picked up at Comicadia. Her wet hair spilled over her shoulders as her feet kicked and danced in the air. She felt, and looked, like she was fourteen again, except for the braces.<p>

The bed shifted and she looked up to see her mother sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. "Katie."

"Hey, Mom. What's up?"

"You have a good day?"

"Yeah, it was nice, why do you ask?"

Johanna shrugged as she looked down at her daughter, a hand running through the younger woman's damp hair. "You've been smiling a lot more lately, that's all."

Kate's hand, which had been moving to flip a page, paused and she rolled over, shifting until she was sitting up in bed, her back against the headboard. "What are you talking about, Mom?"

Johanna shook her head again, adjusting herself so only one leg was dangling off of the bed, her body angled so she could stare into bright green eyes identical to her own. "Are you happy, Katie?"

Kate's mouth flickered into a confused smile. "Of course I am happy Mom. I'm getting married, Mark is up for tenure, and I have a great job. I will probably be asked back to Moscow next year. We've been talking about starting a family. Why wouldn't I be happy? You even just said that I've been smiling a lot more lately."

Johanna looked down in her lap, her hands playing idly with each other. She took a deep breath and looked back up to meet her daughter's eyes. "That's not what I meant when I said lately. I meant the last few days, the ones that you've spent with Rick Castle. You've been smiling more; you've been more animated. I'm not denying that you were happy before, Katie, but there is something there. A glint in your eyes that I haven't seen in a long time, not since you came home with that motorcycle and you danced around the living room with your acceptance letter to Stanford. For most people the world is a hard place to navigate, they need to work hard just to get by, to understand. Not for you, Katie. You've always been too smart for your own good, seeking challenges and excitement wherever you can. When you aren't challenged you aren't happy."

Kate shifted again, bending her head down to look at the comic lying open in her lap. "I'm fine, Mom. I'm happy, I am. I'm happy with Mark and everything. We're good. I promise."

She forced out a smile before looked back down at her lap. Her mother shot her a stare.

Johanna finally sighed and pushed herself up off the bed, bending over to kiss her daughter on the forehead. "I'm not going to judge you, Katie. I just want you to be happy."

* * *

><p>Kate leaned her head back and let out a breath of air, her cheeks puffing out in the process, after the door clicked shut and she heard her mother's steps fading down the hall. Her finger flicked at the corner of the thin glossy pages of the book in her lap and she flipped the comic shut flinging it with a flick of her wrist onto the bed beside her.<p>

After a moment of debate, she pulled the laptop out of the top drawer in the bedside table and opened it, running her finger over the track pad as the machine woke up with a sigh. Idly she flipped through her email accounts, personal and work, without actually paying attention to any of the words she was reading. She ran her finger over the pad once more, making the mouse move in patterns on the screen before she let out another sigh, clicking her tongue against the top of her mouth, and clicked the small icon to bring up a second tab in her browser window.

Her fingers tapped at the keys slowly, using only the pointers on both of her hands to tap the letters and symbols until she was finished. Her right index finger hovered over the enter key for a moment before she finally tapped down on it, waiting impatiently as the homepage for Columbia University blinked onto the screen. Large brick buildings and smiling co-eds filled her vision.

She closed her eyes and leaned back against the headboard once again as she stared at the page.

Tenure at Columbia.

Mark would understand, he would. He would do this for her, because she had to fly.


	8. Chapter 7

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: I have the best readers. :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 7<span>

"You are such a child!" Kate yelled as she filled the doorway to the office, staring out into the living room as Castle scurried across the loft. His laughter floated back to her and she let out another growl of frustration.

Kate had awoken in a bad mood. No not just a bad mood, a phenomenally terrible mood, and Castle's antics had just made it worse.

She had talked to Mark twice since she had spent an hour staring at the Columbia website and going through their course listings. Twice she had failed to mention the job offer. She listened while he talked about a potential internship program for his students at Stanford in global economics being set up in Moscow and Berlin. She nodded and made "uh-huh" noises and small comments as he talked about the conference he was attending and how excited he was to be giving his lecture the next day. She picked at her nails as he talked about the novel he had been reading and was trying to talk to her about.

She smiled when he brought up words like syntax and pointed out small subplots. Her mind drifted to how Castle had started comparing various comic book characters to Shakespeare's works and she bit her lip to keep from laughing.

She hadn't been able to sleep.

At three am she had picked up her phone again to call her fiancé only to, once again, chicken out, and say only that she couldn't sleep and wanted to hear his voice.

She tossed and turned for the next two hours and at five am she got up to go for a run.

Now, standing in the middle of Castle's loft she had no patience left for his childish antics and was forcing herself not to beg him to give her the first chapters he had written of his latest novel. She had seen the chapters on his desk, and had reached for them only to have him snatch them up and proceed to play a game of keep away with her.

"Castle," she growled again as she stalked towards him. "Just give me the damn pages."

"Why? Because you asked so nicely? No, I told you. They aren't finished yet, I don't want you reading them," Castle rationalized as he backed towards the kitchen, the thick stack of papers held securely in one hand.

Kate made a lung for him and he took off to the other side of the counter. Rounding a corner so they were facing off across the island. Castle moved from foot to foot doing a poor facsimile of a boxer's footwork as Kate stood still, jaw clenched, hands braced on the counter top.

"Castle," she ground out one last time.

"Beckett…" he shot back with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Ugh, you are so annoying. I've known you for six days and I already want to punch you in the face, no wonder your marriages didn't last. Just give me the freaking chapters," Kate said one last time, the exasperation and annoyance spilling out of her with every syllable.

The pages flopped onto the counter in front of her and she looked up with a start to see Castle standing with his arms crossed over his chest. She looked back down at the small manuscript and replayed the conversation in her head.

Her eyes grew wide and she looked back up at him.

"Rick, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

If there was one thing that had become very clear to Kate over the course of the last couple of days, it was that Castle's marriages were a sore subject. Especially, since he had admitted the evening before that he had tried to get back together with each of them at least once since they had broken up, only to have it fail as miserably as it had the first time.

"It's fine," Castle replied. "Just read the pages, Kate."

Kate opened her mouth to respond, to make an excuse, to say something to let him know she hadn't meant it, when the front door flew open and a woman's voice floated in through the apartment.

"Richard, dear, are you home?"

Both of them paused as their heads swiveled towards the door.

"Mother, nice of you to finally grace us with your presence. I take it you have had a nice week?" Castle stated wryly.

"Oh, hush, darling. I was here the other night for dinner. That is when you told me about your new main character. Remember?" Martha's voice continued to chatter until she was standing next to her son and she glanced up to see Kate staring at them from the other side of the counter. "Oh, you, dear, must be Katherine. My son has been talking about you for days. Trust me when I say that he was not exaggerating when he said that you were gorgeous. Martha Rogers, dear. It is nice to meet you."

Kate blushed as she walked around the edge of the island, the chapters still gripped in her left hand as she held out her right to shake Martha's hand. She let out a startled laugh as the older woman pulled her into tight hug, the air being squeezed out of her lungs in the process.

"It's nice to meet you Ms. Rogers, please call me Kate," she responded after she had been released from the other woman's grip and had a chance to catch her breath.

"It's Martha, dear. Ms. Rogers makes me feel like I should be married to a chipper man wearing a red sweater. Now if you two will excuse me, I am going to change and take a nap. Then, I am out again. I have a date."

"Mother, you just got back from a weeklong date," Rick called after his mother as she made her way to the stairs.

"Yes, well, someone in this house has to have a little bit of fun. Alexis is practically married to that nice young man she has been seeing- going to art openings and galas. I swear that girl is twenty years older than she appears and you have been moping around this apartment for months. Even though, I have been seeing you smile a lot more the past few days. I like it. Have a good night, dears."

The pair watched as Martha ascended the stairs, only turning to blink at each other when they heard a door slam shut from the second floor.

"So, that was my mother," Castle explained as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

Kate nodded a couple of times. "She seems nice."

"Yep."

"I am going to go read these now."

"Okay."

Kate wandered over to the couch and curled up in the corner, the chapters resting on the arm of the sofa as her legs curled up underneath her.

"Oh, by the way," Castle started as he back towards his office. "I based the main character on you. Let me know what you think."

Kate stared at him, open mouthed, as the door to his office slammed shut and she heard the lock click so she was locked out.

She blinked a couple of times as she looked down at the bold letters that said chapter one. No title, no outline, character sketches or summary. Just, chapter one. Taking a deep breath she flipped the page and started to read, allowing herself to fall briefly into the world of Richard Castle's imagination.

Jade Knight. That was the name of her character; a translator for the U.N. who overheard some sensitive information and found herself caught up in the middle of a terrorist plot.

Kate let a small laugh as she finished reading about her alter ego on the page. It was oddly flattering, being the inspiration for someone, not that she would ever admit it.

"So, what do you think?"

She looked up as Castle's voice floated over to her from where he was standing, leaning against the doorframe of his office. She had been staring at the last page, wishing silently that he had written more. She wanted to read more, to find out what happened to Jade and how this Jameson Rook guy, an international news reporter for the fictional version of CNN would help her. Rook and Knight.

Checkmate.

"Not bad." She shrugged.

"Liar. You liked it. I saw that smile on your face," Castle accused as he pointed a finger at her.

He shifted a little bit. "Are you okay with it? Being my muse?"

Kate couldn't help but smile both at his sudden shyness and the fact that he had used the term muse.

"I can deal with it, I guess. Your characters are a lot more realistic— have more depth. Therefore, being your inspiration is a small price to pay, I suppose. Just never use the word muse again."

Castle let out a small laugh. "Deal. Now, are you hungry? I could eat."

Kate nodded as she unfolded herself from the couch, stretching as she followed him back to the kitchen.

"Can I ask you a question?" She asked as she slid onto one of the barstools, her bare feet curling around the cold metal bar at the bottom.

"Only if I can ask you one in return," Castle negotiated as he dug through the fridge, pulling out various ingredients for a snack.

Kate inclined her head. "Fair enough. Why did you name my character Jade? It's such an unusual name."

Castle paused and turned to look at her, a couple of apples and a jar of peanut butter gripped in his hands. "Well, my first name choice was Nikki Heat, but I figured a U.N. interpreter would need a more sophisticated name. Even though the title options for Heat were endless. Nevertheless, Jade seemed more appropriate."

He paused as he pulled out a cutting board and a knife. "And because of your eyes. Something needed to be said about them."

Once again Kate found herself speechless as she stared at the man standing across from her. That seemed to be happening to her a lot lately. Her open jaw turned into a small smile as a blush crept up her neck.

She rested her head in a hand as she watched him finish preparing and placed her plate in front of her.

"So," he continued as he presented her with a glass of water as well. "What's going on with you today? Last night you were fine and today you are ready to snap my head off."

Kate shrugged as she picked at her napkin, her food seemingly forgotten in front of her. She was silent for a moment as she debated if she should tell him or not.

"I got a job offer."

Castle's head perked up. "That's awesome! Why is that bad?"

Kate sighed and dunked a chunk of apple into the glob of peanut butter on her plate. "It's here, tenure at Columbia."

Castle let out a small laugh. "Still not seeing the problem."

Kate lifted her eyes to look at him. "Mark is up for tenure at Stanford."

"And he said he doesn't want to move," Castle finished.

Kate shook her head. "No, I haven't told him yet."

Castle stared over at her from where he was sitting on the stool next to hers.

"Why not?" he asked quietly.

She shrugged as she placed the apple slice she had been playing with back on her plate. "I don't know. I keep on trying to convince myself that he would do this for me, but at the same time he has worked so hard to get where he is. I can't ask him to give it all up."

Castle sighed as he reached across to grasp her hand in his. "Kate, how much have you given up for him?"

She nodded as she stared at their hands on the counter top, the unspoken answer hanging in the air between them.

"Thanks, Castle."

"Anytime. Now on to more important topics: I was thinking _Unspoken_ _Knight _or _Long Days Knight_ maybe _Jaded Knight_ for a title. What do you think?"

Kate smiled as he tried to take her mind off of her current problems and onto a more lighthearted topic.

* * *

><p>"Drunken Knight."<p>

"One Knight Stand."

"Dr. Beckett, that is just down right scandalous," Castle replied, aghast, with a hand pressed daintily against this chest.

They were still sitting at the kitchen island an hour later, batting back and forth different title ideas, some more inane than others as they tried to make the other laugh when Alexis made her way down the stairs and over to the refrigerator with a sigh.

"Hey, pumpkin, what's up?"

Alexis closed the fridge door and leaned against it, arms crossed over her chest as she stared at the pair.

"Ashley is upset. That professor he was excited about having a class with, the one teaching global economics, cancelled all of his classes. The dean sent out an email saying that he was taking a sabbatical to teach overseas for a year."

Kate looked up startled, her body ridged, her eyes wide.

No. He wouldn't…

"Alexis," she started slowly. "What is this professor's name?"

Alexis looked over at her questioningly. "Oh, um, Dr. Alexander I think. Ashley said something about him teaching in Russia or something."

"Excuse me for a second," Kate replied softly.

Castle looked between his daughter and Kate, watching as the older of the two slid off of her stool and made her way to the apartment door, phone clutched in her hand, bare feet padding against the wood floor.

"Alexis, what was this Dr. Alexander's first name?"

Alexis shook her head as the door clicked shut, looking between her father and the apartment door. "I don't remember. I think it might have started with a M. Why?"

"Was it Mark?"

"Possibly." She shrugged. "What's going on?"

"I think you just told Kate that her fiancé was moving to Russia for a year."

Alexis's eyes grew wide as they both turned to look at the closed door.

* * *

><p>Kate paced the hall waiting while the phone rang in her ear.<p>

"Kate, hi! I am so glad you called, I have some fantastic news."

Kate stilled at her fiancé's enthusiastic greeting.

"Mark."

"Katie, what's wrong?"

"I was just informed by one of your students that you are staying on Moscow for another year. That's what's wrong."

"Katie, I was going to tell you…"

"Tell me? You were going to tell me? We've been together for seven years, Mark. Seven years. You don't tell someone you are planning on living halfway around the globe for a year after you have been in a relationship together for seven years. You talk about it; you decide it together. And to make this situation even worse, you told the university and a bunch of pimply-faced freshmen before you told me. Seriously, Mark?"

Kate listened with half an ear as he tried to fumble his way through his argument, apology, whatever he was saying.

"I was going to surprise you. They have a position open for you here, too. It is only for a year, I will still get tenure when we get back and your position will still be available for you. You love Russia, Katie."

"I was offered tenure at Columbia, Mark."

Kate listened to the pause on the other end of the phone. "That's great, Katie. You could probably talk to them, see if the position would still be available next year."

Kate stilled, the phone held against her ear, her feet planted firmly on the ground. She could feel the anger bubbling up inside of her.

"You know what?" She sighed into the phone after a minute, the fight suddenly draining from her. "Save it. I'll talk to you later."

She stood slumped against the hallway wall, the dim light glowing above her, the whir of the elevator beside her. A week ago she would have jumped at the news. Before she had come back to the U.S., before she had been offered Columbia, before she had started to smile again.

She could feel it in her face, the way her muscles were sore from twisting up so often. When had it stopped in the first place?

She couldn't remember.

* * *

><p>Castle and Alexis were both still in the kitchen when she came back into the loft.<p>

"So…" Castle began as soon as the door clicked shut behind her. "I take it this Dr. Alexander is Mark."

Kate's cheeks turned pink as she let out a breath and ran a hand through her hair, leaning back against the door. "Heard that, did you?"

Castle and Alexis both nodded at her, their heads moving in tandem with the same wide-eyed expression covering their faces.

"I think the whole building heard that," Alexis piped up.

Kate let out a small, embarrassed laugh, as she winced at the girl's comment, before covering her face with her hands. "I, um, I should go. I'm sorry about that."

Castle shook his head as he stood, snapping out of his shock. "Oh, no. After that you are definitely staying for dinner. I feel like comfort food is in order. Alexis makes a mean baked mac and cheese."

Kate let out a small smile as she let him usher her back towards her stool. "Mac and cheese sounds good."

She slumped back down on the stool and reached out to grasp her cup of water from earlier, twirling it on the countertop. "You got any vodka?"


	9. Chapter 8

Back to Where We Have Never Been 

A/N: :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 8<span>

Kate let out a giggle, which sent Castle into a fit of laughter almost rolling onto his side from where he was sitting next to her on the floor of his office.

Dinner had ended hours ago. Martha had breezed out of the apartment soon after, disappearing to whatever engagement she was late for. Alexis had excused herself to go out and get coffee with some of her friends soon after, leaving the two of them alone in the dark, quiet apartment. Their backs leaning, side-by-side, on the black leather of the oversized chair and the mostly empty bottle of vodka sat on the floor between them.

"No, no," Kate began again, pausing to let out another small giggle. "I have a better one. I was arrested when I was twenty."

Castle jaw hung open as he turned, adjusting his body so he could look at her straight on, without craning his neck. He stared at this enigma of a woman beside him, so buttoned up and proper at first glance, but riddled with so many more interesting layers underneath. "What for?"

Kate bit her lip and ducked her head, lifting only her eyes to look at him as she let out another alcohol-induced giggle. "Underage drinking, public drunkenness and indecent exposure."

Castle gulped slightly and slammed back another shot to squelch the mental images creeping up into his head. He winced as the clear fluid burned its way down his throat and made a motion with his hand for her to continue. "I have to hear this story."

Kate tipped back the rest of her shot, taking a calming breath. She hadn't winced once and Castle was beginning to think that she had spent her time in Russia doing a lot more than just teaching and playing tourist. Especially since she had drank about twice as much as him and didn't seem to be nearly as drunk as he was.

"My friends and I were at this party, got completely wasted and decided it would be a fantastic idea to streak across campus. Needless to say, campus PD picked us up, wrapped us in blankets and locked us in the slammer until we sobered up."

Castle gaped at her. "Well, what happened?"

Kate shrugged. "I only got academic probation since I was a straight A student and on the board of a handful of student organizations. Plus, having lawyers as parents didn't hurt. They were able to get the charges dropped."

Castle nodded. "Impressive. Is that when you started on the straight and narrow, leaving your wild child days behind?"

Kate gave a small laugh and as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, letting her hand rest on the side of her neck as her face grew a vacant slightly sad smile, like she was remembering back to who she used to be. "No, that's when I turned twenty-one the next week and just learned to keep my nudity more sober and less public."

Castle's breath caught in his throat as she pinned him with a teasing stare, her mouth curved up in an open smile, her tongue poking out between her teeth.

"You are a bad woman, but I got you one better."

Kate laughed again and poured herself another shot, sipping it slowly as her eyes flickered to meet his glassy ones. "Okay, hotshot, tell me your story."

"I was arrested for public indecency and unlawful obtainment of a law enforcement vehicle."

"You stole a police car?" Kate shot back, the disbelief strong in her voice.

Castle shook his head. "Nope. I _borrowed _a police horse."

"You stole a police horse."

"Borrowed."

"Naked?"

"Naked," he confirmed as Kate's eyes grew wide and she snorted in an attempt to hold in her laugh.

"Please tell me you were drunk at the time."

Castle shook his head. "Nope. Stone cold sober."

Kate shook her head slowly from side to side, her mouth still hanging open as she stared at him. "Why?"

Castle shrugged like it was the most common situation in the world. "It was spring."

Kate's red face, from where she had been holding in her giggles, exploded as she fell to the floor in a fit of laughter, rolling on her back as her laughs grew silent from lack of oxygen.

"That," she gasped after a moment, tears running down her face as she tried to catch her breath. "That was your excuse? Seriously? Oh my God."

She looked over to meet Castle's eyes, where he had fallen to the ground beside her, both of their bodies trembling with the occasional bout of laughter.

Castle let out another chuckle. "The case was thrown out. A perk of having the mayor as a friend."

Kate shook her head and reached for the vodka, which was sitting on the other side of Castle's chest. Her hair fell down around her face, the ends brushing over his mouth as she leaned across his body. He brought in a soft involuntary gasp and she paused, hovering over him. Their eyes locked for a moment as a surge of electricity passing through them. Castle's lips closed as he attempted to swallow the sudden dryness from his mouth and his eyes grew wide as they darted down to look at her slightly parted lips. Her face frozen above his, one hand bracing her on the ground as the other grasped the neck of the blue glass bottle.

Kate released the bottle and pulled back slightly, backing up until she was sitting, legs pulled up to her chest, back once again against the leather chair.

"I, um, I should go," she stuttered slightly, hand darting up to push back her hair. A nervous habit.

She rose slowly to her feet, steadying herself with the arm of the chair and the wall as she stumbled out of the office and across the living room towards the door.

Castle drew a hand over his face, wiping it down slowly over his features. He nodded his head slowly. Yeah, going home was a very good idea.

"Kate, wait," Castle called as he scrambled along behind her, the euphoric feeling of drunkenness quickly leaving his body as his brain struggled for comprehension. "Are you sure you're okay to leave?"

Kate pressed a hand to her forehead, attempting to fight off the sudden headache that had formed there. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll just catch a cab."

Castle watched as she slung her purse over her shoulder and scooped up her heels with two fingers, not even bothering to attempt to walk in them. He hovered next to her for a moment, watching her as she looked everywhere except for his face, his eyes.

"I'll walk you down. Make sure you get a cab," he said softly, taking note of the way she took a step back when his arm reached out beside her to grasp the doorknob.

The elevator ride was quiet, a long series of painfully silent moments as two sets of eyes stayed glued to the series numbers glowing above the elevator doors.

The walk through the lobby was stressful and the hesitation by the curb: awkward.

The cab slid up to them with a crunch as the tires scraped along the curb and a slight squeal of the breaks, the rest of the traffic traveling down the street filling in as background noise.

"See you later?" Castle asked as he held open the door and watched her slide into the worn leather seat.

"Of course," she replied with a small smile, not quite reaching her eyes, which finally looked at his face.

"Kate," Castle started again as he leaned forward, his eyes darting to the front seat, the cabbie huffing when he failed to close the door right away. "You deserve better."

She looked up at him with a small, sad smile. One that he had seen too many times in the past few hours, one that he never wanted to see again. One that he would make sure he never saw if she were his.

Her voice was soft, full of doubt, hope, and reservation. "Good night, Rick."

He nodded slowly as he closed the door and waved at her through the window. "Until tomorrow, Kate."

* * *

><p>Kate let out a sigh as she slid her key into the lock of her parent's apartment and padded silently into the dark entry. She let her bag and shoes fall to the ground with a heavy thump before heading to the kitchen to pull out a bottle of water and search for the bottle of pills she knew was hidden somewhere in the cabinet above the sink. She let out a sigh of relief as she finally grasped the container and shook a couple into her palm, throwing them back as she made her way out of the kitchen and down the hall towards the bedrooms.<p>

"Katie? Is that you?"

Kate paused just past the closed door to the master bedroom and turned to see a glow coming from under the door.

Cracking the door open she popped her head in to see her mother sitting up in bed, reading glasses covering her eyes and book lying open on her lap.

"Hey Mom. Where's Dad?"

Johanna shrugged as she looked back at her daughter. "Working late at the office, again."

Kate glanced at the clock on beside table. "It's ten o'clock."

Johanna shrugged again. "It's been thirty-five years, Katie. I've gotten used to it. Some things never change."

Kate shook her head as she made her way across the room, crawling in the bed beside her mother to lay her head in the elder Beckett's lap, like she would when she was a child and had had a nightmare.

"Do you ever feel like he takes you for granted, Mom? Just assuming that you will always be there?"

Johanna let out a small laugh as she stroked her hand through her daughter's long hair, scratching her fingernails into her scalp, gently. "Your father wouldn't know what to do with himself if I weren't around and we both know it."

Kate let out a small laugh and nodded against her mother's legs. It was so true: her father would be lost without her mother. Then again, Kate would be lost without her, as well.

"What's on your mind, Katie?" Johanna asked gently, her hand resting against the younger woman's head, cradling it like she would when Kate was a baby.

"Mark took a position in Russia for a year. He just assumed that I would follow him out there. He didn't even ask me first. And to make matters worse, I have been offered a position at Columbia and I had been trying to figure out how to tell him. For years he has been saying how he's happy in California. His family is in California. How he doesn't want to leave them. I have been okay with that because I like it out there, too. I know how close he is to them. But this time I wanted to be here, with you and Dad, in this great position and I wanted it to be about me. I wanted my chance. I know that is selfish, but for once I wanted the chance to do what was best for me and he doesn't even seem to care. He didn't even stop to consider giving up Russia."

Kate paused as a tear slid down her cheek and she choked back a sob. "I just don't understand, Mom. Seven years we've been together. Why is it falling apart now? What changed?"

Johanna sighed as she ran her hand through her daughter's hair once again, comforting her as she cried.

"You changed, Katie," she replied softly. "Just in the past few days you've changed."

Kate stilled as she looked up at her mother, sniffling slightly. "What do you mean?"

Johanna smiled down at her. "If Mark had gotten this offer two weeks ago, what would you have done?"

Kate bit her lip, squinting her eyes to see through the remainder of the alcoholic haze. "I would have been thrilled. I would be in Russia right now planning for the new semester. I would have told Columbia, I'm sorry but I couldn't take it. I don't understand. What did this?"

Johanna nodded. "How many relationships have you been in Katie? I am not asking how many guys you've dated, I don't think I even want to know that number, but how many serious relationships have you been in?"

Kate stared up at her mother before she let out a sigh and replied meekly. "One."

Johanna continued to stroke her daughter's hair for a moment, debating her next words.

"Sweetie, have you ever considered that maybe Mark isn't the only man for you? Don't get me wrong, I love him- he is a good man and he loves you, no doubt and I know you love him, too. But you have always been a risk taker Katie, pushing life as far as you can. Living on your own term. These past few years you have stopped, you started to play it safe. Maybe safe isn't right for you."

Kate startled as she looked up at her mother, pushing herself up to sit on the bed next to her. "I haven't been playing it safe, Mom. I grew up. I can't spend my life riding around on motorcycles and blowing off school and work to take spontaneous road trips. I have a job and a life, a relationship. At some point you just have to stop being a kid and grow up."

Even as the words spilled out of her mouth she thought back to the comic book store and the superhero t-shirts she had been seeing the past few days. The game of keep away she and Castle had been playing with each other's ice cones. How they had both gotten brain freeze when they had tried to eat them fast enough to keep them from melting.

How he had wanted to kiss her on the floor of his office. The way her heart had began to pound in her chest.

Her eyes grew wide. He had _wanted_ to kiss her.

No.

She loved Mark. She was in love with Mark even if she was incredibly mad at him at the moment.

Wasn't she?

But even as she pleaded her case both out loud, and in her head she heard that lurking voice. That ten year old girl in her that was squealing because she had felt a spark: that instant connection, that thrill of verbally sparring with another person and knowing that you would always come out on top no matter the result of the debate because you were battling that one person who made your life, your soul whole.

_No. _No, she would not do this. She was not in love with Richard Castle; most days she could barely stand the childish man. She loved Mark. She was _in love with _Mark.

"For the record, Mom. I don't know what I would do without you, either."

"Oh, Katie," Johanna replied with a sigh, tilting her head slightly as she brought a hand up to her daughter's cheek. "You, strong girl, would be just fine."

With a nod, Kate scooted slowly off of her parent's California King bed and padded her way to her room with a quiet good night.

* * *

><p>Kate groaned as her phone chirped from the table beside her and she lifted her head slightly to look at the screen, her eyes shutting tightly closed as the pounding in her head became unbearable.<p>

Never again.

She groped around for a moment, her arm flailing until it landed on a bottle of pills and she let out a sigh of relief. Her mother was a saint.

The phone chirped again and Kate rolled onto her back popping the painkillers into her mouth, washing them down with a swig of water. She let out a slight whimper and pressed the heel of her hand to her head.

Never, ever again.

The phone chirped a third time and Kate growled as she reached out to grab it, bringing it up over her face. She had five new text messages. The first three were from Mark begging her to call him. They needed to talk. The last two were from Castle.

Kate bit her lip and placed the phone back on the table, leaving the last two messages unopened as she rolled over to face the other side of the room. She shut her eyes once more and attempted to go back to sleep, her mind wandering over too many different situations that had taken place over the past few days; to the words her mother had spoken the night before. To how she had been laughing dinner the night before.

She let out a sigh and reached back with one hand, picking up the phone from behind her.

She could practically here the whine in his voice from the first text message complaining about how his head felt like a sledge hammer had mated with a jackhammer and their babies were dancing in his head. Followed by a little frowny face.

The second one had come only minutes later and had the single word _Lunch? _Followed by a smiley face.

She bit her lip and texted her reply.

The voices in her head began to argue again. One saying that lunch was fine and that nothing was going to happen. She wouldn't let anything happen. He was a friend, a much needed friends, someone that understood her. He would help her fly. The other was shaking its little imaginary head. This was a bad idea, she knew what he wanted and she was going with him anyway. She wanted it too; she wasn't allowed to want it. She would work things out with Mark and she just needed to let Richard Castle go.

Kate shook her head and swung her legs out of bed, padding over to the closet to pull something out from behind the stockpile of old prom dresses and childhood mementos.

She stared at her old motorcycle helmet, brushing a hand over the top of it, wiping away any dust that had accumulated over the years.

Her heart clenched in her chest as she felt the pain of loss and guilt gripping at her lungs and squeezing the blood from her heart, making the acid churn in her stomach.

The problem was that she didn't want to let go.


	10. Chapter 9

Back to Where We Have Never Been 

A/N: I take someone saying that they really did not want to like my story but ended up loving it anyway as the ultimate compliment. :)

Thank you for all of your kind reviews, constructive criticism and support! Now on to chapter 9.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 9<span>

Richard Castle whistled as he wound his way from his bedroom to the kitchen, rolling the left sleeve of his button down shirt up with his right hand, tugging at the fabric to make sure that it lay perfectly straight and wrinkle free against his skin. If it bunched it would annoy him, making his squirm until it was exactly the right length.

It was ten am and even with his temples pounding and his mouth gummy from dehydration he couldn't help but be happy. It was going to be a fantastic day.

"What are you so cheerful about?" Alexis questioned as he made his way around to the coffee pot.

"Oh, nothing. Had a good night last night, I am going to meet Kate for lunch and then come back here and get ready for dinner with Ashley's parents. You two will be there this time, right, because last time it was a disaster without you? Seriously, I need a buffer and you are adorable. No one can be mad at me when I have you at my side."

Alexis stared at her father as he took a sip of the scalding hot liquid and proceeded to suck in a little bit of air to cool his tongue. She shook her head. She had been watching him all week, listening, hoping and praying that she was wrong.

"What are you doing, Dad?" She asked as she leaned back against the counter, glass of juice in one hand.

Castle looked up at her, startled, tongue sticking slightly out if his mouth to lessen the burn. "What do you mean? I burnt my tongue."

Alexis tilted her head to the side and huffed out a breath. "That is not what I mean. What are you doing with Kate? I saw you last night. I've seen the way you've been acting all week. What are you doing with her, Dad?"

Castle paused. He could feel it, that longing in his stomach, the tightening of his chest. The way it was harder for him to breathe when Kate looked at him and smiled. "Nothing. I'm not doing anything. We're friends, that's all."

Alexis sighed again and pushed herself off of the counter, making her way around the island to the foot of the stairs. "She's engaged, Dad. It's not fair to her. It's not fair to you or to her fiancé for you two to be doing whatever you are doing."

It was Castle's turn to sigh. "We aren't doing anything."

Even as the words made it out of his mouth he could hear them fall flat.

Alexis turned to ascend the stairs and took a couple of stairs up before turning back around to face him, a strength in her eyes he was slowly getting used to, a look that was beyond her years in wisdom; like she already knew the unknown consequences in the future.

"Just be careful, okay? I don't want to see you hurt again."

Rick watched as he daughter made her way up the stairs and disappeared down the hall to her room. He let out one last sigh as he made his way towards his office and sat down, propping his legs up on the desk and pulling the laptop down into his lap. His thoughts drifted back to the way Kate had looked when she was hovering over him, her hair brushing his lips, her mouth slightly parted and her eyes lazy and relaxed.

He shook his head. Nothing was going to happen. They weren't doing anything.

* * *

><p>Her hand moved slowly as she ran the rag over the curved metal piping. Her earphones were plugged into her ears and she could feel the floor of the second level of the parking garage quiver every time a car passed, bumping over the uneven surfaces.<p>

Her father had been taking care of it for her, making sure it went to the shop for tune-ups. He would even let the guys there ride it so it would stay in good running condition, handing over the keys so that they could race it around the city. It really was a beautiful machine: strong, full of pent up energy waiting to be brought to life.

She ran the rag over the wheel, her braided hair falling over her shoulder as she sat, cross-legged on the floor, her leather jacket slung over the seat of the '94 Harley Softail. Her parents had wanted to kill her when she had brought it home and she refused to listen to reason. It was hers, she needed it then, she needed it now.

Kate glanced down at the thin watch on her wrist. It was ten am. She had two hours before she was supposed to meet Castle for lunch.

The acid churned in her stomach. It was just a meal, just lunch. It didn't mean anything other than two friends eating together.

She shook her head, she had plenty of time before she was supposed to meet her _friend_ for lunch. She could take her bike for a spin around the city, give it a chance to stretch its wheels and get some air. It had been way to long since she had ridden. It wasn't fair to either of them to be cooped up like this.

She pulled the ear buds out of her ears and listened as the music continued to flow into the air of the now silent concrete structure, echoing off of cars and walls. She stowed her wallet and phone, along with the rag in the compartment under the seat before she pulled her jacket over her arms and secured the helmet over her head.

_It's been to long_ she though as she felt the bike roar to life and backed out of the parking space.

Her laugh was silenced by the rumbling of the engine and her grin masked by the helmet but it didn't change the fact that they were there as she made her way up the ramp to street level and pulled out into the steady flow of traffic, aiming towards the nearest edge of the city.

It had been way to long.

* * *

><p>The first thing Castle noticed when he opened the door was the wide smile glowing on Kate Beckett's face. The second thing he noticed was the motorcycle helmet cradled under her arm. She had a motorcycle? That was hot.<p>

No. It wasn't hot. She wasn't hot; she was his friend. Having a motorcycle was cool, not hot.

"Sorry I'm late," she opened but the relentless grin on her face told him that her statement wasn't entirely true. "I had something I had to do."

"Uh huh," Castle replied, nodding at the helmet. "Where did you end up?"

Kate shrugged as she walked through the doorway, smile still in place as a slight red tinged her cheeks. "Connecticut."

Castle shook his head. "Of course you did. You have fun?"

"Too much. Now what's for lunch? I'm starved?"

"Beckett, you wound me. If I didn't know better I would think you just like me for my culinary skills."

Kate turned to give him a retort but her comeback died on her lips as she found herself inches from him, her free arm practically trapped between their bodies. She took in a surprised gasp as she placed her hand on his chest and pushed back, forcing him to take a step back from her since her feet seemed to be rooted to the spot.

"Sorry," he stuttered as he took a couple more steps backwards and tried to find a comfortable position for his hands: across chest, in pockets, at sides. None of them worked.

"It's okay," she responded as she looked around, helmet now hanging limply from her hand. "I, um, I should go."

Castle jumped and moved so he was standing in front of the door, blocking her attempt to reach for the doorknob. "No, Kate. Please stay. Look, about last night. It was a mistake. We were drunk; you were hurting. Nothing happened and nothing will happen. I promise. Just stay, please?"

Kate glanced up at the blue eyes staring down at her and she nodded her head, even as the voices in her head screamed at her to say no.

"Is there a place I can put this?" she asked, holding up the thick plastic helmet.

Castle gave her a small smile and pulled open the hall closet, taking the helmet and the leather jacket she had shrugged from her shoulders so he could store them inside.

* * *

><p>Kate peered curiously over his shoulder and into the closet as something in the corner caught her attention.<p>

"What's that?" She asked as she pointed past him.

Castle looked back at her, over his shoulder, shock etched on his features. "You don't know what that is?"

Kate shook her head slowly. "No, should I?"

Castle reached into the closet and pulled out two vests and two large plastic guns. "This, my dear Beckett, is the making of the best afternoon ever: Top of the Line Laser Tag. You wanna play?"

Kate leveled him with a look. "Castle, I'm thirty-one, I am way to old to be playing laser tag."

"Nonsense, you know you want to."

Kate shook her head again and took a step back, biting her lower lip.

"I know that look, Kate, you want to but you don't think you should. Come on, Beckett. Live a little. You just came here after joy riding on your motorcycle. What's wrong, afraid you are going to lose?" Castle challenged, matching her step by step as she backed into the living room.

Kate let out a soft growl from the back of her throat. He just had to go and challenge her.

"Fine," she snapped, reaching out to grab one of the vests. "But loser has to buy the winner lunch."

"Deal," he smiled down at her.

"Deal."

* * *

><p>"Don't worry, Ashley," Alexis placated as the pair made their way down the hall from the elevator to the front door of the loft. "My father promised he would be on his best behavior. Plus, this time he is going to be cooking and not my gram. Everything should be just fine."<p>

Ashley nodded his head reluctantly. "You sure they won't mind us dropping by like this? I mean, I'm sure Professor Beckett has better things to do than to have meeting with soon-to-be students."

Alexis shrugged her shoulders. "She's pretty cool. Plus, you aren't here as an incoming freshman, you are here as my boyfriend and she is a friend of my Dad's. Now…"

Alexis's sentence died on her lips, her key paused in the lock as she heard a shriek followed by a crash come from the other side of the door.

"What the…" she started as she scrambled to open the door. The two stumbled into the dimly lit apartment to see the top of her father's head poking out from behind the couch and Kate running towards the kitchen, spinning herself around the island. A lamp was on the floor, shattered into a dozen pieces.

"Dad? What's going on?"

Castle stood up, grinning widely at his daughter. His vest glowed and died as Kate took the opportunity to hit him with a kill shot.

"Ha! You owe me lunch." She yelled victoriously before turning to look at the two teenagers. "Hi Alexis. You must be Ashley."

Alexis reached back to hit the light switch as Ashley looked between the adults in unmasked shock.

"Um, hi, Professor Beckett?" Ashley stuttered out as she made her way and met him with an outstretched hand. "It's nice to meet you."

Kate smiled back at him, her vest glowing and blinking, gun hanging at her side in one hand. Castle grumbled about her cheating as he came up behind her.

"Hey, sweetie," he said, turning towards his daughter. "We're headed out to lunch. You two want to come?"

Alexis looked back at him, her mouth opening and closing a couple of times. "No, thank you, we just ate."

Castle nodded back at her and made quick work of his vest, grabbing the one that Kate was holding out to him as he made his way over to the closet.

"Okay, well you kids have fun. We'll be back in time for me to start dinner for tonight." He called as he followed Kate out into the hall.

Alexis turned to Ashley as the door click shut behind them, leaving the two teenagers alone in the dark apartment, the lamp still lying in pieces on the floor. Her brow was furrowed as she opened her mouth to say something, but found that words failed her as Ashley nodded back.

"Well," he started. "That was not what I expected."

Alexis shook her head and made her way into the apartment, flipping on a light switch as she went.

Whatever her father was denying he and the professor were getting themselves into; she was very afraid they were already there.


	11. Chapter 10

Back to Where We Have Never Been 

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, any of it's characters or Love, Actually. It is one of my favorite movies, though. Just wanted to throw that out there.

A/N: So, I apologize for the delay in updates, but here is chapter 10. It's a shorty, but don't you worry, things are going to be getting very interesting very soon. ;)

Thank you again for all of your awesome support and reviews. I am so happy you are enjoying this story. If you are new and just getting caught up, welcome!

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 10<span>

Kate begged off after lunch, leaving Castle to get ready for his dinner with Ashley's parents. She wandered the city for a couple of hours, finding herself staring at a painting that could either be extremely innovative and moving art, or a five year-olds scribbling with finger paint, as she sat on a bench in the museum of modern art. She couldn't decide which.

That was one thing she missed about Europe: the art. It was everywhere. You could just wander through displays in the street, exhibits in parks. Museums, galleries, street artists.

She brought a hand up to run through her hair and let her mind wander back to the last week.

Richard Castle. Columbia. Stanford. Russia. Mark.

She could feel her heart beat begin to rise as she chest constricted. She sucked in a deep breath and pushed herself up off of the bench. Too much. It was too much. She reached down, grabbing her purse and flung it over her shoulder. Her phone started to vibrate as she made her way towards the exit and she reached in to pull it out.

A picture flashed onto the screen and she couldn't help but quirk her lips.

"Yes?" She spoke into the receiver, the small smile still playing at her lips.

"Knight Light?"

She forced her lips into a firm line and worked to suppress the laughter bubbling up into her chest.

"No."

"Why?" His voice came out in a childish whine and she could imagine him standing barefoot in the kitchen a wooden spoon in one hand as he tried to perfect whatever dish he was trying to prepare for the evening.

"Because, it is asinine."

"Asinine? Really? Are you trying to show me up with your sophisticated vocabulary? Well two can play this game. I will find the quintessential designation for this epic narrative."

Kate let out a small chuckle as a click sounded from the other end of the line and she let the phone fall to her side. She made her way down the sidewalk, shaking her head in humor and disbelief. The little voice in the back of her head was nagging at her again; she shouldn't be doing this. She should tell him that she wouldn't be coming back and just go her separate way.

The phone vibrated again and she shook her head, swiping her thumb over the screen and lifting the phone to her ear without a second thought.

"Okay, Mr. Big Time Writer, what you got for me this time?"

"Knight Rider."

"Taken."

"Knight's Tale?"

"Too cliché. Come on Castle, you want something smart and witty. Call me when you think of it."

Kate shook her head as she hit the end button and her mind wandered to the story of Knight and Rook. She was itching to read the next chapters, even though she would never admit it. The banter between them, the tension, had been apparent since the first scene together. It wasn't a matter of if they were going to get together, but when. Despite the protests, the outside forces, the connection was there. Castle had written it beautifully, the underlying currents, the beginning to an epic love story hidden within the layers of a pop-fiction thriller.

* * *

><p>Kate paused as she wandered out of the kitchen with a glass of water in one hand and her Kindle in the other. Her parents were out to dinner, some event for the office, which Kate had willingly begged out of. So, she found herself alone, in the dark apartment staring at the shelf of glossy hardbacks staring up at her. Her eyes swiveled to glance around the quiet room as she pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth and rocked slightly on the balls of her feet, bouncing up and down a couple of times before taking a hesitant step forward. No one was home. No one had to know.<p>

She took another step forward and paused again, glancing down at the electronic stack of books in her hand. She rolled her foot around in circle, letting it dance on the floor as she stood in place, her nervous energy making its way out through her big toe. She pursed her lips, her nose crinkling up as her internal battle raged. Her mind wandered to the books on economic theory, which were still in the plastic bag beside her bed. She had more options, better options, more academically acceptable options. She let out a huff and took the last few purposeful steps to the shelf, pulling a random volume out and stalked back towards her room with it resting in the crook of her arm.

Her fingers traced over the cover of _Storm Warning_ letting them run over the ridges of letters on the cover, bold colors shining back at her. Black, red, blue, green. Hard colors: manly. Her mind wandered briefly to how the cover for Jade Knight's first book would look. Would it still be the deep bold colors? Would it be green? Would it be more feminine? A small smile flittered over her lips as she traced the smaller letters reading _Richard Castle_. She couldn't see him doing that. Knight was going to be a badass; she deserved badass colors and an even better title.

* * *

><p>Castle was listening with half an ear as Ashley's father, Colin, as he rambled on about something related to the economy. His mind kept wandering. Colin. He suppressed a smirk. He couldn't help but think:<em> Hello, I'm Colin, god of sex.<em>

He let out a soft snort and felt Alexis's foot connect with his shin as she pinned him with a look.

Castle shifted in his seat, suppressing a pout as he gave a polite smile to the couple sitting across from him. Kate would have appreciated his humor, not that he would ever admit to her that he would watch _Love, Actually_ curled up under a blanket with a bowl of popcorn. She had already accused him of being metrosexual, he didn't need to add anymore ammunition to her teasing fire. Not that being metrosexual was a bad thing, he appreciated being clean and well groomed. Sometimes a pedicure was nice, and who didn't like smooth feet, really?

He briefly wondered if Mark got pedicures. He snorted softly and he felt Alexis's foot connect harder with his shin as Colin stopped talking to look up at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Castle stated. "I have something stuck in my throat."

Colin nodded slightly before lifting his glass to his lips and starting on a new topic. "So, Ashley and Alexis tell me you've been collaborating with Katherine Beckett on a new novel?"

Castle started slightly. "You know, Kate?"

Ashley's father nodded slightly, bringing his napkin up from his mouth to dab at his lips. "We've met a time or two. I've been collaborating with Dr. Alexander on a couple of different projects. Ashley was so disappointed to hear that he was going to be staying in Russia. I was slightly surprised, too. He loves California. He told me earlier this year that he was only taking the summer appointment to spend time with Kate. She's the one that wanted to go to Russia in the first place. I'd bet you he's staying there for her, also."

Castle stiffened in his seat and his head turned slightly to meet Alexis's eye. The girl gave him a knowing look and Castle looked away.

"So, Colin," he turned back to the other man with a smile, "What is your take on deficit spending in an economic downturn?"

* * *

><p>Kate looked down as her phone chirped.<p>

_Darkest Knight?_

She let out a small smile and glanced back at the book lying in her lap. She had been reading for hours, allowing herself to get caught up in the story of Derrick Storm and Clara Strike.

_Too depressing._ She replied before putting her phone back down and picking up the book once more, finding her place as her phone chirped again.

_You coming by tomorrow?_

She looked at the words for a moment. Her gaze flickered to the top of the screen, which boasted a missed call, several in fact. Not missed, so much as ignored. She sighed and let her fingers tap on the screen, writing out her answer.

_Not tomorrow. I'll be there Monday._

She needed a day to herself. She sighed and picked back up the book, letting herself fall back into the world of Derrick Storm.

* * *

><p>Kate let out a low moan, deep in her throat as he climbed on top of her and her back pressed into the soft warm leather cushion of the couch. His hands were inching up under her shirt as their lips duel, their tongues battling in a frenzied dance. One of her hands came up to run through his hair and her knees came up to cradle him against her body.<p>

His thumb glanced over her ribs and her body arched up to meet him.

They had been battling over titles and character names for hours. She had taken up residence on his couch, sprawled out with her head resting on one arm and her legs falling over the other. She wasn't even sure how it happened. One moment they were arguing, the next he was leaning down over her to make his point and his mouth was fused to hers.

It was so wrong, but it felt so right as his hand inched farther and farther north, his fingers grazing the fabric covering the bottom of her breast and hers traveling up the plain of his back, fingers teasing the taunt strands of his muscles.

"Kate, I love you," his voice whispered in her ear, but the voice wasn't his.

Kate opened her eyes to find Mark staring back down at her.

"What are you doing Kate? I love you, why are you doing this to me?"

Kate's body jerked up in bed, her eyes flying open as her chest heaved. She looked around, her hair flying wildly as she blinked in the dark room.

6:23am. Sunday. Alone.

She slumped back against the pillow, hands covering her face as she struggled to slow her breathing.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," she groaned into her palms as she blew out a sigh.

She glanced at the clock again. 6:25am.

It was time for a run.


	12. Chapter 11

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for all of your support and kind words. I do read and appreciate every review I get. I love hearing what you all think (good or bad). It helps make me a better writer. :)

Now, onto chapter 11! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 11<span>

Kate bent over, chest heaving as the sweat poured down her face and pooled at her collarbones. This time she hadn't jogged; she had full out run for the better part of an hour. She ran through the vivid memories of the dream, she ran through the anger she felt towards Mark, she ran through the flutter of attraction in her belly every time she saw Richard Castle. She dodged business men as she thought about the idiotic things she had done as a child and how she only wanted to curl up on the couch with a book now. She jogged in place on street corners as her youthful desire to travel the world flitted through her mind and she though about how she had given it up for love, school and a career. She ran as she thought about how in love her parents were and how they still spent countless hours apart, both lost in their jobs. She thought about kids and her career. Her want of tenure, her want of the same for her fiancé; security, distinction, a validation of what they had each worked so long and hard for. She thought about the way Mark would whisper how much he loved her in her ear at night when he thought she was asleep. She remembered that bolt of electricity that flew up her arm and shocked her heart when Rick had grabbed her hand. She thought and she ran. She ran and ran, until her legs gave out and it felt like she was walking on jelly.

She set out in a walk as she brought her hands up to rest her arms on top of her head. A passing man let out a wolf whistle and she raised her middle finger at him in response. She was in no mood and, no, it was not flattering.

She had listened to Mark's voice mails the night before, all twelve of them. They all held the same theme, only in different words. _I'm sorry. It will be a great opportunity. I did it for you. _

She exhaled out through her mouth and dropped her hands to her sides like dead weight.

_A month ago you would have jumped at this opportunity. _That annoying voice in the back of her mind nagged. _You love Moscow. You love Mark. Why is this so difficult? All you have to do is call him, tell him you are sorry for getting upset and go home to pack. _

Kate chewed on her bottom lip as the music from her iPod flowed into her ears. It was difficult though. What if… What if it wasn't right? What if it wasn't what she wanted? What if she wanted more?

What if? What if? What if?

Kate shook her head and pulled the white ear buds out of her ears. The weight of her phone was heavy in her hand as she swiped her finger over the screen and scrolled through the list of names. The pad of her finger pressed the phone icon next to the correct moniker and she shook her head again as she brought the object to her ear, listening as it rang. Twice. Three times.

"Hello?"

Kate swallowed and took in a deep breath, pasting a smile onto her face even though the person on the other end couldn't see her.

"Rebecca, hi, it's Kate Beckett. I'm sorry to call you on a weekend but I was wondering if you would be able to meet for lunch? I have a couple of questions for you about the job offer..."

* * *

><p>Kate chewed on her thumbnail as she waited on the hall side of the door to Castle's loft Monday morning.<p>

_His fingers grazing the fabric covering the bottom of her breast and hers traveling up the plain of his back, fingers teasing the taunt strands of his muscles. _

Letting out a deep groan, she shook her head and bit down harder. It had been twenty-four hours of dream-induced torture. The door to the loft finally swung open and Kate forced down the blush that was threatening to cover her cheeks as the object of her late night fantasy came into view.

"Hey," Castle stated with a small wave. His head was tilted down slightly and he rocked back and forth between his feet.

Kate cocked her head. Something was up. Something was…. She smiled softly.

He was nervous.

"Hey," she replied, shoving her hands into her pockets as she continued to wait in the hall "What's up?"

Castel ran a hand through his hair as he took a step back, letting her enter the apartment. He let out a breath of air and Kate could feel her own nervousness melting away. She had something to focus on now. She could focus on whatever was bothering him.

"I, well, here's the… I have a thing tonight."

"A thing?"

"Well, an event."

"An event?"

"A charity event, a banquet."

"A party?"

"Yes, and my date came down with food poisoning."

"Date?"

"Will you stop repeating everything that I say?"

Kate let out a slight laugh. "Are you asking me to be your replacement date for this event tonight?"

Castle shifted feet slightly. "I wouldn't ask but Alexis has a thing with Ashley and the last time I took Mother to something like this she ended up ditching me for a proctologist."

Castle shivered, "I don't even want to think any deeper on that one. No pun intended."

He let out a slight grown at his own unintentional play on words; a hand coming up to rub down his face.

Kate stifled a laugh and waited for him to continue.

"And well, my ex-wife will be there and no offense but you are gorgeous and it would make her really jealous if I showed up with you."

Kate's jaw fell open and she crossed her arms over her chest as she pinned him with a glare. "So you want to use me as arm candy to piss off your ex-wife?"

Castle shifted again, hesitantly lifting his eyes to meet hers. "Um, yes?"

Kate lifted a hand to her mouth to hide her smirk. It really was fun to watch him squirm.

"There will be free booze and the food is normally pretty good," Castle threw in as she continued to glare at him with narrow eyes, causing him to take a step backwards.

The events of the past week flitted through Kate's mind. She shook her head slightly.

"I will be the perfect gentleman," Castle continued to bargain. "I can even call Mark and ask his permission."

Kate couldn't help but let her laugh sneak out at that one. "That definitely will not be necessary. Fine, Castle, I will be your date but if you try anything…"

"I know, I know," he interrupted. "You will cut off my balls and have them for dinner."

Kate started slightly. "Um, gross, but yes, essentially. Now, where were we?"

Kate glanced around the apartment to find it empty before making her way towards his office, Castle trailing along behind.

"Well, since you left me all alone yesterday," Castle lamented. "I wrote two more chapters. They aren't even close to being polished yet but they are all yours if you want to read them."

Kate bit her lip to suppress her child-like grin, all awkwardness from her own mind's musings and Rick asking her to accompany him to this 'event' melting away at the thought of new chapters. "Really?"

Castle studied her face for a moment before leaning towards her, a playful glint in his eye. "Why Professor Beckett, are you actually excited to be reading some of my tawdry stories with substandard plot lines?"

"No," Kate defended. "I'm just looking forward tearing them apart. It is the highlight of my day, you know."

Castle nodded his head slowly, disbelieving, as he held out the stack of pages for her.

She plopped down on the leather couch, spinning so her head was resting on one arm with her legs bent up so she could rest the proffered pages on them. Lifting her hips slightly, she pulled the red pen out of her pocket as Castle sat down in his desk chair and turned his attention back to his laptop.

"Be gentle with me, now," he warned, teasingly, as his fingers began to fly over the keys. "You know how fragile my ego truly is."

* * *

><p>Johanna leaned against the doorframe to her daughter's bedroom as Kate riffled through her suitcase, looking for the black dress she knew was in there somewhere.<p>

"Where are you headed to tonight?"

Kate glanced up as her hand found the right fabric and she yanked the article loose from the twists of cotton and denim. "Castle has a thing he needs a plus one for. I said I would go."

Johanna nodded knowingly as she watched Kate bend over to unwrap the towel from around her head; a second towel securely wrapped around her body.

"Mark called me earlier today," Johanna continued. "He said he was worried about you. He's been calling and leaving messages but you haven't been returning any of them. He wanted to make sure you were all right."

Kate turned to look up at her mother, dress in one hand, undergarments and panty hose in the other. "I've listened to the messages. He doesn't get it, Mom. He keeps on saying he doesn't understand why I'm upset; that this is what we wanted. He lied to me. He went behind my back and decided the next year of my life without me. I'm allowed to be upset and ignore his calls for a few days."

Johanna took in a deep breath and stepped into the room to take a seat on the bed as Kate disappeared into the bathroom to change.

"Have you told him that?" Johanna called through the closed door after a few silent moments.

"Of course I told him that," Kate replied, her voice muffled. "He still doesn't understand."

The door burst back open as Kate stepped back out, dressed in a black sleeveless scoop neck cocktail dress, the skirt flaring out slightly and falling to her knees. She ran the towel through her hair again as she glanced down at her mother.

"I'm not doing anything wrong Mom. Mark and I will work things out. Right now, I am helping out a friend, going out for a night and I am going to have fun."

Johanna looked at her daughter as Kate attempted to fix her hair in the mirror. "Does Mark know about this 'date'?"

Kate let out an exasperated sigh. "It's not a date. Rick is a friend. I am allowed to spend time with my friends."

With a deflating sigh, Johanna shook her head and pushed herself off of her bed. She made her way into the bathroom, steering her daughter over to sit down on the closed toilet seat, bringing a brush down to her hair. "I haven't done this since your senior prom."

Kate's mouth turned up in a half-hearted smile. "Nothing's going on, Mom. I promise. I'm not that person. Neither is he."

"I know, Katie. I just don't want to see anyone hurt."

Kate nodded slightly as her mother pulled at her hair, twisting and curling it; securing it with pins.

* * *

><p>Castle let out a groan of frustration as he struggled to fix his tie. Untying the knot for the third time. He hastily yanked at the fabric until it fell open. A hand reached up to pop open the top button of his dress shirt and he plopped down on the couch, allowing himself to sprawl for a moment in his designer suit. He ran a hand through his hair until it stuck out in every direction.<p>

Colin's words from the dinner two nights before had been echoing in his brain for the last forty-eight hours; distracting him as he wrote, reflecting back at him in Alexis's knowing gaze.

_He's doing it for her because he loves her._ The voice taunted.

Part of him had wanted to see Mark as a selfish bastard. It gave him some justification for falling in love with the other man's fiancé.

Castle's eyes popped open.

Love?

Where had that come from?

He ran a hand through his hair again and let out a sigh as he heard a knock sound at the front door.

Love?

He blew out a breath. It wasn't love. You couldn't fall in love with someone in a week. It was a passing infatuation with an intriguing woman. Everyone had crushes; that did not mean that it was love.

Castle attempted to straighten his hair as he pushed himself off of the couch and trotted towards the door, silently debating whether faking food poisoning would be possible. His head was still reeling as he twisted the knob and his breath caught in his chest as he came face to face with the object of his musings and she was…

"Gorgeous," he breathed out.

His eyes grew wide as he realized that he had said the word out loud.

A blush crept up Kate's neck, adding more color to her cheeks and turning the tips of her ears bright red. The word adorable wandered across his tongue but he bit down, hard, to keep the thought his own.

"You look beautiful," Castle stuttered out as he continued to stare at her.

The blush deepened slightly as she shifted from one foot to the other, head dipping slightly.

"Thanks," she replied shyly. "It's the only dress I had with me."

Her hair was twisted up at the sides and pulled back to look like something straight out of the forties. Her make up was done lightly but elegantly, an emphasis around her eyes. She had a black clutch in her hands and a pair of black stilettos donning her feet.

"You can never go wrong with a little black dress," Castle offered and Kate smiled again as she took a step towards him.

"You don't look half bad yourself, Castle," she offered back as she set her clutch down on the table and lifted her hands to his tie. "You might want to do something with that hair, though."

Castle brought his hands up to pat down his hair as his eyes drifted down to watch Kate as she deftly tied a neat knot in his tie, patting it with one hand after she finished.

"You're good at that," he mumbled.

She looked up at him, her fingers working to smooth his collar.

"Engaged to an economist, remember? Smart guy but not the best when it comes to formal wear," she murmured in reply, gracing him with another small, slightly wistful smile as she took a step back, letting her hands fall to her sides.

Kate looked around for a moment, her eyes wandering everywhere around the apartment except back toward him. Her hand reached out to grab her clutch and she shifted from foot to foot again.

She was nervous.

Castle watched her for a second before shaking his head and checking his pockets for his phone and keys.

"You ready to go?" He asked suddenly, perhaps too loudly, and she jumped slightly, nodding in reply.

"Ready."

He followed her out into the hall. The silence was palpable as they stood side by side in the elevator and they both nodded to the doorman as they made their way through the lobby and into the waiting town car.

She was staring out the window as the car pulled out into the evening traffic. She was quiet, too quiet. Castle shifted slightly, his fingers dancing on his thigh.

"You okay?" he asked softly, causing Kate to turn to him with a soft questioning hum.

"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine."

Castle nodded slightly, looking forward before turning back to look at her again.

Kate let out a soft sigh and her eyes flickered up at him from where she had been studiously staring at her fingers twisting together in her lap.

"I met with Rebecca about the position at Columbia yesterday," she began after a moment.

Castle's eyebrow rose and he shifted slightly in his seat to look at her. She was still considering Columbia? Did that mean that she was thinking about breaking up with Mark?

"And?" he prompted gently.

"And," she continued. "She wasn't happy about it but she said that they could bring in a temporary professor and hold the position for me for a year."

Castle felt his heart plummet in his chest and he had to remind himself to take a breath as his lungs started to burn and Kate turned back to look out the window.

"Is that what you want?" He asked gently as he managed to re-enter the conversation.

She turned back to look at him, head propped in one hand, elbow resting against the window. The conflict was evident in her eyes as she replied softly.

"I don't know what I want."


	13. Chapter 12

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: As always, you all rock. Here is chapter 12. Enjoy!

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 12<span>

"See them over there?" Castle leaned over to whisper in her ear, his finger pointing discreetly to a couple in the middle of the wooden floor. Kate bit her lip and nodded, a hand coming up to cover her smile as she glanced over at the couple. They had been doing this for the better part of an hour.

The silence, the tension, had been palpable when they had first arrived, a couple of flashing blubs going off in their face as they had walked into the event. Castle stated for anyone who asked, that they were only good friends. He had nodded at her; let her know that he wasn't trying to make her into anything she wasn't. He wasn't trying to insinuate that she was his, or cause any doubt with Mark. They were friends out for the evening. She was engaged. The press knew that.

He had huffed, after a stilted dinner of forced small talk and polite smiles at the couples around them, and scooted his chair a couple of inches towards her, pointing a finger at a man sitting slouched in a chair a couple of tables down. His bow tie was crooked and his gut folded over the undone top button of his pants as he patted at the sheen of sweat covering his forehead. Despite his seemingly young age, his hairline was already receding and it looked like he hadn't had a haircut or shaved, in weeks, but not in the good, ruggedly handsome way. More like in the sleazy, want to go home and take a burning hot shower kind of way.

"See him?" Castle stated softly, leaning towards her. "He won his fortune in a start up internet business. Porn: the weird kinky kind. He still lives in his parent's basement, despite his mass fortunes, because his mother makes the best mac and cheese he has ever tasted and she irons his socks. He feels an obligation to give back because of the racy nature of his work, but he rarely actually leaves his basement cubbyhole so he doesn't actually know how to act in public."

Kate glanced back at him, catching the glint in his eye, before looking over at the other man who put his hand up to his face to cover a burp. She scrunched her nose before biting down on her lip.

Was he being serious right now? Did he actually know that about this man?

Castle swiveled his eyes to look at her for a second before touching her elbow to draw her attention and pointing to a tall, thin couple standing regally across the room. The man had dark hair and a beak-like nose that was emphasized by his small beady eyes, which were a couple millimeters too close together. The woman had blonde hair so light and skin so fair that they blended together, the peach tone of the dress doing nothing for her lack of coloring.

"And them? He calls out for his mommy in bed and she likes it."

Kate snorted in an attempt to suppress her laughter and turned to look at him. That twinkle in his eyes. He was making up stories about them. He pointed at another woman, leaning closer to her ear as he talked, making her laugh.

She let out a small smile. He was trying to cheer her up, get her out of her head. She had been lost there for the better part of the evening. She had tried to come out of it, truly, be in the moment instead of being lost somewhere between Russia and New York. Greenland. She had been stuck in Greenland. She sighed, mixing it with a laugh as she shook her head slightly, working her worries from her brain for a second.

It was working. It had been working for the last hour.

She glanced at the couple on the dance floor he had pointed too and then looked back towards him, raising a single eyebrow. He hadn't said anything about them yet; he was looking at her, chin propped in hand, eye brows raised. He was waiting.

What was he waiting for?

Oh… it was her turn.

"Um…" she paused and glanced back at him. Her finger traced around the top of her sweating water glass. This was harder than it looked. She looked back at the couple: the way the man's eyes dodged around and how the woman was staring over his shoulder at something, someone… Kate followed her line of sight to the first man they had been talking about: the alleged pornographer. Kate grimaced. Why would she be looking at him? Here goes, nothing, she mused. It was time to think like Castle.

"He's a CIA operative waiting to meet his contact, but what he doesn't know is that she's a sleeper agent working with Porny over there, who is really a high powered foreign operative, to infiltrate U.S. high security and bring the country to it's knees."

She bit down on her lip once again and turned back to look at Castle who was silent, staring at her with his jaw hanging open, "CIA, really? Hardcore. Beckett, I think you are the perfect woman."

Kate let out a startled laugh as he looked at her in pride, preening slightly. Apparently, she had passed the first test in his little game. Now, onto round two. She looked around silently debating her options before pointing at a blonde woman who was walking purposefully across the room, wearing a gold dress that almost blended perfectly into her skin. Her face was pursed, closed. She looked like a complete bitch. Perfect.

"What about her?" She asked quietly, her finger flickering up discretely towards the woman.

Castle shifted as he followed her line of sight, his posture stiffening as he straightened in his chair and leaned away from her. His hands went up to fix his tie. Kate watched as the woman continued to walk towards them and Castle pushed himself out of his chair.

"Oh, I don't need to make up any stories about her. I already know she's the devil," Castle stated evenly.

Kate glanced back at him, startled, and hastily got to her feet as the woman made eye contact and stopped in front of them.

"Richard," she stated, her voice a mix of venom and honey. "Glad to see you made it. I know how you get when you get writer's block; all depressed. Walking around for days at a time in sweats, Alexis having to remind you to eat and shower. Tell me, how is the new novel coming? Get past sentence one, yet?"

The woman stood in front of them, arms crossed over her chest as she glared up at him. Kate shifted slightly, an inch wider gap forming between her and Castle as his fist clenched at his side.

Who was this woman?

"Gina," Castle ground out, as if he had heard her silent question. "Always a pleasure to see you. Are you hear for a reason or did you just get hungry and need some blood to suck?"

Gina smirked and turned to look at Kate, giving her a once over, her voice still directed at the writer. "So, you found yourself a date for tonight. Who knows, maybe she will put out and help you over that proverbial hump."

Castle stiffened, taking a step forward his fist still clenched. Kate's jaw dropped open, the world around her going white and spinning a little bit as she felt the anger rise in her.

Who the hell was this woman?

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Kate heard her own voice ask.

"Gina Cowell," Castle stated through gritted teeth. "My blood sucking publisher and my blood sucking ex-wife."

Gina's chin jutted up slightly. "Number two. Ex-wife number two. I wouldn't get my hopes up, sweetheart, he doesn't have the best track record."

It was Kate's turn to clench her fists, as the woman looked her up and down. "And you are?"

"Dr. Kate Beckett, PhD," Kate replied, a steel in her voice matching the shrewdness in the woman's. Two could play this game.

Castle audibly gulped as the two women continued to stare at each other, silently sizing each other up.

"So," he started, taking half a step closer to them, his hand reaching out to grab Kate's. "As fun as this has been, and trust me, Gina, it's always a pleasure to be castrated by you, but I promised Kate a dance so we should be going."

They had taken a couple of steps towards the dance floor when Gina's voice sounded again. "We have to talk eventually, Richard. Your latest novel was due weeks ago."

"Don't worry about the novel, Gina. I found my inspiration. You'll have the first chapters on your desk within the week," he called back over his shoulder, Kate's hand still grasped firmly in his.

She couldn't help the small smile that glanced over her lips. _I found my inspiration._

She didn't even bother to look back at the woman as they stepped onto the dance floor and Castle pulled her up to him, one hand resting on her waist as the other continued to grasp hers tightly.

"Sorry about that," he mumbled into her ear. "Sometimes I think she's the one Dracula turned away."

Kate swallowed a laugh. "So, you two were married?"

"Yep," Castle replied as they continued to rock back and forth on the dance floor, his body still held a couple of inches away from hers. "Six long years."

Kate pulled back her head slightly. "Really? How did you not kill each other?"

Castle let out a slight shrug. "The sex was good."

Kate lifted her hand from his shoulder and he let out a slight shriek as she twisted his ear with her fingers.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, his hand leaving her waist temporarily to rub the now red lobe. "What was that for?"

She glared at him, her side cold from the suddenly missing contact. "For being a punk."

"I was not being a punk," Castle defended petulantly. "I was being honest. The sex really was very good."

Kate's hand came up and Castle ducked his head to the side, avoiding her fingers as they came for his ear again.

"You're the punk," he grumbled.

"No, I'm spunky, remember?"

Castle rested his hand on her side and shifted his body an inch closer to hers, their feet falling back into rhythm as he led her around the dance floor. "Yeah, I remember."

* * *

><p>She laughed as she stared past him, out the window of the town car to look at the passing bus, the ad on the side the same one she had seen on her way into the city from Newark.<p>

"Richard Castle's latest novel on shelves now!"

His chest puffed out in pseudo pride.

"That's right," he boasted, brushing a thumb against his nose. "I'm the man. I have my own bus."

Kate let out something close to a giggle and immediately clamped a hand down over her mouth, her eyes wide as he turned to look at her.

"Did you just giggle?" He asked, his mouth hanging slightly open in astonishment of the sound.

"No…" she defended through the spaces in between her fingers. He could hear the smile in her voice. It was a good sound to hear. A happy sound.

_You can make her happy._ The voice in the back of his mind sounded. He shook his head slightly. No, he couldn't. It wasn't his place. She wasn't just another one of his 'conquests'; she was a real woman, a woman who already had someone to make her happy.

"Hey," her voice cut through his thoughts and only then did he notice that they had stopped outside of a tall brick building. "You want to come up? My mom keeps saying she wants to meet you. See if you're really, and I quote, 'as ruggedly handsome in person'. I told her you weren't but she wants to see for herself. It would make her day to meet you."

Castle couldn't help but laugh at the compliment and insult rolled into one. He nodded his head slightly. Truth be told, he couldn't wait to meet her either: the elder Beckett woman, the mother responsible for the amazing creature in front of him. "Sure."

Kate smiled softly as he opened the door and got out, reaching a hand back in for her to take.

"Such a gentleman," she teased gently as her stiletto landed firmly on the ground. He couldn't help but laugh.

"Just don't tell. You'll blow my cover."

Castle stopped and turned to look at her when she failed to reply. Her eyes were glued to something over his shoulder, her lips slightly parted as she continued to stare, her hand frozen limply in his.

He dropped her hand, and it fell to her side as he turned to see what had caught her attention. His eyes landed on a man standing next to the doors of the building, duffle bag hanging off of his shoulder, his hands shoved into the pockets of his khakis. He had dark brown hair, perfectly styled, and an olive tint to his skin. He looked foreign, Greek maybe with the slight curve to his nose. Black-framed glasses covered his eyes. A dark blue polo and a pair of Sperry's finished off his outfit. The man's eyes flickered to him before settling back on Kate.

Castle turned back to look at her. She hadn't moved. Clutch in one hand held at her stomach and her other hand stiff at her side. He could feel his stomach start to sink as she continued to stare at the man and both men stared back at her. There was only one person that this could be.

He felt his eyes flutter close as her voice sounded— confirming his suspicions, pushing all of the air out of his lungs.

"Mark?"


	14. Chapter 13

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: Let's see... thank you for all of your support. You all seriously rock. Also, I apologize for the grammatical errors in this story. I went back to reread some of the first chapters and I flinched (especially when I had "read" instead of "red".) I think I literally banged my head against the desk.

Oh, and make sure to read the A/N at the bottom of the page. :)

Now on with chapter 13 (please have faith).

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 13<span>

"Mark, hi." Kate repeated.

Castle's eyes shifted between the two other people standing on the sidewalk, watching as Mark took a hesitant step forward and Kate shifted from foot to foot seemingly debating what to do next.

"Hey, Kate," Mark replied. His voice was soft but strong as he took another step towards them, his hands shoved in his pockets. "You look beautiful. Is that the same dress you wore for our anniversary?"

Kate ducked her head and nodded as she took a step forward, now standing in between the two men.

"Thank you. What are you doing here? I thought you were staying for the conference?" Kate asked quietly.

Mark shuffled slightly and shrugged. "I was but you weren't returning any of my calls. You're more important than a conference, Kate."

The tone in Mark's voice implied that the revelation should be obvious but Castle internally shook his head.

Kate's arms crossed over her middle. Defensive. Castle shifted a few steps behind her and Mark's attention turned to him. Kate turned her head to follow Mark's line of sight and gave Castle a small smile before turning back to her fiancé.

"Mark, this is Rick Castle," Kate introduced. "Castle this is Mark Alexander, my fiancé."

Castle's eyes rested on her for a minute as he tried to determine how she felt about this, Mark being there, here. For her. Kate ducked her head, avoiding his eyes as she shifted a step closer to Mark. Confusion, joy and guilt were all etched on her features, swirling around like some sort of jumbled melting pot.

Guilt?

He had seen the looks she had been shooting him all night when she thought he hadn't been looking. He had felt how quickly her hand had slipped from his at the curb. Even though, to him, it had been an innocent gesture: helping her out of the car. Had it meant more to her? He wondered if Mark saw it, too: the mix of emotions, the internal battle she was waging. Could the other man read her emotions with a glance? Could they have conversations with only their eyes?

Castle turned to the other man and extended his hand slowly; Mark taking it in a firm grasp.

"It's nice to meet you, Mark," he finally voiced, his next words chosen very carefully. "Thank you for understanding about me stealing Kate for the past few days. She truly is amazing. I have high hopes for my next book."

Kate's eyes flickered over to him and she brought a hand up to tuck an invisible clump of hair behind her ear. Nervous tick number one. Their eyes locked for a moment and he tied to tell her in those couple of seconds that it was never about the book. It had been about her, all about her, from the first moment he had seen her sitting cross-legged in the middle of the aisle of the bookstore like a child, surrounded by a stack of books.

Only her.

Her eyes broke from his and he realized Mark was speaking to him as Kate's attention shifted back to her fiancé. She pulled her lower lip in between her teeth. Nervous tick number two.

"… Well I don't know if it really mattered if I understood or not," Mark was saying. "Katie has a tendency to do whatever she wants anyway, no matter what I think. Besides, we haven't talked over the past few days, so I obviously don't know what's going on."

Mark's eyes shifted between the pair again, his eyes studying their clothes, flickering to the black town car idling at the curb.

Castle cleared his throat, bringing a hand up to scratch the back of his neck, "My date for a charity event this evening canceled last minute. I asked Kate earlier today if she would go. I would have taken my daughter but she already had plans with her boyfriend."

The silence was thick, deafening, as cars sped past and chatting couples made their way down the sidewalk. Castle glanced between Mark and Kate, he took in the way Kate was hugging herself with one arm, the other thumb at her lips as she chewed gently on the nail, damaging the pale pink polish that had covered it moments before. Nervous tick number three. He could feel Mark watching him, attempting to analyze the interaction between the writer and his muse.

The muse the other man didn't know existed.

Kate looked up at him, her body shifting so their eyes met. He sucked in a breath when he saw the look reflected there— the closest thing to pleading he had ever, and probably would ever see pouring from her eyes. They flickered from his face to the idling car and back again. She cocked her head slightly and he nodded in response, taking a step back.

"Well, I should probably go," he addressed both of them before leveling his gaze back on her. "Are you still coming by tomorrow?"

Kate shifted as Mark stiffened beside her. Her eyes flickered again and she ran her hand to her ear again before her chin dropped. "I'll call you."

He nodded again, his head felt like it belonged to a bobble head doll, constantly nodding. Up and down, like it would make everything better. Everything would be okay if he could just nod. She shifted again, her attention momentarily turning to her fiancé as Mark reached out and grabbed her hand now hanging loosely at her side. She looked back at him and he could see the apology etched in her features, the shutters coming down on her eyes. It was the same look that had been there when they first met in the bookstore, the look that had slowly melted away over the past eight days. He hadn't realized how much it had dwindled until he saw the wall snap back into place. She lifted her lips into a small smile and he knew. She wasn't going to call. Whatever they had had simmering under the surface; unvoiced, taunting them, that tension of unspoken attraction was over.

He hung his head slightly and took a deep breath as he pulled open the back door of the town car. He leaned on the frame slightly and paused to look back over his shoulder, watching Kate and Mark turn towards the building. If this was really the last time he was going to see her, he didn't want that anxious, panicked look to be the last "Beckett" look he remembered. Not from her; someone who's face was painted with emotion, with life.

"Hey, Beckett," he called, pausing until she turned back to look at him. "Knight Bright."

He watched as the confusion on her face turned into mirth and a wide smile cracked across her features. She let out a startled laugh. His own grin grew, unable to be controlled as he watched her bark out the laugh.

"Not a chance, Castle," she called back. "Keep trying. You'll get it eventually."

She turned back towards the building, disappearing through the doors as he hung onto the car door and watched her walk away. Quietly slipping into the car, he pulled the door shut behind him and his smile fell.

You.

One little word and he felt his heart break as he clenched his jaw to bite back the tears threatening his eyes. _You'll get it eventually._ No "we". There was no "we" anymore. He was left to being alone with the ideas of what a relationship with Kate Beckett could have been like. Alone with Knight and Rook. Jade and Jameson: a glimpse at what might have been.

If only…

If only she had chosen him instead.

But had he really ever expected her to choose him? It had been a week. An amazing week, maybe, but only a week. A platonic week of collaborating with a smart, funny, sexy woman who had him enthralled. She had made it known from the start; she was taken. She was not to be chased. _You try anything, Castle, and, I promise you, I know karate._ He couldn't help but smile. He had known it from the start and he had fallen anyway.

_But she did, too._ The voice in his head taunted, whispered in his ear. _You could see it in her eyes. She felt it, too._

He sighed. It didn't matter, either way. The car pulled up to his building and he forced out a quiet thank you to the driver before the pushed open the door and trudged through the lobby, into the elevator. He didn't remember getting off on his floor or how he fished his key out of his pocket and unlocked the door, pushing it open. He didn't remember seeing his mother in the kitchen or plopping down on one of the stools until he was already there, head propped in hand.

"Hey, Kiddo!" Martha exclaimed as she turned around from the cup of tea she was making. "How was the dinner? Did you and Kate have fun?"

His eyes swiveled up slightly and Martha paused to look at him, spoon held in hand. "Richard? What's wrong? What happened?"

Castle looked up at his mother as his hand ran back through his hair.

"I fell in love with her," he confessed quietly, continuing as Martha's expression turned from curiosity to knowing compassion and pity. "I fell in love with her and now she's gone."

* * *

><p>Kate shifted in bed, her head turning to look at the bright red numbers staring back at her from the alarm clock on the side table. The cotton sheet was cool against her naked skin. She could feel the heat radiating off of Mark's body as he snored gently next to her. His arm was slung over her stomach, pressing a slight weight into her belly. It was a weight that she was used too. It was normal, comforting. She dragged her fingers over the skin of his forearm mindlessly, letting her nails scrape gently across the fine hairs covering his skin. She brought her other hand up and chewed gently on her thumbnail as she stared at the florescent numbers taunting her— reminding her that everyone around her was sleeping while she wasn't.<p>

He had apologized as soon as they had gotten up to the quiet apartment— her parents already asleep in their bedroom at the end of the hall. He had apologized for the jealousy and for deciding on Russia alone. He had come back to New York for her; he had jumped on a plane and the conference to see her, to be with her. He had buried his face in her neck and told her he loved her as he kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear. Her arms came up and wrapped around his neck as she buried her face in his shoulder, forcing her tears to stay at bay. She's the one that should be apologizing, begging for his forgiveness.

She had melted into him; the familiar feel of his body pressed against hers, the smell of him. She knew it; she had known it for seven years. She had led him to the bed, slowly undressing him as she made a silent promise to herself to push any thoughts of Richard Castle from her mind. She forced her mind back to the way Mark's weight felt settled on top of her and how he knew the spots that made her moan.

He came back. That meant that they had a chance and, after seven years together, they deserved a chance.

She shifted in bed again, slowly flipping onto her side to face the man next to her, reaching up a finger to gently trace the lines of his face, around the side of his ear and bringing her hand up to run through his hair. She watched as he rubbed his head against the pillow, and bit her lip as he swam back towards consciousness, his face crinkling in a way that used to make her giggle all the time. Her heart panged gently and she let a small smile cross her face. It was no giggle, but it was a start.

"Hey," she whispered as Mark blinked opened his eyes to squint at her in the dark room.

"Sup?" he slurred as his eyes fluttered shut again and he struggled to blink back towards consciousness.

She smiled at him, running her hand down the side of his face, tracing the lines of his neck before rubbing her hand down his arm that was resting on her side. His fingers squeezed her waist gently, his thumb running over the ridge of her hipbone. Mark let out a soft groan and shifted forward as he wrapped his arm further around her and pulled her towards him, his face resting against her shoulder. Her hand came up to play with the short hairs on the back of his neck.

She felt the pang in her gut. She was still hurt, but she had forgiven him, put it in the past.

Kate let out a sigh. No matter what he had done, she had done worse. She was the one that had screwed up. She had found herself falling for someone else, wondering what it would be like to be with someone else while her fiancé was half way around the world. She was the one that he should be mad at. She was the one that had to make things right.

She took in a deep breath and he shifted, bringing his head down to rest in the crook of her elbow, burying his head into her side, tickling her with his hair.

"Hey," she repeated, tapping him on the shoulder until he brought his head back up to look at her. "Let's go to Russia."

* * *

><p>** NO, this is not the end**<p>

A/N2:

Want to see how Kate and Mark met? What Castle's time shadowing Ryan and Esposito was like? The game of top-of-the-line laser tag? etc.

In celebration of reaching 200 reviews (I am completely blown away, by the way) I invite you to hit me with your best prompt. If there is a scene (from this) universe that you want to see, send it to me in a review or a PM. I will write two one-shots: one based on the most requested prompt and one based on my favorite idea.

Exceptions: The prompt CANNOT be a future/post fic scene. Sorry! No spoilers! (oh, and no smut. I don't write it) :)

So get to it! and thank you again for all of your kind words! :)


	15. Chapter 14

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: So, I just wanted to explain one thing. Kate is my favorite character- I love the fact that she is strong (a complete bad ass) and I try to stay true to that but one of her major weaknesses is relationships. She's not as strong when it comes to them. Also, as most people would tell you, when you've been in a relationship for a long time you don't give it up without a fight.

I hope I managed to explain myself a little bit.

Thank you to all of you for your reading and support. I was a little disappointed to read that some people were stopping reading after the last chapter but everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Thank you for sticking with me though.

This story is far from over.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 14<span>

Kate paused from where she had been packing her suitcase when her foot hit something shoved under the bed. Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she squatted down, lifting the bed skirt to see what it was. She smiled. The comic books. She pulled out the small stack and stood back up so that she could sit on the bed as she looked over them over. She had only gotten through about half of them. She flipped through the slowly, reading over the titled as she went. Her fingers paused at one in the middle and she pulled it out, placing the others on the bed beside her as she flipped the chosen one open to page one.

It was an Avengers comic that Castle had slid into her stack when she had said that she had never read any of The Avenger books. She let out a small chuckle as she remembered the gasp of horror that had left his lips and the look of mock betrayal in his eyes. He had then proceeded to shove five more books at her, carrying on about the injustice and the inhumanity of how she had not read these series. She had stood there with an amused smirk as she watched him, the occasional eye roll sneaking out.

She flipped another page and allowed herself to get drawn in to the colorful pages.

"What are you reading?"

Kate looked up, snapping out of the book as Mark walked back in from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist. She gave him a small smile as she shrugged and flipped the book so he could see the cover.

"The Avengers," she replied.

"You don't read The Avengers," Mark stated as he came around to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Castle recommended it," she answered and she could feel Mark stiffen beside her. "It's pretty good."

Mark let out a sigh and Kate huffed as she felt his shoulders tense. "I don't like that guy."

"Why not? He was perfectly nice to you." Kate shot back, feeling her own hackles rise.

Mark gave her a look as he went over to his own suitcase to pick out an outfit. "Did you not see the looks he was giving you? He's in love with you."

"No he's not," Kate defended. "He's my friend."

She could feel her gut clench as she said the words. Her stomach fluttered at the thought of Richard Castle being in love with her and she pulled in a shaky breath.

"Well, at least you aren't going to see him again," Mark mumbled and Kate felt something in her snap.

Had he really just said that?

"Do you seriously think you have any right to dictate who my friends are?" She growled as she uncurled her legs and stood from the bed.

Mark paused as he rethought his last statement. "Of course not, Babe. I just meant that between Moscow and Stanford, we aren't going to be in The City much and when we are here we will be visiting your parents."

Kate stilled. Moscow and Stanford?

"Columbia said they would hold the position for me," she stated slowly. "I want to take it next fall, after we get back from Russia."

Mark looked back at her, over his shoulder as he walked back towards the bathroom. "We'll talk about it, okay? I got an email on Monday, the dean just offered up tenure for me at Stanford, said that they had a nice package for you, too."

Kate's jaw fell open as she sank onto the bed and stared at the closed bathroom door. They would talk about it? Had he not said that they would do anything she wanted? That this was her choice?

She felt her chest tighten, the muscles pulling as she forced air into her lungs, as her heart began to beat wildly. It was Thursday. Mark had been in town for two full days where he had been a perfect gentleman, as he had been when they first met. Two days and he had known about this offer all along? So, what, they were going to go to Russia and then just back to Stanford because of a sweet deal?

She felt the heat rising up her neck and she pushed herself off of the bed. She made quick work of her pajamas, pulling on the first t-shirt and jeans she found and shoved her feet into a pair of flats.

She had to get out of here.

The apartment door slammed behind her and she pushed hard against the door to the stairwell, listening with satisfaction as the sound of it closing echoed down the well behind her.

She barely registered Frank saying something to her as she sped through the lobby and out the door, turning onto the sidewalk into the stream of pedestrian traffic.

Had she really been that stupid? She wondered as she curled her body in on itself, to avoid shoulder-slamming people as she wound her way down the road. It had never been about her. Not truly anyway. She was the one with the "easy" profession. The books she studied didn't change. They were always there, always the same. His on the other hand was dynamic, a science, a delicate dance for the entire world. Hers was just art.

She could hear it in the way he talked about it, the comments he made when she would rant about some new piece of "literature" that just came out.

"It's just a book, Katie."

But it wasn't just a book, her brain shouted. It was a time capsule; a testament to how they thought at a given point in time. In two hundred years books would be all they had left to remember what things were like in 2011. Well, books and archived videos of _The Kardashians_. Kate shuddered at the thought.

Turning into an alley she leaned back against the wall and heaved in a breath. She wasn't going to cry. She was stronger than this.

_Steel up, Kate_. She told herself.

_You deserve better than this._

Castle's words echoed in her head. She did deserve better than this, she deserved better than always coming second. When had this happened to her? When had she become this weak? It hadn't been like this in the beginning, she had been the aggressor; she had pulled him in. When had the tables turned and why hadn't she noticed?

She took another deep breath and leaned back. Glancing down she caught sight of the shirt she had pulled on in her haste to get out of the apartment.

Wonder woman.

She let out a small laugh and watched her finger, the diamond ring sparkling in the sunlight, as she lifted it up to be level with her face. Slowly her other hand came up and her fingers grasped the metal band, tugging it gently from her finger. She stared at it as it rested in her palm, the weight pressing down on her skin.

Her fingers curled around the ring and she pushed herself off of the wall.

The tears no longer threatened as she turned and made her way down the street, the ring clutched in her hand.

This was right.

It was time for it to be about her.

* * *

><p>Castle stared at the cursor blinking on the screen, taunting him.<p>

Blink. Blink. She's. Gone. Blink. Blink. She's. Gone. She's. Gone.

Blink. Blink. Blink. She's. Not. Yours.

He reached his hand up and shut the top of the laptop, the sound too loud in the silent room.

His hand rubbed down his face. He had barely slept in the past couple days. He had seen the looks that his mother and daughter had shared as he moped around the apartment in an undershirt and boxers. He hadn't cared.

He glanced over at the clock. Her flight had left an hour ago. He remembered because she had told him Monday night. She was due to fly back to California on Thursday. Then she and Mark would what? Go back to Russia? Get married? Have babies? Would she take the job at Columbia? Would he run into her on the street in ten years?

Castle growled in frustration and pushed back his chair. He couldn't do this right now. He hadn't even written anything over the past few days. No, "die, Mark, die" did not count as writing, even if he had written it over and over for pages.

He had to get away from is taunting cursor. Devil cursor. Cursor of death. Killer word processor: anything he typed would come true. People would die horrible and gruesome deaths with the press of a button.

Castle shook his head and made his way into the living room. That was a terrible story idea, even for him.

He rubbed a hand over his eyes as he wandered towards the kitchen, his bare feet slapping against the wooden floorboards. His footsteps felt heavy. Everything felt heavy.

Was it too early for a drink? It was five o'clock somewhere.

He paused in front of the liquor cabinet and eyed the bottle of scotch. He shook his head and snatched up the bottle of Disaronno instead. Spiked coffee was justifiable. He was a writer after all. Writers were expected to be dark, twisty and somewhat depressive alcoholics. Just look at Hemingway.

A little voice in the back of his head, that sounded any awful lot like Kate huffed. Hemingway was not a prime example of how to live your life.

He stared at the coffee pot as the dark fluid percolated down, dribbling into the glass pot. He could smell the amaretto in the mug wafting up towards his nose. He sighed. It wouldn't make it better but it might take away a little bit of the pain.

Castle's head jerked up when he heard a soft knock on the door and his heart began to pound in his chest. Was it Kate? Scenarios raced through his mind.

_She and Mark were in the airport about to go through security when Kate caught a glimpse of one of his books in a shop window. She stopped to stare. A glimmer, a reminder of what could have been. Mark was calling for her, wondering what she was waiting for, the plane was about to leave. She had to hurry. She looked up at him on the other side of the security barrier and she shook her head: a silent apology. She couldn't do it. She was in love with someone else. So, she turned around and ran back through the airport, jumping into the first cab she saw, one that she stole from a little old lady and her pregnant granddaughter. She urged the driver to go faster, to take a short cut as they wound their way through the city. She ran through the lobby, impatiently waiting until the elevator deposited her outside of his door…_

Castle took in a deep breath as the door swung open and he felt himself smile as he caught glimpse of familiar green eyes.

His smiled dropped, confusion taking its place on his face. He knew the eyes. They were hers, but everything else was wrong. The hair, the skin, the small smile on the woman standing in front of him were not right; they weren't Kate.

"Can I help you?" He stuttered out after a second.

The woman smiled softly at him. "Mr. Castle? My name is Johanna Beckett, I'm Kate's mother."

She extended her hand and Castle reached out to grasp it, a sense of calm settling over him as he stared at Johanna. He could understand how Kate turned out so extraordinary; it was because of the woman standing in front of him now.

"Of course, Mrs. Beckett. It is so nice to meet you," he replied as he took a step back allowing her entrance into his home.

He couldn't help but lean forward a little as he moved to close the door, glancing down into the hallway.

"Oh, sweetie, she isn't here. She's gone," Johanna said softly.

Castle couldn't help the soft sight that passed his lips as the door clicked shut softly.

She's gone. She's not yours. She's gone.

He shook his head again and turned to face the elder Beckett. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure, Mrs. Beckett?"

Johanna took a step further into the foyer and looked around, her eyes widening slightly. Castle smiled. Kate was so much like her mother, but Johanna's expressions were much more schooled. She didn't wear her emotions like Kate did. He wouldn't want to play poker with the woman. Years of being a lawyer had perfected her poker face. Can't show your cards in a courtroom.

He blinked and forced himself out of his thoughts with a deep breath. She was speaking to him.

"Katie asked me to give this to you."

Castle looked down to see her holding out a plain white envelope, his name printed neatly on the front.

_Castle._

He grasped it and let out a quiet thank you.

Johanna looked up at him, studying his tired face and disheveled hair. She reached up and tucked a clump of hair behind her ear.

So much like her daughter.

"I don't know how much I should tell you, Mr. Castle," she began.

"Rick, Mrs. Beckett. Please call me Rick. Do you want to sit down?" Castle chimed in when Johanna's voice trailed off.

"No, thank you. I'm not going to stay long. I'm just not sure how much Katie said in there," she gestured at the letter. She paused, her eyes drifting around slightly as she debated her next words. "But she and Mark broke up this morning. He left back to Russia and she headed back to California."

"She's going back to Stanford?" Castle interrupted, he felt his anxiety rising. She couldn't go back. She as supposed to be here.

Johanna gave him a calming smile and he felt his heart relax.

"No, sweetheart. She's packing up things there, putting them into storage. She said she wanted to spend some time alone, travel some. After that she will decide what she wants to do. Where she wants to go."

Johanna turned back towards the door, pausing to nod at the note in his hand. Castle followed her silently, holding the door open for her as she made her way across the threshold.

"Thank you, Mr. Castle," she stated, looking up at him.

Castle shrugged, startled. "For what?"

Johanna reached up and patted him on the cheek in a way only a mother could. "For making her smile again. I hadn't seen her that happy in a long time. She thought she was happy with Mark but they weren't right for each other. They were holding each other back instead of pushing each other forward. I don't think she saw it until she met you. I know you care about her, Rick, a fool could see that and from the look I've seen reflected in her eyes I know that you two would be great together. Just give her time. She'll come back. Katie does everything at her own pace. That stubborn girl."

Castle stood frozen as he watched Johanna Beckett make her way down the hall and disappear into the elevator.

He closed the door with a click and turned to lean against it as he looked down at the letter clutched in his hand. The once perfectly crisp corners now crumpled slightly from his fingers. He took a deep breath and slid his finger under the flap, tearing at the white paper. His fingers trembled as he pulled a single folded piece of paper out of the slit and flipped it open.

_Checkmate._

_The title is so much better when it is about Knight and Rook together, don't you think? After all, it is their story, right, not just hers? _

Castle read the lines again and let out a chuckle as he pushed his back off of the door and padded towards his office, sinking back down into his chair, pulling his laptop back down into his lap. There were so many meanings in those few lines.

Damn woman was going to be the death of him.

He shook his head again as his fingers began to fly over the keys, the short letter propped up against a lamp on his desk.

Checkmate.

* * *

><p>AN2: This isn't just a story about Kate and Rick, it's about Kate figuring out who she is, what she wants. If she decided to leave Mark and ran immediately to Castle then it would be about the men in her life and not about her taking the time to figure out what she wanted, who she was. I hope that makes sense.

A/N3: Since you all might be a little less mad at me after this chapter, I ask you again to send me your prompts (see the A/N at the end of the previous chapter). :)


	16. Chapter 15

Back to Where We Have Never Been 

Part 2

A/N: So, I know I have said this many times before, but I am completely blown away by your support. You are seriously some amazing readers. Some of your reviews made me cry. I'm sorry I haven't had time to respond to them all individually but trust me, I read and appreciate every single one of them.

On another note, those of you who have been asking me about original fiction should be happy to note that I am getting myself amped up for NaNoWriMo in November. I'm excited and hopefully something publishable will come of it.

In any case, on with chapter 15. :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 15<span>

The first postcard he received was from New Orleans. It wasn't signed. In fact, it only had thee words printed on it.

_Best. Coffee. Ever. _

Castle smiled when he recognized the handwriting and flipped it over to see the picture of a French coffee shop on the front. He wanted to call her and talk to her, ask her how she was, what she was doing, where she was going next. Instead he pulled on his coat and locked the door behind him as he made his way out into the city. Johanna had said that she wanted space, a chance to figure things out for herself. He could give her that.

It was the beginning of October and a slight chill was settling into the air. Alexis had just received her rejection letter from Stanford a few days before and had taken to moping around the apartment in her pajamas and bathrobe. He could now understand why his mother and daughter had been so worried about him when he had been doing the same thing.

He shoved his hands into his pockets as he made his way down the street towards the store. The last two months had gone by in a swirl of activity, which had seemed to drag on years and sped by in seconds at the same time. He had been wondering if he would hear anything from her. They hadn't spoken since that night Mark had returned. He had received no news from her since her mother had visited his apartment. Two months of quiet brooding and wonder.

Would she actually come back?

The postcard with three words acted like a balm. It healed his burning heart just a little bit, enough to take away the edge of the sting.

He felt the edge of the card slide against his finger and he couldn't help but smile. Of course she would be thinking about coffee. She drank it like water. In fact, he had never actually seen her drink water. He shook his head as he pulled his hand out of his pocket and reached out to grasp the handle to the shop.

He had shipped the first draft of the novel off to the publisher a couple of weeks before and was waiting on the inevitable phone call for a meeting of "suggestions". He rolled his eyes at the thought. Gina would see right through his characters and give him that look. She didn't even have to say anything to let him know that she knew.

Castle gulped.

He really hated that look.

The smell of coffee hit him like a wall as he walked through the doorway and into the specialty coffee shop. He wandered down the short aisles slowly, taking his time as he searched for the right name. In the end, he ended up having to ask the girl behind the counter with the purple hair and a ring in her eyebrow for help. He showed her the postcard and eyed the tattoo of Rosie the Riveter on her arm as she motioned for her to follow him towards the back of the store. She reached up to the top shelf and pulled down a yellow tin for him.

_Café du Monde. _

He let out a small thank you as she rang it up for him and he walked back out the street, can in one hand, post card in his pocket.

* * *

><p>The second postcard came a week later from Key West, Florida. This one said more.<p>

_Just spent the evening at a drag show with a couple of hot lesbians and one very convincing cross dresser. _

_P.S. The cats say hi. _

The writing was a little slanted, slightly sloppy, and he shook his head as he pictured her nursing her hang over the next morning. But, the cats? He flipped the card over and laughed as he saw the image of Hemingway's house and his cats on the front. Of course, she would write a blurb about a drag show on Hemingway's post card. The man was probably rolling over in his grave.

* * *

><p>By the time he received the third card he had decided to buy a map. This one didn't arrive for a month, but then again it did come internationally and his heart started to beat double time when he saw the location: Morocco.<p>

It wasn't the fact that she was in an Arab country that worried him; it was that she was a woman alone in an Arab country that worried him. Granted, it was Morocco, not Afghanistan, but still. His heart started to pound as he looked at the haunting eyes of the woman on the cover, her hand help up in front if her face, showing off the intricate henna covering the back of her palm and wrapping around her wrist. He peered at the smoky, heavily made up haunting eyes and the scarf wrapped around her head. He couldn't help but think how beautiful it was. He could imagine Kate sitting, watching as an old woman painted the patterns on her own skin, asking quiet questions as the heavy ink stained hands and feet. Wearing loose fitting, flowing clothing that covered her from her wrists to her ankles in respect.

He finally tore his eyes away from the image and flipped over the card.

_It's beautiful here. _

_Stop worrying, I'm fine. _

He smiled. Of course she was.

* * *

><p>By the time he had found the perfect map and cleared a space for it on his wall he had received the next card from Spain. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it. His moment was prematurely interrupted though as Alexis ran into the apartment crying, running up the steps to her room without so much as a 'hi'.<p>

He sighed and pinned the card to the map before making his way out of his office and clomping up the stairs to his daughter's room.

"Alexis? Are you okay?" He asked gently as he rapped a bent knuckle gently against the wood.

"Boys are stupid!" Came a muffled reply and Castle let out a small sigh. It was about Ashley.

"Can I come in?" He called.

"Are you a boy?" She shouted back.

"Yes…"

"Then, no!"

Castle sighed again and shook his head as he stepped back from the door. It was times like this he needed back up, someone to talk to about the intricacies of the female, teenaged brain. He had managed, somehow fumbled through, the past seventeen plus years without too much trouble but the past few would have been so much easier with another woman around.

He trudged back down the stairs and into his office. He stared at the map and his eyes flickered down to his phone. He could call her. She spent so much time abroad that chances are she had an international calling plan. He picked up the phone and felt the weight of it in his palm. He had her number saved, had from the first time she had texted him months before.

He turned it on, pressing down on the little "Beckett" icon that popped up.

His thumb hesitated, hovering over the little green button for a second too long.

_Katie is stubborn, does everything in her own time. Always has._

Johanna Beckett's words echoed through his brain.

He would have to wait for her.

He sighed again and scrolled down to the next number in the phone, pressing on that one instead.

"Mrs. Beckett? It's Richard Castle. Yes, I know it has been a while. I was wondering if you would be willing to meet me for lunch?"

They had been meeting for lunch every week for the last couple of months, chatting about everything and nothing at the same time. Castle listened to the stories that Johanna had about raising her own daughter as a teenager and he felt his heart start to pound. Maybe Alexis wasn't so bad after all. A little moping built characters, after all. It wasn't like she was out partying all the time or getting tattoos.

Kate had a tattoo?

He felt his throat go dry. Where?

He shook his head and focused back Johanna was saying. She was the expert on teenaged girls after all.

The conversations progressed the more they met, turning from parenting advice to other easier topics, like literature, politics, religion. He began to get character ideas for his next book when Johanna started talking about her work.

She had started out as a civil rights attorney, working on as many pro-bono cases as she could. She said she changed her focus after a near miss thirteen years prior. She and Kate had been walking to meet her husband for dinner. They had stopped briefly to get pictures of an alley pertinent to one of the cases she had taken for an inmate. Kate started to get agitated, paranoid, looking around. Jittery. She had pulled her mother away from the alley and made her promise to drop the case.

"All she said was that she had a feeling," Johanna shrugged. "She was nineteen. She had never had a 'feeling' about anything like that before."

Castle leaned back in his chair and stared at her. "Why did it convince you then?"

Johanna looked up at him, her coffee cup clutched in her hands. "You didn't see the level of terror in her eyes. It was like she just knew that something bad was going to happen. I dropped the case the next day. Two weeks later I heard that another attorney I knew had been murdered in that alleyway. He had taken over the case, the inmate- Joe Pulgatti- had been shanked in his cell in Rikers."

Castle took in a short breath.

Johanna looked him dead in the eyes. "I should have died that day. I know it. I know it every time I look at my daughter. She saved my life. She saved us all."

Johanna looked down and spun the mug once on the table. "I changed my focus, handed off all of my open cases and started working with my husband. Civil law. It's boring, but it's safe."

Castle nodded. "Do you ever wish you had kept on with the case?"

Johanna shook her head. "I feel bad for the guy, but this whole thing was bigger than I could have ever imagined. It went deeper, holds tighter. Too tight. Some secrets are meant to be kept; I think this is one of them."

Castle nodded his head slightly.

* * *

><p>The first Knight and Rook novel went to publish in March after too many debates and rewrites at Gina's insistence. Sometimes Castle swore that she did it just out of spite.<p>

Just for the record, the sex scene had not been his idea. His ear burned just thinking about Kate's reaction.

The map in his office was barely visible; so many colorful cards covered it, most not even where they were supposed to be, due to limited space. The postcard from France had been written in French. He had growled in protest when he had seen it and there was no way the Google translation of it was correct.

He had been forced to ask Alexis for a translation, his ears burning bright red when he had left her room moments later, the card clutched in one hand and her laughter ringing after him.

_The French do it with their tongues. _

He had gone out and bought a jar of pistachios later that evening.

The woman was pure evil.

* * *

><p>The last post card he received was on the eve of his summer book tour. He was going to be gone for the majority of the summer, touring the country. He wanted to let her know in case she came back into the city. It had been almost a year since she had left and the fall semester was fast approaching. He ended up leaving a message with Johanna after he pinned the card to Australia on the map. The picture of a kangaroo doing the limbo stared back at him and he couldn't help but laugh as he remembered the line scribbled on the back.<p>

_How low can you go down under?_

He would be back in August and hopefully she would be, too.

* * *

><p>Kate took a deep breath as she pulled open the door to the lecture hall. She had printed off the course list a minute before rushing out the door of her new office. It would not be good for the new professor to be late for the first day of classes. Especially, not with a lecture hall full of fresh faced freshmen waiting for her. The older students seemed to understand— the grad students most of all. They new, some of them taught, too. But freshmen? They would leave and never come back or worse, they would take it as meaning they could show up late to class, as well.<p>

She placed her stack of books on the lectern and turned to face the classroom. Almost every seat was full. Apparently Popular Fiction 101 was popular. No pun intended. She took another deep breath. Russian lit never got this many students. Forty tops. This class has to have at least a hundred students in it and they were all staring at her.

Great.

"Welcome to Popular Fiction 101. My name is Katherine Beckett. You can call me Professor or Dr. Beckett. No, Doc, Prof, Becks, Kate or Katherine are not allowed. If you are here because you wanted an easy A or because you think my ass looks hot in jeans, I would highly recommend that you leave now. Trust me, it won't be worth it. As you can see on your syllabus you have a reading list of approximately sixteen books. There are sixteen weeks in the semester. Amazing how that works out. You will have two exams: a midterm and a final. You will also have three papers due. My lectures are not posted online. Yes, you will have to do all of the reading and no, attendance is not mandatory but you will fail if you don't come to class. You are here for an hour at a time. If I see a phone out during that hour I will take it and you will have to come to my office during office hours to get it back. I think the world can go without your tweets for 50 minutes. If there is an emergency situation please excuse yourself to take your call outside. Any questions?"

Kate scanned across the blank, semi-terrified faces looking back at her. It was eight am on Monday, the first day of classes. She forced herself to suppress a smirk.

"No? Good. Welcome to Columbia."

Her eyes finished scanning the crowd as she gave instructions to initial by their names on the attendance roster and she stumbled over her words slightly as her eyes caught those of a single red head sitting in the far back corner.

She turned around to make her way back to the desk in the middle of the floor and shook the mouse by the computer to wake up the sleeping machine. Her eyes flickered back up and she saw the girl staring back at her, her expression blank. She shook her head slightly. She could deal with this in forty-five minutes. Not, right now.

Kate had been back in New York for a month and yes she had been busy but not busy enough to use it as an excuse. She had seen that Castle had had a book signing at her favorite bookstore a week before, but had turned back to her apartment instead of going in. She had thought about it constantly since she had left almost exactly a year before: what she would say when she saw him next time. When it would be. She had wondered every time she had sent a new postcard. But in the end, when it came time for her to pick up the phone and tell him she was back in the city she had faltered.

She had gotten scared.

Now, her fear was about to come back around and bite her in the ass.

Kate watched as the students filed out. She could hear some of the grumbling about the reading list, she could hear others placating them, saying that it wasn't going to be that bad. She busied herself with cleaning up her desk and collecting the three phones she had confiscated during those final forty minutes. And they thought she had been kidding.

A throat cleared and Kate looked up to see Alexis staring back at her.

"Hi Dr. Beckett," the girl stated quietly.

Kate couldn't help but smile at the sweet girl. Her hair was shorter, cut in layers to hang just below her shoulders. It was more a mature, grown up style. Her father had probably cried when she came home with it.

"Hi Alexis," Kate responded just as quietly. "How are you?"

Alexis nodded in reply, her binder clutched to her chest. "I'm doing well."

Kate nodded again. She could feel it coming, the girl gathering up her courage. She waited, shifting from one foot to the other as she ducked her head for a moment.

"My dad doesn't know that you're back. I didn't tell him when I saw your name on in the course listings. I figured you would call him yourself."

Kate couldn't bring herself to look the girl in the eye. She needed to call him. He deserved that much, even if he did hate her for leaving.

She hadn't even brought herself to open the copy of _Checkmate_ she had purchased in the airport the minute she touched back down in JFK weeks before.

"He has a map set up in his office with all of the postcards you sent him. He missed you."

Kate's eyes snapped up. "He does?"

Alexis let out a small smile. "You should call him."

Kate nodded absently as she watched Alexis turn towards the exit.

She should call him.


	17. Chapter 16

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: Thank you all again for your continuing support. You rock, roll and rule. To all of you who have stuck with me since the beginning of this silly little AU idea I had, thank you so much for your continuing support. To those of you new readers, welcome! :)

Now, on to chapter 16! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 16<span>

She didn't call him.

She had wanted to. She had picked up her phone countless times over the course of the past few weeks since Alexis has approached her in class but she had never been able to bring herself to dial.

"You should call him."

Kate growled as she flopped back onto the sinfully comfortable couch in her newly furnished, industrial-style Soho apartment. It had taken her a week after she had gotten back to New York to find the right furniture and even now it was sparsely decorated. She had been going to art markets and street fairs for weeks to find pieces of art and different accessories that said something about her: things with meaning.

She rubbed her face with her hands, covered her features with her palms as she blew out a puff of air.

"I don't _need_ to do anything," she protested. "Ow!"

Kate pulled her hands down off of her face so she could glare over at her mother.

"What was that for?" She grumbled as one hand came up to rub the ear Johanna had just flicked a little harder than necessary.

"For being a smartass. I swear the two of you are perfect for each other in that respect."

Kate paused, her hand mid rub, as her eyes swiveled towards her mother. "The two of you, who?"

Johanna pushed herself off from where she had been perched on the coffee table and turned to quickly make her way towards the kitchen. "You want some wine, Katie? I feel like having some wine."

Kate lifted her head off of the couch, using her elbows to prop herself up as she swung her feet onto the ground so she could stalk after her mother.

"Mom, what did you do?" Kate questioned as she rounded the kitchen island, one heel of one hand resting against the cool tile surface as her finger tips tapped impatiently against the surface.

Johanna shrugged as she opened the cabinet and pulled down two of the oversized wine glasses, she had given her daughter as a house warming present, before turning to pull a bottle of Merlot off of the full wine rack. "Just have a feeling. You know how that goes."

Kate let out another small growl and crossed her arms over her chest as she pinned her mother with her best 'death glare'.

Johanna glanced over at her as she reached for the corkscrew and made a small humph. "Don't give me that look, Katie. I taught you that look."

"Mother…" Kate narrowed her eyes a little more, holding her glare steady.

"Katherine…" Johanna parroted back.

Kate's glare turned into a glower as the older woman proceeded to uncork the bottle, pour two glasses and place one on the counter in front of her daughter's crossed arms. Kate didn't touch the glass, instead she turned on her heels in a small circle, making her glare follow the other woman as Johanna made her way back around the island and towards the couch.

Johanna paused halfway to the couch and turned back to Kate, her finger pointing over her shoulder to the purple painting on the wall of a woman running through a warzone, holding a baby.

"That piece is beautiful and disturbing a the same time. Reminds me a little of you, Katie."

Kate didn't move from her glaring position, not allowing herself to be deterred by the change in topic.

Johanna glanced back over at her daughter and finally sighed, giving in with a shrug, as she lifted her glass to her lips. "We've been getting together for coffee or lunch every once-in-a-while."

Kate's glare fell and her body visibly deflated as she reached for her wine glass. "Seriously?"

"Why is that so bad, Katie? He's a very nice young man."

When Kate took a large gulp of wine instead of answering, Johanna continued. "The man has a map set up in his office covered in postcards from all over the world. Postcards that _you_ sent him, by the way. Let's not forget that little fact. He obviously likes you and you like him. Why would you keep in contact that entire time and not want to see him now?"

Kate shifted from foot to foot, her arms wrapped around her middle as she stood awkwardly in the kitchen and avoided her mother's gaze; looking everywhere in the apartment except for the living room.

Johanna let out a deep sigh as she took another sip of wine and brought her fingers up to pinch the bridge of her nose. Her voice softened as she looked at her daughter. "What's going on, Katie? Why are you so scared?"

"I'm not scared," Kate scoffed, bristling slightly.

It was Johanna's turn to pin her daughter with the same glare Kate had tried to use on her earlier. Kate huffed as she turned to make her way back to the couch, wine glass in hand.

"That's not fair," Kate grumbled as Johanna's head turned, the glare following the younger Beckett woman as she made her way across the apartment.

Kate glanced over at her mother one last time as Johanna settled into one of the vintage-style chairs Kate had found a couple of days earlier.

"Fine," she finally relented, sinking back into the overstuffed sofa cushions, lifting the wine glass to her lips for one last sip of liquid encouragement. "It's because he has a freaking map."

Johanna let out a knowing hum, like Kate had just confirmed the theory she had had all along.

"We spent a week together and it wasn't even a romantic week. It was just two people working together and he made a map, Mom. That's…" Kate's voice trailed off and her eyes rolled to the ceiling as she shook her head.

"He likes you, Katie. He missed you. That's not a bad thing," Johanna argued gently.

Kate nodded absently and Johanna sat forward in her chair, her wine glass clasped in both hands, elbows resting on her legs, so the stem of the glass dangled between her knees. "Why did you send him the cards?"

Kate sighed and shrugged, earning another glare from her mother.

Throwing the other woman a look, Kate ran a hand through her hair and rolled her eyes down to study her own wine glass, still half full of deep red liquid. She twirled the stem a little and the fluid sloshed up, temporarily staining the glass.

She took in a deep breath and thought back to the first week she had spent in New Orleans, where she had decided to start her trek. It had been a place she had always wanted to visit, but had never gotten the chance. She had picked up the postcard on impulse, filling it out quickly as she had finished her cup of coffee, sitting at a table just outside the coffee shop, watching the people on the street walking by: making up stories about their lives. She had never done that before she had met him… written her own story.

She had mailed it before she could give it a second thought. It had been a selfish gesture, one that made her feel better for leaving without another word, to let him know that she was still thinking about him even if she couldn't bring herself to call: to make contact. This way was more impersonal and yet, more intimate. She would send a card whenever something reminded her of him. No, that wasn't true. She sent a card from each country, the first time something reminded her of him.

If she had sent a card every time, she would have sent thousands.

"Because I missed him, too." She confessed quietly. "It's just…"

She trailed off again as she tried to find the words to explain herself and Johanna reached over to clasp a warm hand on her knee. "I know, Katie. I know."

* * *

><p>There were five minutes left in her office hours on the third Friday of the semester and Kate was looking forward to going home. So, when there was a knock on her door, Kate couldn't help the small groan that escaped her throat. Of her three classes, the Russian Lit and Comparative Lit courses were going smoothly, a little too smoothly. Unfortunately, it was the Popular Fiction course that was currently causing issues. She had just laid out the instructions for the first paper in class that morning and she, and her inbox, had since been flooded with a steady stream of emails and knocks on her door.<p>

"Come in," she called without glancing up from her computer screen.

She heard the door creak open but only became curious enough to look up when no sound, apology or introduction came from the person standing there.

"Can I help…?" She asked as she finished her email and turned her chair around to catch a clear view of Richard Castle leaning against the doorframe. "You?"

"Rick…hi," she forced out, swallowing the lump in her throat as she looked at him, standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

His eyes studied her face for a long moment, a ghost of a smile covering his lips. She could feel her skin start to heat up as he continued to stare, looking over all of her, from her longer hair to the light make up and collared dress shirt.

"So," he began, as he took a step into the office, making his way towards one of the chairs on the opposite side of her desk from her. "My daughter has this professor, who has been making her run around like a crazy person reading and analyzing countless books for weeks. Then, today, she comes home completely stressed out about this fifteen-page paper she has to write but refuses to tell me anything more. I tell her that this professor sounds like a complete sadist, but she defends this person, telling me that it really isn't that bad. So, I, as the loving, yet curious man that I am, sneak into her bag and pull out her syllabus to see who this heartless bastard is. Imagine my surprise when I see the name Katherine Beckett staring back at me."

Kate closed her eyes as she brought a hand up to rub her forehead, letting out a small sigh. "I, um, I was going to call you…"

Castle gave her a small tight-lipped smile and a nod in reply.

They sat in silence for a minute just looking at each other. It had been a year. A lot could change in a year; a lot had changed.

Castle sat back in his chair. "It's good to see you, Kate. You look good."

Kate dropped her head to stare at her hands playing in her lap, fingers twining together and twisting around, before lifting her eyes back up to meet his. A small smile flickered onto her face as she looked at him. "Thanks, Rick. So do you."

He did look good. His hair was a little longer, scruffier, his face a little fuller. The circles under his eyes were lighter, like he had been sleeping better. Kate stared at him for a minute longer, allowing herself to look at him in a way she hadn't been able to a year before, when she had been in a relationship. A lock of hair fell down onto his forehead and her fingers itched to reach forward and brush it back. His eyes flickered from grey to blue as they roamed around her office, taking in the books stacked on the shelves and the small knickknacks she had collected over the years.

Castle shifted back in his chair as his eyes continued to roam, stopping briefly at the line of Russian nesting dolls lined up on the top shelf of her bookshelf before drifting back to her desk. He leaned forward as he looked at the line of elephants parading along beside her computer monitor. He lifted his hips as he dug into his pocket and pulled out a dollar bill. Kate watched in amusement as he folded it lengthwise down the center and scooted forward another couple of inches so he could reach over and thread it through the curved trunk of the lead pachyderm.

Kate couldn't help but let a smile slip and Castle glanced up at her as he pulled back and settle into his chair once again.

"It's for luck…" he began to explain and Kate nodded at him, her eyes beginning a roll she forced herself to stop.

"I know, Castle," she said gently instead.

His face broke into an embarrassed smile, that Kate had to admit was at least slightly adorable. "Of course you do. They're yours."

Kate smiled at him and shifted in her chair, bringing her elbows up to rest on the desk, one of her fingers drifting over the back of the white elephant gently, petting it.

"So," Castle began again and Kate's eyes snapped back up to his. "How long have you been back?"

Kate sucked in a small breath, before she confessed quietly. "Stateside about four months. In New York about two."

Castle's eyebrows rose until they nearly disappeared into his hairline. "Four months? Jesus, Kate!"

Castle took in a deep breath to calm himself and Kate's eyes flickered to the open door as a throat cleared itself softly.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Dr. Beckett," a voice started, and Castle spun around to see a small, blonde, young woman, dressed in a Columbia t-shirt with a paperback clutched to her chest, standing awkwardly in the doorway he had occupied only minutes before. "But I had a question about this past week's reading."

Castle turned back to look at Kate with an embarrassed grimace and she gave him a small tight-lipped smile in return as he pushed himself out if his chair. "I'll be outside."

Kate could hear the unspoken '_we're not finished' _in the statement. She gave him another small smile and a nod before turning her attention to the student now standing slightly inside the doorway, stepping to the side so that Castle could slip by her.

Both women turned to watch as Castle disappeared down the hall.

"Was that…?" The girl, Angela, asked her voice still quiet, but now suddenly braver as she leaned forward, her thumb pointing back over her shoulder.

Kate gave her an indulgent smile. "Richard Castle? Yes."

Angela's eyes grew wide and she twisted her body around to look back out the door, her body leaning over so she could see down the hall.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed as she turned back to look at Kate. "I love his books. The new one_,_ _Checkmate_, is amazing. Have you read it? And he is so handsome. Do you think he would sign my book for me?"

Kate rolled her eyes at the freshman and motioned her to sit down, ignoring the fan girl outburst. "What questions did you have, Angela?"

* * *

><p>The girl was giggling her way down the hall, her freshly signed copy of <em>Checkmate <em>clutched to her chest, as Kate slung her briefcase over her shoulder and turned to lock her office door. She spun her hand around her hair, pulling it down to fall over her other shoulder and turned to find Castle staring at her.

He stood from the bench, where he had been waiting for her, as she walked the couple of feet towards him. She stopped in front of him and raised her chin slightly to look at him, her lower lip drawn in between her teeth, arms crossed over her chest.

"Come on." She motioned for him to follow her as she turned to walk down the hall. "There is something I want to show you."

The trip across town was silent, except for the slight protest Castle put up when Kate insisted on taking the subway instead of a cab.

He followed her up the stairs of the subway station and down the street to a brick apartment building. He opened his mouth to ask what they were doing when she stopped to pull her keys out of her bag, but fell silent again as she opened the front door of her apartment and motioned for him to follow her inside.

Kate placed her briefcase on the counter and bent over to pull of her heels before turning back to watch him as he ventured slowly into the foreign area.

"This is your apartment?" He asked slightly redundantly and she answered with a nod.

He nodded back at her, his hands shoved in his pockets. "What did you want to show me, Kate?"

Kate held her arms out to the sides, in a silent invitation for him to look around. "This. I wanted to show you my apartment."

Castle stopped, confusion etched on his face. "I don't understand."

Kate took a step towards him, her arms crossing to tuck around her chest protectively. "This is the first time I've had my own apartment. I went from living with my parents to living with roommates to living with Mark. I've never been on my own, Castle."

She shrugged as her mouth lifted into a lopsided half smile. "I kind of like it."

Castle nodded again, his eyes falling to look at his brown leather shoes. "I get it. I'll go."

Kate eyes grew wide as he turned to walk back to the door. She took a couple of quick steps forward blocking his path. "Rick, wait. I'm not explaining myself very well. I'm saying I didn't call because I needed time to figure things out. Getting away was good, but it just let me push aside all of my problems. I ran from them. Being back here is forcing me to face them again, to figure out what I want."

She paused and ran a hand through her hair before looking back up at him, her chin forced to rise a little bit higher now that she was barefoot. "I'm not saying no, I'm not saying that I don't want to see you. I'm saying that I need to take things slow."

Castle rocked back on his heels as he regarded her, standing in front of him with her palms stretched out, facing him. He nodded his head slowly. He could understand that.

"Okay," he agreed softly. "I can do slow. Can I ask you to grab a cup of coffee with me, would that be slow enough? I would like to hear about your adventures."

A small smile graced Kate's face and she nodded back. "A cup of coffee sounds great."

The smile turned to a smirk as she got a mischievous glint in her eye and Castle's grin faltered. "And you can explain to me why you've been having lunch with my mother and that nice little sex scene on page 105."


	18. Chapter 17

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: The bad news: this chapter is kind of short. The good news: it's spring break so I have more time to write! Everyone hyped for Castle at Paleyfest tonight? I know I am. :)

As always, thank you for reading, your support and reviews. I do read every one and appreciate your feedback. Now, on to chapter 17! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 17<span>

She stared at him from across the small café table, two paper cups of coffee sitting between them. Her eyes threatened to stray for a second to the pastry case over his shoulder but she held strong and kept them on him instead. She leaned back in her chair, resting with her arms crossed over her chest and her legs crossed under the table. She tapped her toes in the air as her fingers tapped in rhythm on the plastic tabletop. Her eyes narrowed and her lip twitched, threatening a smile she managed to suppress. It was too fun to watch him squirm. She had to stay strong.

"Well, you see. It's actually a funny story…" he began.

She cocked her head to the side, her lips pursed slightly, watching as he swallowed. His adam's apple bobbed as he brought a hand up to run through his hair.

He glanced up to meet her eyes before quickly looking back down to study the fascinating plastic cover to his grande café mocha latte. His finger flicked at the plastic rim a couple of times before his words stuttered into motion again.

"Gina, my publisher and my ex-wife, but that isn't important right now. Her being my ex I mean, it is important that she is my editor. But, anyway, she said that the book was good but that I had toned it down too much. I took out those, what did you call them? Oh, yes, "cheesy secondary story lines that read like a cheap romance novel", and the publishing company wasn't too happy about it, so I had to add something in. And, you know, it was probably a good thing I did because it has been my best selling novel so far, Knight and Rook have been a hit. Not to say that it's only a hit because of the sex scene, but it probably didn't hurt… They want a series. I think it's a good idea. Don't you think that is fantastic? Fans have been telling me how much they love it, and there has been talk of a movie. Jade Knight is a star…"

Castle's babbling monologue trailed off as he looked up and saw her staring at him. Her hand covered her mouth in an attempt to cover a smile as her eyes shined at him, crinkling slightly at the corners. Her shoulders shook with held in laughter. His eyes grew wide as he stared at her, his jaw hanging open slightly.

"You're messing with me?" He asked incredulously.

She sucked in a deep breath, swallowing her laughter as she pasted on her best innocent expression and shook her head. "No, not at all. I am furious."

She managed to make it through the sentence before her face broke and she burst out into laughter. He continued to stare at her, and every time she managed to pull herself together enough to look at him again, she would glance up and burst into laughter again.

"I wish you could see your face," she finally wheezed out, bringing a hand up to wipe away the tears gathering in the corner of her eyes.

He shook his head, bringing his coffee cup up to his lips for a sip, a smile finally crossing his face. "I'm glad my awkward babbling is so amusing to you."

Kate leaned back in her chair, taking a deep breath as her shoulders shook with one final chuckle. Letting out a sigh, she brought her own coffee up for a sip and shook her head as she stared at him over the lid. She sat like that for a moment, her eyes studying him as he stared back.

"I missed you," she finally voiced, the paper cup pressed against her lips.

"I missed you, too," he stated back, a look of genuine relief crossing his face. "I was worried for a little while that I would never get to see you again."

Kate let out a sigh, looking down as she placed her cup back on the table, spinning it around a couple of times with her right hand as her left arm rested in her lap, fingers rubbing together. "For a while I wasn't sure if I was going to come back."

Castle settled back in his chair, his arms crossing over his chest as he watched her staring down at the table, her hair falling over her face. "Why did you break up with Mark?"

The question came out as a whisper but the sound of it was deafening as it reverberated between them. Kate's hand paused and her eyes snapped up to meet his. He tried to read the expression, somewhere between pain, regret and defiance.

She let out a sigh and sunk back into her chair, her coffee cup clutched to her chest like a lifeline. Her eyes flickered up to his before glancing around to look at everything that wasn't him: the table, her lap, the couple sitting at the table in the corner, the pastry case. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"I, um…" she started. He didn't smile at her stuttering, though. He didn't tease her like she had him only minutes before. Her pain was real, not the embarrassment of being called out for an R rated sex scene that had come from his imagination. "I realized it was never going to change. He was always going to come first: his job, his family, his friends. And everything I wanted was going to be negotiable. I didn't want to live the rest of my life like that. I loved him, still do to some extent, but I don't want a relationship where I always come second. I want to have someone who is there for me and I am there for them and we can just dive into it together."

He continued to stare at her, his eyes soft as she took in a final breath and forced herself to look at him. "Have dinner with me."

"Castle, I…" she shook her head slightly.

"Come on. Tonight, at the loft. My mother will be there, so will Alexis, probably. No strings, no commitments, just a friend coming over for dinner after being out of the country for a year. Please?"

Kate stared at him for a moment longer, her teeth chewing nervously on her lower lip before she nodded in assent. "Okay, but make sure it's all right with Alexis first."

Castle cocked his head to the side slightly. Alexis?

"Why…" he started.

"She's in my class, Castle. It might be kind of weird for her to be having dinner with her evil professor," Kate explained.

Castle's eyes grew wide. "Right. That's a little bit awkward. Have to keep that in mind for the future…"

It was Kate's turn to cock her head in question and Castle's eyes grew wider as he realized what his last statement had implied. "Not that, I mean, I'm not assuming that…"

He closed his eyes as Kate let out another small laugh, her mirth once again letting him off the hook. "Nice to know you are always so good with words, Castle."

"Yes, I know, best selling author. The irony."

Kate smiled at him, her eyes becoming softer as she stared across the table. He stared back, their eyes meeting in a quiet conversation, a feeling of contentment floating across the space.

"I'm glad you came back, Kate," he said softly.

Her smile brightened slightly, "I had no choice. I never really left in the first place. This is where I am supposed to be."

"Come on," she continued, pushing herself up from her seat. "You promised me dinner and if you don't feed me soon, I am going to devour that entire row of blueberry muffin in that case over there."

Castle glanced over his shoulder, where she was pointing, before glancing back at her, the mood significantly lighter than it had been seconds before. "That's a lot of muffins."

"I'm really hungry. I kind of forgot about lunch," she confessed as he threw both of their empty cups in the trashcan by the door.

"You need to stop doing that," he chastised as he held the door open for her.

"I couldn't help it," she defended back. "I was bombarded by panicking students all day. I didn't get a break."

"Uh-huh. I bet you just got caught up reading and forgot. "

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"I think the lady doth protest too much."

"So, how's my mother?"

"What? Why are you asking me about your mother?"

"Oh, I figured you would know better than me since you have been having weekly lunches with her and all."

"Well, I, um, I can explain."

"I can't wait to hear this."

Castle grew quiet as they walked side by side down the sidewalk, their elbows bumping every couple of steps.

"I'm waiting, Castle."

"I missed you, okay? And I was having trouble with Alexis and I wanted to call and ask your advice because you know, you're a girl and all and I figured you could tell me what to do, but you wanted space so I settled for the next best thing. I called your mother. It sort of turned into a thing."

Kate stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and Castle paused after a couple more steps, turning back to face her when he realized she was no longer at his side.

"Too much?" He winced slightly.

"No," she replied, smiling back at him, squinting slightly into the setting sun. "I think it's sweet."

Castle's face broke into a relieved grin. "Good. Sweet is good."

He waited while Kate took the last couple of steps to catch up with him, before turning to continue walking towards his loft.

"Of course," he continued, a slight mischievous glint playing in his eyes. "You may not think it's so sweet after hearing some of the stories your mother told me about you."

* * *

><p>Castle tapped a finger against the "f" button on his keyboard, a short row forming in the word document. He pressed down the delete button and watched as they all disappeared. It was Wednesday afternoon. He had talked to Kate a couple of times since he had confronted her in her office the Friday before but he was trying to give her the space she had asked for. So, now, five days later, he was sitting bored in his office, fidgeting for something to do.<p>

He tapped on the "f" key again, another short row showing up. He should be writing. He should be halfway finished with his latest novel by now, the second Jade Knight book. Instead, he was finished with one chapter. He let out a puff of air and finally sighed, picking up his phone, dialing her number.

He listened as it rang, opening lines streaming through his mind. 'Just wanted to say hi' 'how are you doing' 'tortured any co-eds lately'. It went to voicemail and he hung up.

He looked at the phone again. He should have left a message.

He sighed again, dropping the phone back down the desk before pushing himself out of his chair. He walked around his desk, to pace his office, his arms stretching over his head. He needed to do something. He needed to get out.

He needed to know.

Castle sighed again, shaking his head. No, it was a bad idea. A bad idea he had been pushing down for months.

_Nothing good will come of this. _The voice in the back of his mind scolded.

He puffed out his cheeks, his tongue clicking against the roof of his mouth. He tapped his hand against his sweatpants clad leg a couple of times before he reached for his phone again, dialing a number from a scrap of paper on his desk.

He held his breath and forced himself to look away from the postcard-covered map on his office wall as the phone rang in his ear.

"Esposito." The voice on the other end of the line answered after five rings.

"Detective Esposito, it's Rick Castle… yeah, man, I'm doing great. Look, I have a favor. I was wondering if I could get a peek at an old case file… yeah, I know, but I would owe you one, a big one. Yes, I could probably get Rangers tickets for you…. Thanks man. Yeah, it's a cold case from about thirteen years ago, the murders of a convict named Joe Pulgatti and a civil rights attorney named Joseph Anderson…"

Castle placed the phone back on his desk and stared at it for a moment before his eyes flickered back up to the map on the wall. Johanna's words from months before echoed through his head.

_You didn't see the level of terror in her eyes. It was like she just knew that something bad was going to happen… Some secrets are meant to be kept; I think this is one of them. _

He forced his eyes away.

"Forgive me, Kate," he said softly. "But I have to know."


	19. Chapter 18

Back to Where We Have Never Been 

A/N: I love writing Johanna. She is awesome. :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 18<span>

A travel coffee mug landed with a soft thud on Kate Beckett's desk and she raised her head from her stack of papers to find Richard Castle sitting quietly in the chair opposite her, contently sipping on his own cup of coffee.

"Grande, skim latte, two pumps sugar-free vanilla. Just how you like it," he stated calmly, in greeting.

"It's disturbing that you know my coffee order, you know," Kate greeted back before settling back in her chair and lifting the cup to her lips in silent thank you.

"Not disturbing, observant. We've been getting coffee together at least twice a week for a month, now, and every time you order the exact same thing. It would be disturbing if I didn't know your coffee order," Castle countered, a smirk playing over his lips.

Kate leaned forward to prop her elbows on her desk, her red pen fallen forgotten to the tome of paper in front of her. "It's not going to work, you know."

Castle looked back at her, a hand fluttering to his chest in feigned innocence. "Why Professor Beckett, I don't know what you are talking about."

"I am not allowing you to come and talk to my class," Kate stated with a firm shake of her head.

Castle took another sip of his drink, a smug grin covering his face, one eyebrow quirking teasingly. "That isn't what I was going to ask."

Kate leaned a little further forward, her mouth curving up in an open-mouthed grin, her tongue pressing against the roof of her mouth just behind her teeth causing his breath to hitch as her eyes twinkled at him.

They had been doing this for the past month, since he had shown up at her office and took her out for coffee and then coerced her back to his place for dinner. They had been going out for coffee or for lunch. More days than not, he would text her, show up at her office or call her at odd hours just to talk about random topics; conducting research he would call it. Asking her questions like which was the smelliest cheese and whether she preferred goose down or memory foam pillows. He had given her the first few days of space that she had asked for until he had gotten fed up and started just dropping in on her randomly. Annoying her into submission.

It had pissed her off to no end, but the look on her face when he had sat down in the back row of her Russian Lit class has been worth it. What could he say; payback was a bitch.

She had responded in kind, her hand brushing against his as they walked down the sidewalk, her fingers lingering on his thigh or his arm as he gestured at him to make a point or to gain his attention. Not that she ever had to try very hard to do that. He was constantly thinking about her, looking at her, or reaching out to touch her: simple thing, brushing her hair back out of her face, or placing his fingers on her back to guide her through a doorway. He would help her in and out of her coat just so he could feel the rounded form of her shoulders. And she knew it.

She would smile at him, lean up to kiss him on the cheek or give him a hug that lasted just a moment too long. They were acting like shy teenagers, testing the waters, inching further towards the deep end, the bottom giving out slowly under them and neither one of them cared. In fact, it was getting harder and harder not to dive in headfirst.

Castle hadn't heard anything back from Detective Esposito about the case file, and even though his interest was peaked and he could feel something brewing under the surface, he wasn't pressuring the other man. The voice in the back of his head was still yelling at him to be cautious. He was torn between his curiosity and the look of terror he could only imagine in Kate's eyes. The thought that he never wanted to see that look for himself was as powerful as his curious nature.

Kate was staring at him curiously from across the desk her cup dangling lazily between her fingers.

"You okay?" she questioned, her head quirked slightly to the side. "You were talking and then you just trailed off. That's not like you. Normally I have to threaten you to get you to shut up…"

"Go to dinner with me," he blurted out, interrupting her teasing rant. "Go on a date with me. Dinner, you might even be able to convince me to go dancing if you want. I know a terrific jazz club. I'll wear a tie, you wear a dress and those ridiculously high heels you are so fond of. I want to go out with you and I want to do it so that I can kiss you at the end of the night and maybe, if all goes really well, again in the morning."

She stared at him for a moment longer, her eyes blinking at him a couple of times as she swallowed and looked back down at her desk.

"I, um, I," she stuttered and Castle let out a shaky breath, bracing to push himself out of his chair.

"Rick, wait," she called as he turned towards the door, her arm stretched out towards him, a strong sense of déjà vu falling over both of them. "What about Alexis?"

Castle stared at her for a moment, his head cocked as he looked at her questioningly. "I don't think she would want to go on a date with us."

Kate let out a startled laugh and shook her head as she placed her coffee on the desk and made her way around to stand in front of him, blocking him from the closed door of her office.

"I mean, is she going to be okay with her dad dating her teacher?"

Castle shook his head. "You heard what she said before when we talked to her about the dinners and everything. She doesn't care as long as we are discrete and it doesn't affect her grade. You know that girl, God forbid she gets B because we are fighting. Not that you would ever do that, of course."

Kate let out a small laugh, her arms crossing over her chest as she bit her lip and stared up at him, her choice of flats making her a good five inches shorter than him. "Then, okay, fine. I'll go on a date with you."

"Such a romantic acceptance," Castle teased as he leaned towards her slightly causing Kate's breath hitched in her chest as she felt his lips glance over hers in a barely there kiss.

"You know me," she murmured. "I just have to be mushy about everything."

She swayed up slightly and his mouth drew up in smile as her grinning lips met his, her arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.

"I thought this was supposed to wait until after the date," he stated after the broke apart, his arms holding tightly around her body, pressing her firmly into him.

"Are you complaining? Because we can stop if you are," she questioned leaning in to nibble gently on his lower lip.

"No, not complaining," he countered. "Just getting it straight."

"Okay, good, but if it really is a problem we can always just call this practice."

"Practice is good," he mumbled, nodding slightly, as he bent down to kiss her again. "Practice makes perfect."

"Uh huh," she replied as their lips met and she melted into him once again, her tongue tracing along his lips in a request for entrance. His hands moved up, sneaking under her shirt and across the soft skin of her back.

There was a loud rap on the door and the pair jumped apart, breathing heavily as they stared at each other, attempting to determine what had just happened.

There was a second knock, slightly more impatient than the first, and Kate made quick work of straightening her clothes as Castle grabbed his coffee and headed towards the door.

"So, I'll pick you up at seven?" he asked and she nodded in agreement, eyes wide, as she reached out to push him the last couple of feet to the door, her mind still reeling, trying to figure out what had just happened.

"Yeah, seven is good," she finally replied and he nodded back at her.

"Seven. See you."

Castle turned towards the door, grasping the door knob as Kate reached up to brush a hand through her hair and run her other one over her mouth, wiping the remains of her smeared lip gloss from her skin. He pulled open the door a little too hard, and the young man on the other side jumped back in surprise.

"Sorry," he stuttered as he watched Castle breeze by him, looking back at Kate startled. "I just have a question about the midterm."

Kate let out a sigh and waved him in with a friendly smile. "Come on in Andrew. What's up?"

"Well, a group of us are getting together for a study group tonight and we had a couple of questions we were hoping you could clarify…"

Kate stared at the open doorway as Andrew rattled off the questions and she forced down the smile that had been threatening to spill over. He had actually asked her out on a date and she wasn't sure if she should be scared or excited.

It was true, she had told him she had wanted space, she had wanted time. But every time her hand would brush his or he would help slide her coat up her arms, lifting her hair gently away from her neck, she would feel that spark, that electric jolt that shot through her body like it had the first time they had met. Only now, more than a year later, it was growing stronger by the day, an almost unstoppable force coursing through her body, threatening to throw her forward.

Now, though, it was no longer threatening. The events of the past few minutes had proven her to be thrown. Hurtling through the air, faster than she could ever imagine. The thought of stopping kissing him, once she had started, had been painful. Pulling apart had been gut wrenching. A line from a movie she had once seen floated through her mind as she tried to focus on what Andrew was saying, bent over his notes.

"_What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?"_

"_It never happens. If there's a thing that can't be stopped, it's not possible for there to be something else which can't be moved, and vice versa."_

Kate hid her smile behind her coffee cup as she cleared her throat, in preparation to answer the list of questions form her student.

Her fear had been the immovable object, standing firmly in place as the force of Richard Castle and the spark of whatever had been happening between them came dashing towards her. And, by God, in that moment, she was completely elated to be the one that had been forced to move.

Her stomach fluttered once and then her eyes grew wide as Andrew stared at her questioningly across the desk.

"Professor Beckett, are you okay?" The young man asked as he leaned forward slightly.

She snapped back into reality with a questioning hum and a stuttered apology as she rubbed her forehead and settled in to answer his questions as he scribbled away at a sheet of paper. Her own question lingered in the back of her mind.

What was she going to wear?

* * *

><p>"Katie, will you please stop panicking," Johanna pleaded as she watched her daughter pull the last two remaining dressed out from her closet. "You have known this man for more than a year. He is completely head over heels in lo…"<p>

Kate whirled around to face her mother as Johanna clapped a hand over her own mouth. "What? What were you going to say?"

"Nothing," Johanna mumbled as she sat on Kate's bed, one leg curled under her, a glass of red wine held in her free hand. "Nothing. I was saying nothing."

Kate narrowed her eyes at her mother and turned back around to face her closet, hands on her hips as Johanna let out a sigh of relief that Kate had dropped the subject.

"I just meant that it doesn't matter what you wear, Rick will be swept off his feet," Johanna continued, raising her glass to her lips to take a sip of wine.

Kate let out a grunt as she tapped her foot in impatience; as if the motion would make the perfect dress magically appear in her closet.

"What about this one? You look beautiful in this one," Johanna asked, holding up a black dress from the bottom of the pile on the bed.

Kate glanced back at her before turning towards the few remaining articles of clothing hanging in front of her. "No, that's the one I wore last year when we went to that banquet."

Johanna let out a light laugh and Kate whirled around to look at her, her eyes narrowed in question. "What's so funny?"

"You. The fact that you remember the exact dress you wore on what you repeatedly stated was not a date more than a year ago. Face it, sweetheart, you have it just as bad as he does."

Kate scrunched her nose at her mother and mumbled under her breath as she made her way over to the bed, adjusting the towel wrapped around her body. "I really need to find some new friends. Ones that aren't related to me."

Johanna pushed herself off of the bed, a dress sliding to the ground with the motion and rounded her way towards the door, flicking her daughter's ear as she passed by. "Remember you said that in a minute."

"What? Where are you going?" Kate called after her as Johanna disappeared into the living room and Kate looked back at the pile on her bed with a pained groan.

"Here," Johanna stated from behind her, a moment later, when she returned to the room.

Kate turned to see her mother holding out a plastic garment bag. "Richard told me where he was taking you tonight and I thought this might be appropriate."

"Mom…" Kate started, her eyes wide in surprise. "You bought me a dress… that's… wait… Castle talked to you about me?"

Johanna huffed as Kate took the bag, and turned to snatch her glass of wine off of the table. "Yes, yes and stop being annoying and questioning everything. Just go try on the damn dress!"

Kate stared at her mother, slack-jawed and turned towards the bathroom without another word. Johanna Beckett had ordered and it was not her place to question why or how.

Kate let out a small gasp as she looked in the mirror and saw her reflection staring back at her. The dress was simple, jade green, and came down to just above her knees. It was not the cut of the dress or the simple pattern that made it extraordinary, it was the way it made her eyes shine that had her astounded. She couldn't help the grin that covered her face. Rick was always saying things about her eyes. Even if she did pretend like she was annoyed by them and rolled the aforementioned body part at him more than once in reply, she had to admit she was flattered. The color was just an added bonus.

She made quick word of fixing her hair, letting it fall in curls over her shoulders and touched up her make-up before exiting her bathroom with a quick twirl for her mother's benefit.

"Katie, you look gorgeous," Johanna gushed as Kate braced herself against her mother's shoulder and pulled on a pair of silver stiletto heels.

Johanna reached into the pocket of her slacks and pulled a small foil package out to hold in front of Kate's face causing her daughter to stumbled, her foot slipping and a heel snapping as she fell to the bed, her mother, standing as poised as ever, still holding the condom package out in front of her.

"Now, tell me, do you need protection?"


	20. Chapter 19

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: The movie quotes in the last chapter were from Imagine Me & You (Adorable movie, I highly recommend). Props to those of you who got that. ;)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 19<span>

Kate could feel the heat racing up her neck, coloring her cheeks as she stalked across the apartment, broken pair of heels in hand.

"Get out," she ordered as she held the door open, watching as Johanna leisurely waltzed past her, still holding the condom up, lazily between two fingers.

"I'm just trying to be helpful," Johanna countered and Kate let out a groan. "Don't call me up complaining tomorrow about how you all ran out and then you had to wait. I would just have to tell you I told you so and we both know how much you hate that."

Kate growled at her mother's teasing tone and snatched the condom out of her hand before giving her a light shove out the door followed by a quick 'I love you, now get out.'

She slouched back against the door, glancing at the broken shoes in her hand before tossing them to the side and letting out a puff of air. Her fingers shifted slightly, making the foil wrapped crinkle and her stomach fluttered at the sound, and the thought of sex and not just sex, sex with Rick. Then the flutter in her stomach started churning as panic rose up through her. She hadn't been with anyone in over a year and before then there had only been Mark for the seven years before that.

Eight years.

She let out a small whimper as her brain started to race into overdrive. How many women had Castle slept with in the last eight years? How many in the past year? Its not like she had wanted him to wait for her, like she hadn't expected him to date and see women while she was wandering the globe 'finding herself'. But the idea of him sleeping with anyone else still made her slightly nauseous.

What if she slept with him and then he never called again? What if this had all been a game? What if…

No.

She took in a deep breath and rubbed a hand through her hair. He wouldn't do that. He hadn't been meeting with her mother for months to have lunch and talk because he wanted to do that. Her mother's words echoed through her brain. "He's head over heels in lo…"

Kate groaned. She knew how that sentence ended even if she pretended she didn't, but she couldn't hear it from her mother first. She wanted to hear it from him, when he was ready, when they both were.

There was a firm knock on the door and Kate jumped, separating herself from the heavy wooden door as it vibrated behind her.

With a deep breath, in one swift motion, she whirled around and pulled the door open. She lifted her hand to wave when she found Rick standing in the hallway, bouquet of flowers in his hand, but pulled it back, hiding her fist behind her back with wide eyes when she realized the condom was still pressed against her palm.

She heard a soft snort and looked up, red-faced, to see Castle smiled down at her, his eyes twinkling with held-in laughter.

"What you got there?" He questioned teasingly and she rolled her eyes, taking a step back in silent invitation for him to enter.

"Proof that our mothers are never going to meet," she answered.

Castle replied with a knowing hum as he held the flowers out to her. "These are for you and you look gorgeous."

His voice was soft, gravely, and Kate bit her lip in response, the ever-present blush returning to her cheeks as she shifted her weight onto one foot shyly and looked him over.

He was wearing a black button down, tucked into a pair of black slacks, and covered in a black suit jacket. He was clean-shaven and his hair was freshly cut. She could tell because it wasn't falling in his eyes like it had been only hours before. The foil package crinkled behind her back and she seriously considered jumping him right there in her living room, with her front door standing wide open, for the whole world to see.

She could tell by the look in his eyes, the texture of his voice that he was feeling the same way she was.

"Thank you," she stuttered out instead, blushing slightly at her thoughts. What could she say? It had been a while. And after kissing him in her office that afternoon, she felt like she never wanted to stop. "You look very handsome, also."

She reached out and grasped the flowers from his outstretched hand before turning to place them in a vase from her kitchen. She would cut and arrange them later. With a quick 'excuse me' she made her way back to her bedroom and pulled a pair of black heels out from her closet, shoving her feet into them before dumping the contents of her, now useless, silver clutch into her black one, tossing the condom into the bag for good measure.

The last thing she needed was to hear her mother tell her 'I told you so' about something like this, especially if it was in front of her father.

He was standing in her living room when she returned, looking at the shelves of books that adorned her walls. He had been here before, but this time it was different. She leaned against the doorway for a minute, watching him as he pulled her copy of Checkmate off of the shelf. He pulled a pen out of his pocket, clicking it open as he used one finger to flip open the cover of the book, turning to the dedication page.

She smiled when she thought of the dedication. It was simple, two short sentences. A message for her alone, in answer to that question she had had her mother deliver to him months before.

_To the extraordinary KB. Yes, it is. _

She watched, with a quirked head and a soft smile, as he scribbled something on the page, quickly, and placed the book back perfectly on the shelf, adjusting it so it looked like it had never been touched. She waited a couple more seconds before she cleared her throat, announcing her presence. She didn't want him to know she had seen him. She would look at it later, when she was alone.

"You ready to go?" He asked, without skipping a beat and she nodded in affirmation. She was more than ready.

"That depends," she said with narrowed eyes as she led the way to the door, his hand resting gently against her back. "Where are you taking me?"

He leaned down the couple of inches to whisper in her ear and her toes curled as his warm breath blew past her ear and bathed her neck. "It's a surprise."

He brushed past her, his hand dragging across her stomach as he went and she froze, darkened eyes wide, mouth parted, as she reminded herself to breathe. It was going to be a long date.

Her eyes darted back to her bedroom door and down to the keys in her hand or it could be a very short one.

Castle chuckled behind her and she snapped out of her thoughts, pinning him with a small glare, pulled the door shut and locked it.

She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. At least, not for the next couple of hours.

* * *

><p>Castle closed his eyes as his breath hitched in his chest. It was his own fault. He had started it. Now, he was reaping the consequences.<p>

He bit back a whimper and forced himself to give the waiter his order as he felt Kate Beckett's toes inch their way up his leg, snaking under the hem of his pants, and working their way up towards his knee.

It was his own damn fault.

She smirked at him from across the table and he attempted to glare back. It was probably more of a lusty stare, but he had tried.

She smiled up at the waiter, eyes bright as she sat forward and handed him her menu, bouncing in her chair slightly as she ordered her meal of lobster and steak.

Was it bad that he found the fact that she ate full meals, and not just salad, a turn on?

Her toes tickled his shin. Nope, it wasn't bad. It was perfectly normal.

Anything Kate Beckett did was a turn on.

She turned to him as the waiter walked away and graced him with another smirk, eyes a dark grey instead of their normal green.

"You're evil," he croaked out and she laughed in reply, pulling back her leg.

He whimpered slightly at the loss of contact and she smiled as he leaned forward and grabbed her hand, his thumb brushing lightly over her wrist.

"I'm happy you said yes," he whispered over to her.

"Me too," she whispered back.

They fell into a long moment of silence. It wouldn't be classified as awkward but it wouldn't be called content either. It was a shaky middle ground, like them. Trying to find out exactly where they stood. The strangeness of being on a date after spending so much time testing the waters finally settling over them.

After a moment she leaned towards him, scooting her chair forward a couple of inches to lean closer to him, her long slender finger pointing slyly at a couple at a table across the room of the elegant restaurant.

"What about them?" She asked.

He glanced over, his sight following her gesture, before looking back at her, a small smile falling over his face. It was the same game they had played more than a year before at the charity dinner.

"Russian spies."

She shot him a look that said '_Really, you are going to go there?'_

"What? Not Russian spies? Well they obviously aren't Korean spies," he argued.

She shot him another look and bit her lip in an attempt not to laugh.

"Oh, I got it," he continued. "Exotic animal smugglers. You in need of a tiger? I bet they could get you one."

She burst out laughing at him. "Trafficking tigers? Really? Where do you come up with this stuff?"

Castle brought a finger up to tap on his temple. "Got it all stored right here, sweetheart."

She let out an exasperated laugh and turned her joined hand to flick his lightly. "You're incorrigible."

"What?" He asked. "You don't like sweetheart? What about darling, honey, baby, cupcake?"

She glared at him and he relented, leaning forward to point to another table while she bit her lip to start spinning her own tale about star-crossed lovers.

Someone came by to pour the wine and they fell back into their normal banter, any awkwardness fading as they fell into their own little world of stories and meaningful looks, slight touches. It wasn't hard to fall.

Actually, it was too easy.

* * *

><p>Their hands tangled as they walked down the sidewalk. She was leaning into his side, as he talked about his latest idea for a plot line, one that she had been changing constantly since dinner.<p>

Now, it was something about baby seals and Kate had to admit she was slightly lost, but she didn't care. She was laughing so hard that it didn't matter what the book was about. She would read it just for the absurdity of it.

"Wait, so Knight and Rook are rescuing a bunch of baby seals? Why exactly? And how?"

Castle stopped short and she bumped a little harder into his side. "I, um, I don't know…"

She looked over at him and burst out laughing again. "You're drunk."

His eyes swiveled down to meet hers. "I am not. I may be happily tipsy, but that's it. This is how my brain always works. You're the drunk one."

She rolled her eyes as his arm came around her back and pulled her into his front, pressing her firmly against him. "I am not drunk. I only had two glasses of wine."

"Good," he murmured as their eyes locked and his lips lowered to brush against hers. "Because now I don't feel bad about doing this. I wouldn't want to take advantage of you or anything."

"Oh, trust me," she countered, her smiling mouth brushing back against his. "You definitely wouldn't be taking advantage."

She pulled back after a couple of seconds, slowly dragging her hands down from where they had been resting against his shoulders and gripped his hand firmly, pulling him down the street in the opposite direction than they had been walking. "Come on."

"Wait. Where are we going?" He asked, happily following along behind her.

"Back to my place," she answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Castle dug his heels into the ground, halting their movement, causing her to stumble back into him. "Whoa, wait a minute."

She turned to give him a look that said, '_are you serious?'._ He held up a finger, turning back around.

"My place is closer," he explained and she laughed as she was pulled along behind him, bumping into his arm again.

"What about your mom and Alexis?" She asked, biting her lip and he growled down at her as he bent down to kiss her as they walked.

"Once again," he shot back. "I don't think they want to be involved."

"What? Eww, no," she flicked his arm. "I meant, aren't they home?"

Castle shook his head. "Nope. Mother has a show and then an after party."

He brought his fingers up to air quote "after party" with a shiver. "And Alexis is over at her friend's apartment for a study group. For your class, I believe. Thank you, by the way, for making them all freak out over your midterm. It has been fantastic to listen about for the past week."

He rolled his eyes and she let out a chuckle. "What can I say, I want them to learn. They won't do that if they can sleepwalk through my class."

He pulled her through the door to his apartment building, giving a small wave to the doorman and they managed to make it until the elevator doors closed around them before he had her pinned up against the wall, her leg wrapped around his knee as he kissed his way up her neck.

"Have a told you how amazing you look tonight?" He mumbled against her skin and she shivered in response.

"Uh huh," she breathed out as she pulled his head up so his lips could meet hers.

The elevator dinged and they stumbled out into the hall. He pulled away momentarily to unlock the door and she proceeded to pull his shirt out his pants, kissing his neck as he pushed the door open and they stumbled inside. He spun her around pinning her against the wall their lips meeting again, her leg coming up to hook over his hip as his hand worked its way up her skirt.

"Dad?"

They froze, faces still pressed together, eyes wide, breath labored. Her hands in the process of unbuttoning his forth button. One of his hands tangled in her hair, the other way to far up under her skirt to be considered proper for his daughter's eyes.

Kate's leg slid down off of his hip and slowly he pulled back to face his daughter as Kate hid her face in his shoulder.

"Alexis?" he asked, his voice an octave too high. "What are you doing here? You aren't supposed to be here."

Alexis stared at them, open mouthed, a bottle of water in one hand, the refrigerator door handle in the other. "A pipe burst in Becky's apartment…"

Kate groaned into Rick's shoulder. "This could not get more humiliating."

"Hey, Alexis?" A voice called from the stairs. "Becky said she would like a glass of wine as long as you're sure your dad wouldn't notice it's missing..."

Alexis's gaze jerked towards the stairs in time to see a boy descending, pausing as he saw her face and turned to look at the door where Rick and Kate still stood, her pressed between him and the wall.

"Oh, shit. Is that your dad and… Professor Beckett?"

Alexis hung her head as Castle glared over at her and Kate lifted her head to see Andrew, the boy who had been in her office only hours earlier, staring back at her, slack-jawed.

A moment later, two other girls came down the stairs and Kate groaned again as Castle took a step back, releasing her from the wall, finally getting over his shock.

"I think it just got more humiliating," he whispered and Kate let out a puff of air, running a hand through her hair, attempting to straighten it as Alexis continued to glare at them.

This was bad. Very bad.


	21. Chapter 20

Back to Where We Have Never Been 

A/N: As always, thank you for all of your kind words and support. It really is awesome to hear how much you are enjoying this story. That being said, here is chapter 20. Enjoy! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 20<span>

The next five seconds seemed to stretch on for five years as the group stood around staring at each other.

Castle's mind was blank and in overdrive at the same time. Kate, Alexis, co-eds, a line of liquor bottles on the counter, midterms, legs— Kate's legs. What did he say first? What did he say last? What did he ignore?

Kate inched towards the door, her hand running down his arm as she mumbled something about leaving. He caught her fingers as her other hand came to rest on the doorknob and her eyes darted up to meet his, silent questions passing between them.

He shot her a look. _Just go with it. Trust me._

Her head jerked in a barely visible nod as he turned to face the three students and his daughter.

"Wait," he started. He could do this. He could make this better. "You guys know each other?"

Andrew nodded slowly as Alexis opened her mouth with a confused look on her face. Castle shot her a look. _Don't blow this._

"Yes?" Andrew continued as Becky and the other girl, still nameless, stepped cautiously down the stairs to join the party. "She's our professor…"

Kate gripped his hand tighter.

"Alexis?" He continued. "I didn't know Kate was your teacher."

He turned to look at Kate and her eyes were wide. "I never put that together, did you?"

Kate shook her head at him, unblinking, finally finding her voice. "Nope. Should have though, last name and all."

Andrew held up a hand, the confusion etched on his features. "But weren't you are her office this morning… I could have sworn…"

Kate and Rick shook their heads in tandem.

"No."

"Don't know what you are talking about…"

"Rick wasn't at my office…"

"We just met tonight... ow!"

Castle turned to look at Kate who had just stomped on his foot. Okay, maybe it wasn't the best of ideas to make her sound like someone who just fell into bed with random men she had just met.

Alexis's eyes were still wide but a flash of relief covered her face. They were trying to save her from having to explain to her friends how she had known their Nazi of a professor for years and had dinner with her more often than not in her home with her family and had actually taken to calling her Kate.

Her shoulders relaxed as she shot them a small, grateful, smile.

"But I should be going…" Kate continued.

Kate's hand reached for the door again but she froze as the handle began to turn and was forced to take a step back as it flew open and Martha entered the room.

"Richard! What a surprise," the older woman greeted with a flourish. "I wasn't expecting you to be home so soon, especially since you were going out with… Oh, Katherine! So nice to see you. You look beautiful. I got a copy of that play you asked about the other night at dinner. Richard's has been going on all day about your date tonight. Alexis and I were ready to lock him in his office and duct tape him to his chair to get him to be quiet. We did that once before, you know… it was quite comical, just left him there all day. I think Alexis was fifteen at the time. We went shopping. Got home and he had managed to break himself out with the top of a soup can. What this man does in the name of research, but then again you know all about that..."

Martha turned from where she had been hanging her purse and coat in the closet and her voice trailed off as she took in the horrified looks on both of their faces. "What?"

Kate's eyes flickered over to the group of students and Martha's gaze followed as Alexis's face once again turned beet red. "Oh, you must be Alexis's friends from… oh."

The older woman looked back from the quartet of stunned co-eds to the pair of adults by the door as the actual situation in the room began to dawn on her. "Well, this is awkward."

Kate's shoulder's sagged as she slowly untangled her hand from Castle's grip. The whole group was watching as she padded into the kitchen, picked up the bottle of vodka from the counter and poured a glass, taking a giant sip before settling back against the counter. She glanced around. Six sets of eyes were on her and she let out a sigh and set down the cup. She ignored them for a second more as she opened the drawer on her left, the proverbial junk drawer, scrounged around for a second, pulled out a hair tie and pulled her hair up in a sloppy bun.

"What?" She finally questioned as the group continued to stare. "I'm human. Get over it. How about this? We ignore the alcohol if you completely forget this ever happened."

She swept up her glass and drained it before pushing herself off of the counter in one smooth motion. Walking back across the room, she grabbed Castle's hand and pulled him towards the front door as he stumbled along behind her, glancing back over his shoulder at his daughter.

"We'll talk about this later," he called out to her. "I would recommend sticking to water for the night, though."

"Where are we going?" He questioned as she picked up her clutch and pulled the door open.

"Back to my place. I have some things to explain to you about France," Kate answered and Alexis let out a pained groan from the kitchen causing Rick to laugh.

* * *

><p>Kate leaned against the door to her apartment with a sigh as she rested her head back. She slumped slightly as she kicked off her heels and dropped her clutch to the ground.<p>

"Are you okay?" Castle asked quietly as he looked at her from his spot standing across from her.

The cab ride has been quiet and awkward even with their hands clasped together and her leaning against his arm in support.

"My students and your daughter just saw me with your hand up my dress. I'm…" she let out a self-deprecating laugh, bringing a hand up to wipe down her face. "I don't know what I am."

Castle took a step towards her. "It will be fine. You're students may never be able to look you in the eye again but other than that it will be fine."

"They are going to tell the other students. It's hard enough gaining their respect normally, but now… and Alexis…" She let out a sigh as she looked at him, slumped against the door. "Not exactly how you were expecting this night to go is it?"

Castle shook his head and took another step forward so that he was standing directly in front of her, his hand up to cup her cheek. "Everything is going to be fine. Monday you will walk into that classroom and give them their midterm and make their lives hell, just like normal. And yes, there may be a couple of looks and giggles but you will just ignore them and keep going. You will be all right and I will talk to Alexis. She likes you, believe it or not. She'll be fine, also."

She nodded and responded with a watery smile. Taking in a deep breath she brought a hand up to cup his, which was still cradling her cheek, his thumb brushing lightly over her lips. She kissed it gently and he took a half step closer to her, sliding his leg between hers.

"Now," he murmured as he bent his head down, her body shivering in response to the tickle of his warm breath on her ear. "I believe you said something about French lessons?"

She grasped his hand as she led him across the room towards the bedroom, turning to face him as they stood at the foot of the bed. She looked up at him, her lip pulled between her teeth as he stared down at her with a sea of love in his eyes. One of her hands played with the second button of his shirt as the other snaked up around his neck and wound through the short hairs found there.

"I love you," she whispered as she gazed up at him, the words just tumbling from her lips before she could stop them. "I have for a long time."

His breath hitched in his chest and he brought his lips down to meet hers softly as he pressed a hand against the small of her back, pulling her body in to press against his. "I love you, too."

One hand slowly pulled down the zipper on the back of her dress, as the other ran down after it, warming the smooth skin with his touch. He kissed her neck gently and she let out a low groan as her fingers fumbled with his buttons.

"You still have that condom your mom gave you?" he whispered teasingly into her ear and she let out a growl of a laugh as his teeth tugged at her earlobe.

"Don't need it," she whispered back. "There's an entire box in the night stand."

* * *

><p>"Oh come on, it would be epic. Can you imagine their faces?" Castle argued as he bent down to place a kiss right below her belly button. "This would be the perfect time for me to guest lecture in your class."<p>

She let out a small laugh and he nipped at her navel as he kissed his way back up her stomach. "No way. No. You are never coming to speak in my class. All it will be is 'You're so handsome Mr. Castle.' 'Please sign my chest Mr. Castle.' 'Are you sleeping with our professor Mr. Castle?' Not going to happen."

He kissed that spot right behind her ear and she let out a soft moan, a knee coming up to cradle him against her. She lifted her head to kiss the slant of his neck and he let out a shaky groan. "Please? I need to see you work. It's…"

She pulled back slightly as his voice trailed off, a hand resting against this side of his head, thumb rubbing against the stubble forming on his cheek as her fingers splayed across his neck. "What's wrong Rick?"

He sighed and rolled off of her, falling to his back on the mattress as she rolled onto her side, propped her head up in one hand as the other reached down to pull the blanket up over them. "My next book is due in a matter of weeks and I haven't written anything."

She reached out a hand to run down his chest. "Why? You have so many ideas. You've had this entire past year to write. You've been doing so well lately…"

"No, it's because of you. I can only write when I am around you."

She took in a sharp breath as he continued on, "The entire time you were gone I couldn't write until I got a post card. Then I would sit down and write an entire chapter in the matter of hours. That's why I started the map, because it reminded me of you. You kept me going. It has always been because of you."

"You mean, you…" Her voice trailed off as her eyes grew wide. "You were in love with me back then?"

He glanced towards her, his eyes wide as he realized what he had just said and he nodded, not even trying to deny it. "I fell in love with you somewhere between the first time you pulled out that stupid red pen and the game of laser tag. That vest was really hot on you, by the way."

She ignored his attempt at humor and instead rolled over so that she was laying on top of him her hand trailing down his body as he gulped.

"What are you doing?" he stuttered out as her head fell to kiss her way down his neck and chest.

"Trying to give you some inspiration."

He let out a strangled groan as he bit his lip. "K."

* * *

><p>She awoke the next morning to the light streaming in through the window and the sound of computer keys clacking in the next room. He had commandeered her computer to write and the idea of it made her weirdly giddy. She smiled to herself as she stretched and continued to lie in bed, listening to him typing in the other room. She had no idea if he had even slept the night before. She glanced towards the window and pulled the purple comforter up to shield her body from the slight chill in the air. Fall was settling in and the weather was turning cooler by the day.<p>

A buzzing sound came from the floor and she rolled over to lie on her belly, a hand flopping down to search for the vibrating object. She fished the phone out of Rick's pants pocket and looked at the screen. She bit her lip, debating whether she should tell him, deciding against it as she continued to hear the clacking of keys. It buzzed again and she glanced at the number. It wasn't saved in his contacts. She shrugged. She could answer it and then go get him if it were important. She swiped her finger over the screen

"Hello?" she greeted as she held it up to her ear, flipping her hair to fall over her other shoulder.

"Um, yes, hi. I was looking for Richard Castle. Do I have the right number?" the voice on other end answered.

"Yes, sorry. He's busy at the moment. Can I take a message?" Kate asked reaching to the side table for a pen and an old receipt she could use for the note.

"Oh, sure, yeah." The man fumbled. "Just tell him that Detective Ryan called and we have the file he was asking about."

Kate paused. File? What file? "I'm sorry? What file?"

"Oh, um, the Pulgatti/Anderson case. We know it took a while but it was hard to track down…"

The man continued to talk through the speaker, something about meeting him and being quiet about it. They hadn't told their captain about it but Kate had stopped listening, the sound of her pounding heart and the blood rushing to her head drowning out any other noise.

She clicked the end button on the phone and continued to stare at it for long minutes as her brain tried to process what she had just heard.

The bed creaked and she felt him sit down beside her, her muscles tensing as his hand came to rest on her bare back. She froze as he leaned down to kiss her spine.

"Kate? What's wrong?" His voice filtered in somehow, through the deafening wall of white noise. "Did I get a call?"

Slowly, her head turned to look up at him, the phone falling limply from her fingers as he stared back at her rattling off questions about his mother and Alexis, asking her if they were okay. She was starting to worry him. Why wasn't she saying anything?

She stared up at him as the feeling of panic and anxiety gripped her heart in a way that she hadn't felt in thirteen years, not since she had stood in that alleyway, yanking on her mother's arm, begging her to leave.

Her voice finally came out in a strangled whisper.

"What did you do?"


	22. Chapter 21

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: Here is a short one for you to get you through my eleven hour work shift today. Yay. Ahem. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 21<span>

She stared at him from across the room, a robe tied tightly around her body, hair hanging in messy waves around her face, cascading down around her shoulders. If the situation were better he would have likened her to a Greek statue, after all her face did look like stone in that moment. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her middle and her eyes looked at a spot on the ground two inches over from his right foot as he faced her, trying to explain.

"Get out," she whispered.

"Kate, wait, please. Let me explain…" he took a step forward and her eyes shot up to meet his, a fire burning in them.

"Explain what? That you've been using me for fodder for your books? That you've been using my mom?" She took a step forward, her breath hitching as she attempted to keep her voice calm. "No, you don't get a chance to explain. You had no right to talk to her about that. You had no right to look into it. Now, get the hell out of my home. I never want to see you again."

"Kate, I wasn't…" he tried again, reaching a hand out to touch her arm.

Her hand shot up, slapping his away. "I said, get out!"

She stared at the wall behind him, her breath heaving in her chest, as he pulled on his pants and shirt, shoving his feet into his shoes and his socks in his pockets. He turned to say something else, try to defend himself one last time. Argue that he wasn't using her or Johanna, but the words died on his tongue as he saw her take in a shaky breath, attempting to swallow the tears that were pooling in her eyes.

He shuffled to the door, running a hand through his hair as she picked up his suit jacket and turned the knob, pausing momentarily to look back over his shoulder. "I really do love you."

The moment the door slammed shut she collapsed in on herself, the tears that she had managed to hold at bay all tumbling down at once as she pressed her face into her knees.

* * *

><p>Alexis looked up when she heard the key in the door of the loft. She glanced over at Andrew and took in a deep breath. The textbooks and novels were scattered on the dining room table between them. He had come over again to finish studying, and to back her up during the argument with her father. He glanced back and his hand shot out to grip hers as she held her breath, waiting for the look of disappointment and the inevitable lecture.<p>

Her face fell, confusion covering her features when he came through the door and slumped back against it, a hand running through his hair as he stayed there, staring across the apartment at nothing. He didn't see her. He didn't see anything.

"Dad?" She questioned softly, pushing herself out of her seat to stand in front of him. "What's wrong?"

He turned to look at her, sadness filling his eyes as he pushed himself off of the wall and staggered slightly across the room to his office, not answering her question, not even acknowledging her presence as he wandered, the door to his office slamming behind him.

Alexis turned to look at Andrew, the question reflected back in his eyes. Their heads swung around as the door to the office flew open and a copy of Checkmate came hurling out, slamming into the bookcase across the room before falling to the ground with a thump. The pair jumped and Alexis could feel the anger bubbling up inside of her.

Whatever was going on it was _her _fault. Kate's fault. Alexis had been able to tell from the beginning that it would end badly and she had actually given in for the past month, allowed herself to think that it would be possible for everything to work out. She shouldn't have been so stupid, so naïve. Her father shouldn't have been either.

Whatever had made her father so upset, it had been Kate Beckett's fault and Alexis was going to let her have it.

* * *

><p>Alexis sat in her seat Monday morning, steaming silently as she waited. The lecture hall was filling up fast, students huddled together in groups, mumbling to each other about certain topics, flipping through books to look up specific points. Some were sitting by themselves furiously highlighting in a last ditch effort to learn the material. Cramming.<p>

Andrew sat silently beside her, as she remained straight backed in her chair. She would sit here, take her test and then she would go to Beckett's office and let her have it. Kate had hurt her dad and someone had to tell her, had to make her pay for it. Alexis had to defend her family.

The door swung open and Alexis felt her resolve falter slightly, as Kate came in, a stack of papers in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. Her hair was pulled back in a sloppy bun, her outfit a fitted t-shirt, jeans and low-heeled boots. It was a far cry from the dress slacks and four-inch stilettos she normally was wearing. Alexis leaned forward in her seat slightly. Kate hadn't looked up at the class. Instead, she kept her head bent down. Her eyes darted up briefly, to look at the clock on the wall and Alexis could see the red rims around her eyes, the slight puffiness to her face. She glanced over at Andrew and she could tell that he saw it too.

"The test is thirty questions, multiple choice, short answer and one essay on the back. You have an hour. Raise your hands if you have any questions," Kate stated as she handed stacks of booklets to the students at the ends of the rows.

She turned back around and sat in the chair at the front of the room, her eyes staring out the window a hand pressed against her mouth as pencils started to scratch throughout the room. Alexis stared at her until her test landed on the desk in front of her. She hesitated for a moment longer, her pencil held limply in her hand as she watched Kate's hand dart up to brush over one of her eyes and take in a deep breath, attempting to school her features. Alexis bent her head over her test as Kate pulled out her phone and typed a quick text message. A few minutes later a TA came into the room and Kate rose from her desk. She exchanged a few words with the doctoral student, one that Alexis recognized as a regular in their class, and Kate gathered up her belongings and left the room. The TA took her spot at the front desk and gave a boy a cheerful smile as he came up to ask a question.

Alexis shook her head as she bent back over her exam, questions racing through her mind as she scribbled furiously on the page. The quicker she got finished in here, the quicker she could get questions answered out there.

* * *

><p>"Professor Beckett?" Alexis knocked on the cracked door to the office quietly. Andrew was still at her side, shifting slightly awkwardly from side to side.<p>

"Come in," the voice called from the other side and Alexis poked her head through the crack in the door. Kate was bent over the desk, her focus intent on the stack exams she was grading.

Alexis opened the door quietly and entered the room, dropping into a chair silently as she waited to be acknowledged. Andrew settled into the seat beside her and his fingers brushed over hers, gripping them in support.

Kate glanced up and did a slight double take when she saw the red head sitting there.

"Alexis, hi," she began. "Is everything okay, you look worried?"

Alexis nodded her head slowly as she tried to figure out the words that she wanted to say. She had had a plan when she came to campus that morning. She had come up with a different plan as she sat with a coffee cup after the mid-term, Andrew perched at the small table across from her at the campus coffee shop. She was going to find out what was going on and give Kate a piece of her mind about hurting her father. Now, sitting her, she felt herself be at a loss for words.

"I, um," Alexis stumbled and Kate looked up at her again, her pen pausing over the page and she set it down gently, turning her entire focus to the girl. "My dad, he…"

Alexis's voice trailed off as her gaze darted around the room and Kate's eyes softened slightly.

"What happened between you and my dad?" Alexis finally forced out, her gaze shifting over to lock with Kate's.

Kate shifted slightly in her chair, her hand coming up to rub her forehead. "It, um, that's between your father and myself but don't worry none of it will affect you, I promise."

Alexis shook her head slightly. "I know. I'm not worried about that. What I meant is that my dad hasn't left his office in days other than to eat. I don't think he had even slept and clearly you are miserable also. I don't know what happened and I understand if you don't want to tell me, but you should talk to each other. My dad, he hasn't been this happy in a long time. When he met you something sparked inside of him, something that I'm not sure I ever saw before. Even when you were gone there was a hope in him, a spring in his step that I hadn't seen before. Every time he would get one of the post cards, he wouldn't stop grinning for days. So, I don't know what he did or what you did, but I do know that he loves you and I am pretty sure that you love him too. So, please, just try to work it out."

Kate ducked her head to look at her desk, taking in a shaky breath before lifting her eyes to give the girl a watery smile and a slight nod. Her eyes darted from Alexis's down to the joined hands hanging between the chairs and she lifted an eyebrow as her gaze lifted back to meet the girl's.

A blush covered Alexis's cheeks and Kate smiled at the girl's obvious embarrassment over something that she should not at all be embarrassed about.

"Get out of here," she said quietly with a small smile and a nod at the door. "Enjoy the rest of the day, you deserve it. Don't worry about me and your dad, we'll figure something out. After I make him pay for a little while at least."

Alexis gave her a small smile before pushing herself out of her chair and walking over to give Kate a tight hug. Kate let out a startled laugh and wrapped her arms around the girl in return.

"I should have known he was the one that screwed up," Alexis said lightly as she let go, and took a step back, picking her backpack up off of the floor. "Men can't do anything right."

Kat let out another light laugh as Andrew gave an indignant huff followed by a "hey."

* * *

><p>Kate watched as Alexis and Andrew made their way out into the hall and slumped back into her seat as the door clicked shut behind them. She could feel the tears well in her eyes again and took a deep breath to push them back down. She would not do this again. She would not cry anymore. She had been crying all weekend and it was starting to annoy the crap out of her.<p>

Scenarios had been whirling through her brain, each one worse than the other. Rick pumping her mother for information as they sat at lunch together, her mother lying in that alleyway because they had poked around in the case again, Rick lying dead because he read over the case file and saw something that no one else had. If some one asked her pointblank where this irrational fear came from she wouldn't be able to tell them, she couldn't explain it. It was just a feeling deep down inside of her that begged her to stop, to back away. It screamed at her that nothing good could come of this. She had never been one to believe in ghosts, visions, premonitions or anything of that sort but she couldn't deny that she got the proverbial heebie-jeebies whenever she thought about that night in the alley. She hadn't even returned to that part of town in thirteen years.

Did she honestly mean what she said in her apartment two days before; that he had been using her and her mother? No. Johanna would have seen that, she would have seen it. Neither one of them were idiots, they could read people. They knew when people were lying just by the look in their eyes. That's one of the things that had made her mother such a great lawyer. But did she think that this was too dangerous to be poking around in? Yes. Unequivocally. Was she angry with him for doing just that? Hell yes. Was she going to give in and forgive him that easily? Hell no.

He had to understand why it was bad, why he had to do this for her.

Kate had spent too much of her life in a relationship that put her second, she wasn't going to let herself be walked all over again. It didn't matter how much he loved her or how much she loved him. She wasn't going to her herself fall victim to that again.


	23. Chapter 22

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: Thank you to all of you who have been reading this, for your continuing support and enthusiasm. You really are amazing. To those of you who are just catching up, thank you for taking your time to plow through this. I would say that I am amazed that some of you have read this in a day but I have totally done the same thing with stories so I know it can be done. lol. I am just humbled that you think my story is good enough to warrant it.

Anyway, here is chapter 22. Enjoy! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 22<span>

Monday night Alexis knocked on the door to her father's office. The sound reverberating from her fist beating against the wood was much stronger than her courage. When she didn't get an answer she pushed open the door slowly to find her father sitting in his chair, hair sticking up in every direction, tumbler of scotch by his side and laptop sitting in his lap. He was typing furiously, pausing every couple of seconds to curse and pound the delete button.

"Dad?" She asked quietly.

Castle grunted in reply, his eyes never looking up.

"Dad? Are you okay?" She tried again, taking a hesitant step into the room.

"Oh, yeah, fine," he mumbled but still didn't look up.

She let out an exasperated sigh and straightened up, walking into the room until she was standing directly in front of him. She bent down, picked up the laptop and placed it on the desk, turning back to her father with her hands on her hips.

"Hey! What? Alexis, why would you…" He stuttered, eyes wide, fingers still in typing position.

"Get your ass out of that chair and go talk to her!" Alexis ordered. "But take a shower first because you stink!"

With that the girl whirled around and stomped out of the office, the door slamming shut behind her.

* * *

><p>On Tuesday, she waited for her father to make a move.<p>

* * *

><p>On Wednesday she got tired and decided to bring in reinforcements.<p>

Alexis looked again at the piece of paper in her hand before pulling open the large glass door of the office building. It was heavy, and people in suits were bustling in and out around her. A man on a cell phone glared at her, looking over her jeans and Columbia t-shirt with distain. She glared back, a fire in her blue eyes. She made her way past the front desk with a nod at security and stopped in front of the directory, tracing a finger down the listing until she found the right name.

Fifteenth floor.

She crowded her way into the elevator, wedging herself awkwardly between a man texting furiously on his cell phone held and a woman alternately talking on hers and attempting to put on lipstick with a small compact mirror held at a precarious angle.

She shook her head. She was never becoming a lawyer. It was too stressful just watching them. She couldn't imagine actually being one.

She knocked on the door softly as she shifted from side to side; her leather backpack slung over one shoulder.

"Come in," the woman on the other side called and Alexis paused at the similarity.

She pushed the door open slowly and stuck her head in. The woman's eyes darted up to see her. Her hair was peppered grey and brown, her eyes bright green. Except for the thirty-year age difference and a couple of inches in height they could be twins.

"Can I help you?" She asked putting her pen down and flipping closed the file she had been writing in.

Alexis steeled up her courage and took a step into the office, reaching out her hand in greeting. "Mrs. Beckett? I'm Alexis Castle, Rick's daughter. We need to talk."

* * *

><p>Wednesday evening there was an insistent pounding on Castle's front door, one he was forced to stumble out of his office to answer since no one else was home.<p>

He swung the door open without bothering to look through the peephole first and was greeted with the whirlwind that was Johanna Beckett.

"Sit down," she ordered the moment she stepped through the doorway and Rick immediately led her to the couch, plopping down without a sound as she perched primly on one of the armchairs. "What did you do?"

His eyes grew wide as he straightened up to argue, defend himself. To tell her that it wasn't his fault. He did nothing wrong, but he deflated with a sigh. Melting into the cushion, a hand coming up to run through his greasy hair.

When he didn't answer, Johanna continued. "I know it had to be something bad, because my source tells me, while you have been holed up here, drinking, throwing things and writing, Kate has been crying. And my daughter doesn't cry. She gets angry, she gets silent, she throws a fit but she rarely cries. Whatever you did must have been bad for that to happen."

Rick sighed again, running his hand down his face, scratching at his four-day-old beard. "I had a friend pull that case file that you told me about. The Pulgatti/Anderson case? She found out and went ballistic. I don't even really know what happened."

Johanna sighed and slumped back in her chair. "Why the hell would you do that, Rick?"

Castle's head shot up, the question evident in his eyes. _What was the big deal?_

"I don't understand why it's so bad? It's a cold case, right? Thirteen years is a long time."

Johanna shook her head. "To you maybe, but to someone who wants to keep something buried, thirteen years is a drop in the bucket."

She leaned forward, her hands clasped together, elbows resting on her knees. "I didn't tell you everything."

She paused again, taking in a sigh as she ran a hand around her neck, needing the tight muscles on the sides. "I received threats because of that case. Before he died Pulgatti told me who he thought was involved. Dirty cops. Trust me, Rick, this is something you don't want to even get close to. She's upset because she's scared you're going to end up dead and you know what, it's not an irrational fear. Like I said before, some things are meant to stay buried. Let this one lie."

He nodded his head gently as she leaned forward and patted his knee. "You're a good man and you love my daughter. I know that. Just try not to screw it up anymore, okay?"

He let out a startled laugh. "I'm trying, I promise."

"Yes, I know. She's a spitfire, always has been. Just be patient with her, she has a tendency to yell first and think later."

Rick nodded again as Johanna pushed herself out of her chair and made her way back towards the door, pausing to turn around as Rick continued to talk, walking up behind her. "I never used you for my books. I just wanted to let you know, you or Kate. I didn't want you to think that's why I like talking with you."

"Oh, I know." Johanna nodded her head. "Your daughter is lovely by the way. You raised her well."

She paused in the doorway, turning around once again with a raised finger. "One more thing. I'm going to go talk to my mule of a daughter, now. Before you speak to her, I would recommend you take a shower. I didn't believe her when she told me, but Alexis was right. You really do smell."

Castle let out a chuckle as he nodded at the older woman. "Yes, ma'am."

"And, Richard, don't call me ma'am. It makes me feel old."

Castle closed the door as Johanna made her way down the hall and turned back towards his room, stripping off his robe and shirt as he made his way towards the shower. He shook his head. He really did have his hands full with the Beckett women.

* * *

><p>Johanna looked her daughter up and down as she sat on a stool at the kitchen island: a pint of ice cream in one hand, a large spoon in the other. There was a half empty bottle of wine on the counter beside her.<p>

"Well aren't you a walking cliché," Johanna quipped as she pulled out her own glass and set about pouring herself a liberal amount of wine.

"Well, technically, I'm sitting," Kate retorted.

Johanna shot her a look and Kate rolled her eyes. "I hear your date didn't go well."

Kate groaned as she stuck the spoon back into her tub of ice cream and set the entire container on the counter top, bringing her hands up to run through her hair.

"The date itself went fine. Very fine actually. Better than fine…" her voice trailed off as a small smile flickered across her face. She shook her head suddenly, returning to reality. She let out a sigh. "It was the call he got in the morning that was the problem."

"The case," Johanna sighed.

Kate's head snapped up to look at her mother, betrayal etched on her face. "You knew?"

Johanna shook her head, her hand reaching out to grasp Kate's. "No, sweetie. I didn't know he would try to get the case file. I did tell him about the case though."

"He shouldn't have done it. He should have just left it alone. He…" Kate's voice trailed off again and she took a sip of wine in an attempt to calm her nerves.

"He didn't know, Katie. I only told him the basics, I didn't tell him about the threats and how Pulgatti told me that there were dirty cops involved before I handed off the case. He didn't know how dangerous it was. He wasn't trying to be malicious or calculating, he's just curious and he made a mistake."

Johanna paused and sighed, debating her next words before deciding to dive in. Subtlety was not the best tactic with her daughter. "Rick isn't Mark. He doesn't do everything with a plan. He doesn't manipulate people. He wasn't trying to use you; he made a mistake."

They sat in silence for another minute, Kate jabbing the spoon repeatedly into the ice cream, Johanna sipping on her wine, watching her daughter.

"So," Johanna prompted. "What are you going to do?"

Kate snorted. "I was considering a convent or lesbianism. Probably the latter, I don't think I could handle being a nun."

Johanna let out a small laugh. "Well my friend Julie's daughter, Beth, is available. She's a doctor, pretty girl, has a motorcycle also. I could give you her number."

Kate couldn't contain the startled laugh that bubbled out of her as she leaned over and bumped her mother's shoulder with her own, swaying to the side slightly before she leaned back over and rested her head on her mother's shoulder. "I love you."

Johanna let out a content sigh and rested her head on top of her daughter's. "I love you too, Katie."

"So, you want Beth's number?"

Kate laughed again, sitting back up so that she could look at her mother, shaking her head. "No, not yet. I'll let you know, though."

Johanna pushed herself off of her stool and leaned over to give Kate a kiss on her head. "Just hear him out, Katie."

Kate nodded as she stood also, walking her mother to the door.

The door clicked shut softly and she leaned back against it as she stared at her empty apartment. Her eyes drifted across the random pieces of furniture and artwork she had collected: the overstuffed couch and the distressed coffee table. Her gaze landed on the bookshelf and she pushed herself off of the wall as she slowly padded her way across the room, her hand reaching out to pull the book off of the shelf before she could stop herself.

She flipped it open slowly, running her hand over the cover as she smoothed it back, flipping he first inside page gently, followed by the second. It was already creased, broke in from where she had read it, but she still wanted to be careful. Her finger traced along the simply written, yet oh, so complicated words of the dedication.

Her eyes flickered down to the words he had scribbled days before.

But it wasn't words; it was only one.

_Always._

Simple. Complicated. Just like them.

* * *

><p>Kate's head was bent over her desk Thursday morning. There was a small black zip drive set on her desk beside her that kept drawing her attention. It held the files he had saved on her computer days before, chapters of his latest novel that he had written while she slept. She hadn't read them. It wasn't her place. Not yet, anyway. But she could bring them to him as a peace offering. That was her plan. She would head over to his place after work, give him the drive, allow him the chance to tell her his side of the story and offer her apology for jumping to conclusions. It had been late when her mother had left the night before and she had wanted a chance to get her thoughts in order before facing him anyway.<p>

She nodded to herself as she replayed the plan in her head. That would work. She could do that.

She tapped the end of her pen against the top of the wood desk a few times as she stared out the small window, her chin propped in her hand. Now, she just had to make it through the rest of her day. Fortunately, she didn't have any classes on Thursdays so she just had to make it through the rest of the tests and papers she had to grade. Fun. She let out another sigh. The midterms from her Comparative Lit class had been less than stellar. There had been a few A's, and more than enough B's and Cs to make the bell curve, but she had been hoping for better. They were all smart kids. They had gotten into Columbia after all.

With a sigh she went back to grading, her red pen making marks on the pages with more enthusiasm than she felt.

A knock on her door startled her and she called for the person to come in, distracted as she attempted to decipher the sentence on the page in front of her.

"Kate," a voice called and Kate's head shot up, remembering that someone was there.

"Oh, hey, Rebecca. Sorry, what's up?" Kate put down her pen, lifting her coffee cup to her lips as she gestured for her colleague to sit in one of the visitor chairs on the other side of her desk.

Rebecca nodded in greeting as she sat, smoothing her skirt down before lifting her clasped hands to rest on top of the desk.

"Kate, we have a problem," Rebecca started. "A couple of students came to talk to me and the dean yesterday about the midterm."

Kate's jaw dropped open as she listened to the other woman talk, laying out the situation for her.

* * *

><p>Kate's hand knocked stiffly on the door. It felt like it weighed a hundred pounds as she forced the repetitive motion. The small thumb drive was grasped in her other hand, her briefcase slung over her shoulder.<p>

Her hand was still raised when the door swung open and her gaze snapped up when the greeting, which sounded like it was coming through a tunnel, made it's way to her ear.

"Kate, hi, I am so glad you're here. I was going to call you later tonight. Come in."

She didn't move and a hand clasped on her shoulder causing her to jump.

"Castle?" She started, glancing around, trying to figure out where she was.

"Yeah, " he responded slowly. "You are at my apartment, so it's kind of logical that I would be here. Kate? What's wrong?"

She took a slow step forward, dropping her briefcase on the ground as she held out the drive to him, pushing it into his palm. "I brought you your chapters."

He looked down at the small piece of computer equipment before looking back up at her, watching her make her way across the apartment to the kitchen, searching the cabinets for a wine glass.

"I, um, I wanted to apologize for what I did. I called Ryan back, told him to forget about the file. I wasn't trying to hurt you…" he started and she held up a hand, waving him off.

"Don't worry about it. I don't care. You didn't know."

He stopped in his tracks, watching her curiously as she emptied the remaining contents of a bottle of merlot into a glass and took a long sip. His eyes drifted to the clock. It was two in the afternoon.

"Kate? What's going on? Why aren't you at work?"

She let out a startled laugh, bringing a hand up to run through her hair. "I'm not at work because I am up for review."

She pushed herself off of the counter, wine glass cradled in one hand, the other gesturing out in front of her wildly.

"Rebecca came to see me today, it turns out that the other two girls who were here the other night, Becky and Amanda? Well, they told some of their friends what happened. Overall, not a big deal, except for the fact that Becky, Amanda, Andrew and Alexis were four of the few who actually got A's on the exam. The other girls, who were not too happy with their C and D, went to the dean and told them that I gave Alexis and her friends the answers to the exam in exchange for their silence the other night. So, now, I am looking at getting fired and I have no way of fighting it."

She let out a small disbelieving laugh and Castle took a set towards her, placing a gentle hand on her arm. "I can go and tell them what happened. Alexis, Andrew— they would back you up."

Kate shook her head. "It doesn't matter. No one would believe them. They would think they are covering for me in order to protect themselves. I didn't do anything wrong, Rick, and I'm screwed."

He let out a deep sigh and pulled the wine glass out of her hand, placing it on the counter so he could pull her into his arms, holding her tightly as she wound her arms around his middle and buried her face in his neck.

"It's okay," he whispered gently. "It's going to be okay."


	24. Chapter 23

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: So this chapter kind of came out of nowhere, so let me know what you think. :)

Thank you as always for your continuing support and readership (if that's a word). You all are awesome! :)

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><p><span>Chapter 23<span>

Castle's fingers paused over the keys of his laptop as he momentarily got caught up watching her lying on the leather loveseat in his office. She was staring up at the ceiling, her head resting on one arm of the small sofa and her feet propped up on the other, ankles crossed. She lobbed the hacky sack straight up into the air one more time and held up a hand to catch it as it fell back down towards her. She let out a small sigh as she tossed it back and forth between her hands for a moment before throwing it up in the air again.

Kate had been quiet ever since she had pulled out of the hug earlier and had softly told him to go write with a small pat to his chest and a kiss to his neck. She was okay. She was going to be fine. She would just stay for a little while.

That had been three hours before.

There was a bottle of water on the floor beside her, within arms reach and her shoes has been kicked off somewhere near the loft's door. Castle pressed a combination of buttons on his laptop and the printer whirred to life, adding to the beat of the radio playing softly in the background. She had been alone in her own head for long enough. It was time for a distraction from the torrent of thoughts that were bound to be found in there. After a couple of minutes he pulled the stack of papers out of the tray, silently priding himself on the decision to get a laser printer. It was so much faster.

He padded his way across the office, his bare feet sinking into the plush carpet. He reached down he approached the loveseat and gently lifted her feet from the arm, sliding under them. He wiggled his butt a little from side to side to get comfortable in the coot leather seat. He squeezed her foot gently in greeting and found her staring at him with a small questioning smile on her face when he looked over at her.

"Hey," he started softly as she stared up at him, one of her hands curled up by her head, playing with a couple strands of her hair, rolling them between her fingers. She tilted her head and sighed into her knuckles.

"Hey," she replied finally, looking back towards him, matching his tone.

"I have something for you." He tilted the stack of papers towards her. "You want to read it?"

Her lips lifted slightly as she raised her head off of the cushioned arm and bit into the side of her bottom lip. Intrigued, questioning Kate look number one. He let out a small chuckle at her look of hesitation paired with the curious glint in her eyes.

"Oh, come on, Beckett," he chided teasingly. "You know you want to."

He shifted in his seat, pulling his feet up. He swung one leg across her hips so that he was straddling her belly; leaning back on his heals to support himself. "It's a rough draft of the next Jade Knight book, Re-U-Knighted. You can mark all over it if you want. I even have a red pen."

He held the pages up before of her, tilting them from side to side, making them dance in front of her face.

Her stomach shook slightly and a hand came up to cover her mouth as she let out a small laugh. "You're not seriously calling it that."

He stopped still, his face falling as he stared down at her. "You don't like it? But Rook and Knight are back together again after being torn apart for a year. Their lives and their love tattered and torn. Their hearts are in shambles until they are brought back together again by chance. Reunited and healed by the sheer force of their eternal and boundless love for each other."

Kate's face started to turn red as she clasped the hand tighter over her mouth and her brow creased as the quivering of her stomach strengthened. Finally, she gave in and let out a bark of laughter, slapping her hand down on the cushion beside her.

"That…" she gasped in between laughs, "Is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard."

Castle let out an indignant huff and pushed back, attempting to swing his leg off of the couch when her arms shot out and grabbed his butt, pulling him off balance and making him fall forward on top of her.

"Kate!" He yelped as he landed with his arms braced on either side of her face and his nose inches from hers.

Her laughter subsided and she lifted her head and brushed her lips against the skin of his neck, her whispered words melting into his skin. He felt his heart swell.

"Thank you."

"For what?" He whispered back into her hair.

"For being here, with me."

"Always." He nodded down at her. "So, what's going to happen now?"

It was the question that had been on his mind since she had arrived. The one he had been putting off until the initial storm blew over.

She let out a sigh as she brought a hand up to wipe over her face. "Now, my classes tomorrow are cancelled and once Monday rolls around I will have a faculty shadow in all of my classes. They will write the exams and I won't be able to see them, give them out or grade them. Once grades come out I will either be dismissed from my position or cleared, given a "heartfelt apology" and those girls will be up in front of the disciplinary committee. The question is always going to be there, though. That seed of doubt is planted and my suitability for tenure is going to questioned."

She tilted her head back to look, upside down, out of the large window, gazing at the building across the street. Her chest rose and fell with a sigh and she pulled her head up to look at him. Her eyes focused on his, a hand coming up to run down the side of his face. The day-old stubble scratched her fingers.

Slowly, her arms came up to wrap around him and he lowered himself gently to rest on top of her, as she snuggled her face into his neck and brought up a knee to rest against his hip. He relaxed into her as he listened to her breath into him, her warm breath caressing his skin. There was no hitch, no hint of tears; just strong, steady breathes.

"I love you," she whispered.

_Kate has been crying. And my daughter doesn't cry. She gets angry, she gets silent, she throws a fit but she rarely cries. _

Castle could feel an ache in his chest swell.

"I love you, too. I'm sorry I made you cry," he whispered back, his lips pressed against her temple.

She shook her head slightly, an acknowledgement and a dismissal of his words. She didn't speak as they laid there on the too small loveseat, his head resting in the crook of her neck, her fingers winding through his hair, twisting the short strands around her fingers.

"What's the book about?" She finally asked as her hands ran down the sides of his neck and pushed him up gently, so she could look at his face.

He braced himself back on his arms so that he could brush his lips gently over hers. A ghost of a kiss. Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips and she pulled the bottom one in between her teeth as she smiled up at him. The problems of the outside world temporarily forgotten as they sat in their own little bubble of a world they had built.

He leaned down to nibble on her ear. "An illegal, exotic pet trade."

Her grin grew against his cheek. "Seriously?"

"Mm hmm."

"Okay," she patted his back with a hand. "Get up. I have reading to do."

He pushed himself off of the couch as she rolled over to grab the pages, which had fallen to the floor beside her when she had pulled Castle down.

"I see how it is," he huffed as he straightened his shirt. "You only love me for my writing."

"That's exactly it," She agreed as she rolled back over on her back, scooting herself up so that she was propped up against the arm. The same position she had favored more than a year before. "Geez, how much have you written?"

She held up the stack of papers and he glance down with a shrug. "I don't know, about a hundred fifty pages or so."

"In six days?" She exclaimed, her jaw hanging open as she stared up at him.

"What can I say," he replied as he leaned down for a kiss, bracing himself on the leather arm behind he her back for leverage. "You inspire me whether we are fighting or not."

Her mouth curved up into a wide smile and she wrapped a hand around his neck, tugging him down for a deeper kiss, her tongue licking gently at the seam of his lips. His lips parted and he moaned as he leaned back over her, lowering himself back down to lay on tops of her as her hands wove themselves back through his hair, the half finished rough draft sandwiched between them.

The front door of the apartment slammed and Castle let out a groan as Kate laughed against his lips.

"Dad, I'm home," Alexis called and Castle buried his head in Kate's shoulder.

"I knew it was a bad idea for her not to go to the dorms," he grumbled as he pushed himself up for the second time in five minutes, only to leverage himself down in a push-up to brush another kiss over her lips.

She brushed up a hand to swipe at his shoulder. "Oh, don't even. You know she would have been in her own place in a flash if you hadn't begged her to stay. Now go before we're caught like this. Again."

He let out a growl as he swung his feet to the floor and ran a hand through his hair. Walking towards the door he paused. "But make-up sex later, right?"

She pinned him with a slight leer, her tongue pushed up against the back of her teeth as she smiled up at him and he scampered out of the office with a gulp and a whimper.

"Dad!" Alexis greeted as he made his way across the living room towards the kitchen where Alexis was pulling left over pizza out of the fridge. Andrew was perched on one of the stools around the island. "We heard about Dr. Beckett. We were called into the Dean's office today. They questioned each of us for like an hour. Have you heard from her? What happened? Is she okay?"

Castle nodded as he rounded the island and snaked an arm around his daughter for a quick hug, sending a nod in Andrew's direction. "She's fine. Upset but fine. She's in the office."

Alexis pulled back to look up at him. "So you two made up?"

He nodded his confirmation and Alexis let out a sigh of relief. "Good. For two smart people you sure can be idiots some times."

Castle let out a chuckle and mussed her ponytail as she made her way back to one of the stools, two napkins of cold pizza and two glasses of water.

Castle jumped slightly when he felt a hand brush against his back and he turned to see Kate heading towards the door.

"Where you going?" He called after her.

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she glanced over at him, one foot stepping into an impossibly high heel. "I'm going to head home."

Her eyes flickered over to Alexis and Andrew momentarily before she turned her attention back to him, an apologetic smile flickering across her face.

He turned to look at his daughter before turning back to her, the question evident in his eyes. "Alexis doesn't mind that you're here, I promise."

"Oh, no," she countered as she used a finger to pry on her other shoe and squatted down to pick up her briefcase. "It's not that. It's just that with the review, I have been advised to stay away from students without another member of faculty present. So, I am going to head out."

She glanced up to look at all three faces, a tight lip smile on her face, before ducking her head back down and turning towards the door.

She made her way into the hall and her hand was reaching towards the elevator button when he caught her by the elbow.

"Kate, wait. You're next class isn't until Monday, right?"

She nodded, turning to lean back against the wall beside the elevator doors, her arms crossed loosely over her chest as she shrugged; the weight of the day's events starting to settle back over her. "Yeah, why?"

"Come away with me."

She let out a startled laugh and he took a step closer to her, a child-like grin crossing his face. "What?"

"You like to travel. I haven't been out of the city in, only God knows, how long, except for book tours. Let's just go. Three days, get away from it all. I'll have you back in time for class on Monday." He took another step closer to her, his hands braced on the wall behind her.

She tilted her head back to rest against the wall, her eyes studying his as they twinkled back at her.

"Okay, yes, fine. Where are we going?"

Castle stopped for a second, his eyes narrow as he focused on a spot on the wall beside her head, his lips parted slightly. "I have no idea."

She laughed again as she leaned up to give him a chaste kiss on the lips. "Well then we better get going. Go pack a bag. Pick me up at my apartment in an hour."

He smiled down at her as he bent down for another, longer kiss. "This is going to be epic. We should do a tour of tacky tourist towns, no hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurants. Wait, no: salsa, onions. Bad idea. Oh, I know. We can pretend to be German tourists or…"

"Or," she chimed in, her lips pressed up against his ear. "We can tour a single room in a bed and breakfast."

He swallowed hard as she chuckled against his ear, her warm breath blowing across his skin.

"Yeah," he forced out as he pushed back from the wall, putting a couple feet worth of space between them before they ended up scarring his daughter for life by doing it in the hall outside of their apartment. "We could definitely do that. I, um, I'm going to go pack now. I will see you in an hour."

Her laugh could be heard, ringing through the hall as his door slammed shut and he leaned up against the inside wall of his apartment, his hands covering his face.

"Dad? What's wrong?"

Castle peaked through the space between two of his fingers to look at his daughter and her friend staring back at him curiously.

"Nothing," he muttered as he pushed himself off of the wall and made his way towards the bedroom. "Just that that woman is going to be the death of me."

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><p>Kate leaned back against the cool metal wall of the elevator as it descended towards the lobby. The calm, light-hearted feeling sinking from her belly as she moved farther and farther from the bubble of Castle's loft. It was like there was an alternative dimension in his office, a space that was theirs alone; one that they had created while spitting ideas back and forth for <em>Checkmate<em>. It was a place where he hadn't had to be bothered with deadlines, or worry about his daughter leaving for college. It was where her engagement hadn't been falling apart. Now, she was leaving it again, heading back out to the streets of the city, where everything else waited: the lies and questioning glances. She sighed.

It would be over soon.

She nodded to the doorman as she crossed the lobby and held up her hand for a taxi. She was too tired, too emotionally drained to worry about the subway, or walking to her place. The car pulled up and she sank back into the worn, sticky, slightly smell seat. It would be nice to get out of the city for a little while, too.

She whirled through her apartment, articles of clothing strewn around her as she flipped through shirts, pants, the occasional dress, and other, more intimate, garments. She shoved her chosen articles into her bag before stripping off her own clothing and stepping into the steaming shower.

She stepped back out to a chirp of her cell phone and a text message advising her to dress in comfortable clothing. She quirked an eyebrow at the screen before shrugging and wrapping a towel around her hair. She wouldn't have time to style it before Castle got there. Instead she shimmied into a pair of skinny jeans and threw a t-shirt over her head. She was just tying up the laces on her second Chuck when he knocked on the door.

She swung it open with a feeling of déjà vu and a small smile on her face as her hand came up in a wave.

"Hey, Castle."

He glanced over her, eying her t-shirt a second too long.

"That's hot," he said as he bent down to kiss her on the cheek. A smile tugged at her lips as she glanced down at the Wonder Woman tee.

"Like that, do ya?" She turned to saunter back towards the bedroom, her hips swaying a little bit harder and her hands reaching up to wrap her damp hair up in knot. "Just wait until you see the matching underwear."

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><p>She quirked an eyebrow at him, her head tilted slightly, as he held open the backseat door to the town car and motioned for her to get in.<p>

"We're having a driver take us on our weekend trip?"

"No," he rebuked. "We are not. We are having a driver take us to the airport."

Her head whipped around to look at him, eyes narrow. "Airport?"

"Yep."

"Where are we going?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

She let out a soft hum. "Uh huh. So, what did Alexis say when you told her that you were just picking up and leaving town for the weekend."

"She said to have fun, be safe and to stay away from police horses. She promised no crazy parties. Just said that she and her friend Andrew would be studying for most of it," Castle raised his shoulders in a slight shrug.

Kate pressed her lips into a line, suppressing a laugh. "Studying, sure."

It was Castle's turn to whip his head around to face her. "What? Why do you say that?"

Kate dropped her chin so that she could look up at him. A _you've got to be kidding me, right?_look painted on her face. "You do know that they are dating, right?"

Castle's eyes grew wide as he stared back at her, the panic clearly rising inside of him.

"They're what?" He exclaimed.

She turned to settle back in her seat and patted a hand on his thigh, squeezing it gently. "Don't worry. I'm sure they'll be fine."

Castle nodded as he stared straight ahead.

"She is an adult now, you know," Kate continued softly. "You have to let her grow up sometime."

"Yeah," he forced out. "But she doesn't have to do it in my apartment."

She sighed again and leaned against his arm, her head resting on his shoulder as he continued to stare forward. "She's an amazing young woman, Rick, and Andrew is a good guy. She took the break-up with Ashley hard, let her have this and don't even think about going after that poor young man with a shot gun."

He turned his head towards her slightly, opening his mouth to say something before snapping it shut again at her next words.

"Or a fencing sword."

"How did you know about that?" He asked, turning his body to look at her.

"Your mother and I talk, too."

He settled back in his seat letting out a small humph with his arms crossed over his chest. Kate sat back in her seat beside him. They were approaching JFK.

"Now, where are we going?"

"Well, I hear there is this place with, and I quote, "the best coffee ever", I thought I might want to try it."


	25. Chapter 24

Back to Where We Have Never Been 

A/N: So, did you figure out where they were going? LoveJessieLou guessed it. Anyway, thank you again for all of your comments and kind words. It really si great to hear that everyone is still enjoying this story. :)

Now, on to chapter 24! :)

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><p><span>Chapter 24<span>

The French doors in their third story room opened to a balcony overlooking Bourbon Street in the French Quarter of New Orleans. The cool autumn breeze blew in through the open doors, the thin white curtains flapping open gently as stronger gusts blew, bringing in the sounds of bar goers in with them. It was late, the wee hours of the morning, but the people of the Big Easy were still living it up on the streets below.

"You want to go out?" He whispered lying on his back, staring up at the white, carved ceiling of the hotel room.

She flipped her head around to look at him, her hands pillowing her head as she lay next to him on her belly. She let out a soft sigh and blinked at him lazily. With the silky white duvet, sheets and pillows surrounding her Castle couldn't help but think she looked almost virginal lying on the bed surrounded by a halo of her own hair but then again, what they had been doing in the bed was not even close to virginal.

"No," she murmured, nuzzling her head a little deeper into her arms. "I want to stay right here."

Clothing was strewn across the floor: shoes by the door, followed by jackets, shirts and pants. He had kissed her, hard when he had peered down at the lacy bra and panties she had been hiding under her jeans and t-shirt and she had jumped up, wrapping her long legs around his waist when he had suggested that the just snuggle for the night, complaining that his back was sore from being cramped on the plane.

He ran a finger down the side of her neck and over her shoulder, pausing briefly at a bruise he found there.

His petted in gently before leaning over to kiss it. "I got you."

Her lips tilted up in a small smirk. "That's not the only one."

She rolled over in the California King bed and flipped the sheet off of her naked body so that he could see all of her.

"You should see the ones down here."

He turned over onto his side, inching down to run his fingers over her stomach and hipbones. His thumb brushed gently over a hickey below her belly button before moving further down, to one on her hip and another on the inside of her left thigh. She watched him, smiling, with her bottom lip pulled between her teeth as he made his way back up her body, pausing to kiss each bruise carefully.

"I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I'm really not." He smiled into the soft flesh of her stomach as her hand ran over the smooth muscles of his back, scratching him gently with her fingernails.

He stopped to run the pad of his thumb softly over the small tattoo on her right hip, right above her bikini line: a small blue butterfly.

"Why did you get this," he murmured, peering up at her staring down at him, watching his every movement, her hair spread out on the pillow like a golden-brown halo. Her hand ran lazily through his hair.

She hummed in memory. "I was sixteen and I was a complete brat. I don't know how my parents handled me. I never really got into trouble and I still had straight A's so I wasn't completely bad, but I yelled and screamed and did everything they didn't want me to do. Partied with my friends, smoked cigarettes. I got grounded for something, I don't even remember what now. I think I might have missed a curfew. Anyway, my mom grounded me. Normally, she stayed calm about it, talked to me like I was an adult. This time she just blew and yelled. I was so angry. I yelled back, promised her that I would be getting out as soon as I could. I would be gone, far away and she would be sorry. I got this the next day to express my want of freedom. My desire to fly away."

She paused to let out a sigh and he laid his head on her bare thigh, looking up at her face, waiting for her to continue, as her fingers danced over the small tattoo.

"The irony is, that the moment I was gone all I wanted was to be back again but I was too stubborn to return. I didn't want her to give me that look, that 'I told you so' look. I hate that look. So I convinced myself I loved California more than New York, that I loved my life there more than my family."

Her hand drifted back down to his head, her fingers once again playing in his hair, tracing around the smooth lines of his ear as her eyes tilted up to look at the ceiling. "I keep thinking about how different my life would be if I had stayed in New York. What would be the same, what would be different. I never would have met Mark. I probably would have gone to law school instead of studying literature. I never would have met you…"

"Oh, but that's where you are wrong, my dear Dr. Beckett," Castle countered, lifting to his hands and knees, crawling up her body. "We would have met."

She lifted an eyebrow as he settled down next to her, his head cradled on her shoulder, a leg slung over her thighs. He curled his leg tighter around her body and pulled her into his side, making her snuggle into him, which she did willingly with a wiggle of her hips. "Oh, really? Because, if I remember correctly, we met because I was visiting my parents on my way home from Russia. If I had become a lawyer, I wouldn't have been in Russia and it would be safe to assume that I would not have had the time to run to that bookstore that morning."

"We may not have met there, or even during that same year, but we would have met."

"Are you saying its fate that you hit on me in that bookstore?" Her mouth stretched into a smile as she looked over at him, laughter in her eyes.

"Fate, kismet, destiny, call it what you like but when I saw you for the first time it was like I had known you my entire life. I know that that sounds cheesy and cliché and everything a writer should not say but it's the truth. We were meant to be together. We were meant to be here, now. Everything has led to this moment."

She fell silent beside him, her fingers running down his arm, scratching at his skin as she momentarily got lost in her own thoughts. Was it really fate that her life got so screwed up the moment Richard Castle had waltzed into it?

She wound her fingers through his, bringing his knuckles up to her lips for a soft kiss. She remembered that shock that shot through her veins and stunned her heart the first time he took her hand. She thought about the way that he knew her better than she knew herself some days. The way he had memorized her coffee order and reminded her to eat when she got busy. That look he had in his eyes when he told her that he loved her. The way she had felt complete when they had made love for the first time, only a week before.

It had only been a week; it felt like a lifetime.

"What you thinking about?" He tilted his head up to whisper in her ear and a shiver ran down her spine.

"You."

"Yeah?" He shifted slightly so he was lying on top of her again, his teeth nipping at her collarbone as his tongue traveled behind, soothing the red skin.

"Yeah."

A bottle broke outside the window and a group of bar goers howled in raucous laughter.

Kate let out a snort of laughter as Castle smiled into the smooth curve of her neck.

"Are you sure you don't want to be out there, living it up?"

Kate shook her head as grabbed a fist full of his hair and gently tugged until he was face to face with her. "I'm having plenty of fun living it up in here."

* * *

><p>"This is so good," Castle crowed as he brought the ceramic coffee cup to his lips one more time, taking a tiny sip before tearing off another piece if a beignet and popping it into his mouth.<p>

Kate leaned back in her chair and smiled at him from across the table, relaxing into the metal bars, her legs crossed under the table, foot swinging from side to side to the beat of the soft jazz music playing in the background.

"I told you. I never lie about coffee."

"Can you believe I've never been to New Orleans before? I mean it's an entire city devoted to awesome food, amazing pastries and over-the-top parties and I haven't been here. What about you, how many times have you been down here?"

Kate smiled as she looked back at him, her head tilted to the side. "Four. The first time I was in undergrad. A group of us came down for Mardi Gras. It was insane. I honestly don't know how we survived the trip. We lost one guy the first night and he didn't show back up until right before we left for the airport. When he returned he had a tattoo on his arm and a wedding ring on his finger."

She paused to laugh at the memory and the raised eyebrow look on Castle's face.

"He got married?" Castle echoed, a slight squeak in his voice.

She nodded at him with a slight hum, laughter bubbling up in her. "Yep, to some girl named Bethany. Still married too, they have two kids. He ended up transferring to Tulane so he could be with her."

"What about you, what did you do?" Castle forced out, gulping at the sly, teasing leer she shot at him.

"Oh," she started, leaning towards him. "You don't want to know what I did."

He nodded at her, eyes wide. "Yes, I do."

She shrugged as lowered her head, looking up at him with coy eyes, blinking slowly so that her lashes brushed against her cheeks. He gulped as he watched her lean back in her chair, bringing her coffee cup to her lips with a small shrug.

"Honestly I didn't do much. It was right after I got arrested and I was still reeling from the experience. I designated myself the DD for the trip and spent most of my time getting the others out of trouble. I still had fun but it was the type of fun where I wasn't a drunken fool."

He nodded in understanding. "What we did last night was pretty fun sober."

He paused to leer at her and she giggled back at him, her tongue pressed against the back of her teeth in that open mouthed smile he loved so much. "And this morning."

Her foot snuck out to wrap around his leg under the table and she sighed as she looked at him, as he finally tore his eyes from her and glanced at their surroundings. He could see down the street from their table next to the glass wall of the shop. A busker was playing the saxophone a block down and the haunting melody wafted in through the door whenever someone entered the shop. A family of tourists made their way down the street and the smells of fresh baked pastries mixed with the spices and fish of jambalaya and gumbo.

"What was the second time?" He asked suddenly.

Kate's head snapped up towards him, his words drawing her out of her own thoughts. "What? Oh, it was right after Hurricane Katrina hit. A bunch of us came down to help. I was working on my doctorate at that point. We went over winter break of 2005, only months after the storm hit. I was working in a clinic. Mark and some of the others were rebuilding houses… It was a ghost town, so different from the vibrant life that had been here only a couple of years before. I've never seen anything like it."

She paused and shook her head to release the darker thoughts, forcing a smile back onto her face. "When I came back last year it was nice to see that it was getting back to normal. It's not great yet, but it's better. So, what do you want to do today?"

He was looking at her with a gentle smile on his face.

"What?" She asked shyly.

"You're amazing," he replied.

The blush crept up her neck and she swept a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm really not. Trust me. I've made my share of mistakes."

"Yeah, you are and the fact that you don't believe me just makes you even more so."

She blushed again and he cleared his throat as he brought his coffee cup to his lips for the last sip of the cooling beverage. "I want to take you dancing tonight."

She raised her brow as she stared at him in disbelief. "Dancing?"

"Yeah, this is the city of Jazz, right, bluegrass? We need to go dancing."

"Okay. There's a little jazz club down the street that's amazing. I had a good time there last year."

It was his turn to raise an eyebrow at her. "How good of a time."

She shrugged, a sly grin playing at her lips. "What can I say, I like to dance."

He let out a soft growl as she grinned at him, her mouth hiding behind her cup, a playful glint in her eyes. It was his goal to keep that glint there for the rest of the weekend. No worry, no seriousness.

"Cruel woman. What do you want to do now? It's still early."

Her foot trailed up the back of his calf and he bit his lip with a whimper. "I want to go back to the hotel."

He swallowed hard as he nodded. "Good plan."

* * *

><p>He was standing out on the balcony, leaning on the railing with his cell phone pressed against his ear as she sat in the bed, silky white sheet and comforter pulled up around her chest, his manuscript pages cradled in her lap. She had gotten to page two, but instead her attention was on him. Watching his profile through the thin white curtain. Some of his words drifted in to her. At first they were happy, cheerful, talking to Alexis about something. Kate had made him promise not to ask his daughter anything about Andrew. Instead they were talking about how amazing the city was and how he would have to bring her down to see it.<p>

"Yeah, I'm sure there are still places that you could volunteer… I'm not sure if Brad Pitt would still be here but you know, it's a small price to pay." His laughter drifted in and Kate couldn't help but smile as she watched him in his white t-shirt and jeans; bare feet on the concrete slab. He was such a good father. She could feel her heart swell and her hand drifted to her belly. She had never really thought about kids before. They had been a passing idea in her mind, not a want or a need. Now, now she could imagine a baby, a family, his ear pressed against her stomach. She bit her lip. They had technically only been together for a week and in that time they had spent the majority of it not talking to each other, fighting. It was not time yet to be thinking about getting married or kids or anything except what kind of ice cream he liked or about round three when he came back to the bed.

"No, I'm on vacation."

Kate's head lifted slightly as she squinted at him. His posture had stiffened, the relaxed lines of his back becoming tense as he spoke to whoever was on the phone now. She had the feeling it was no longer Alexis.

"Gina, come on," he sighed and Kate pushed herself up a little straighter in the bed, watching as he ran hand through his hair and down his face. "No, you don't have to come down here. I am a big boy I can handle it. Fine."

Castle sighed as he jabbed his thumb on the end button and made his way back into the room, head hung, cell phone held limply in his hand at his side.

"What's going on?" Kate questioned as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Gina somehow found out that I was down here and took the liberty of scheduling a signing and an appearance at a charity event for tomorrow night. I'm sorry, I tried to get out of it." He sighed as he looked up at her.

Kate shrugged. "It's okay. Its not like we had any plans and the charity event could be fun."

He glared at her slightly. "You haven't heard the best part. Gina's flying down for it."

Kate's mouth formed an O as she stared back at him. "Oh."

"Yeah. She's pissed about me needing an extended deadline for the second book. Wants to make me squirm. I'm sorry, you have to pay the price."

Kate sighed and pushed herself to sit behind him, the sheet slipping to around her waist as she draped her arms around his shoulders from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder. "Does this mean I get to see you in a tux?"

Castle nodded his head. "Yup. I don't think the tuxedo print t-shirt would fly very well. I'll have to find a place to rent one…"

His voice trailed off as his head perked up slightly.

"Of course…" he turned around as he crawled up in the bed, leaning her back with her arms still curled around his neck. "That also means that you have to get a dress."

"Oh, no," she countered. "You're not buying me a dress."

He bent his head down to like her pulse point and she let out a slight whimper as she squirmed underneath him.

"This," she gasped, biting her lip to suppress a moan, as he moved his head down, leaving open mouthed kisses down the smooth lines of her body. "Is not going to convince me either."

He chuckled against her ribs and her body shivered involuntarily. "Are you sure about that? I can be very persuasive."


	26. Chapter 25

Back to Where We Have Never Been

Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, Kate and Rick would have better communication skills.

A/N: Here is a long one to make up for the break in updates. Unfortunately, my professors will not accept fanfic as a replacement for assignments.

* * *

><p>Chapter 25<p>

Kate glared at him as he held the door open for her on Friday afternoon. They had pulled themselves out of bed to go shopping since they wouldn't have time to do it the next day, between the book signing and the gala.

Her head turned to look at him while her body continued to move forward. He smirked slightly as his eyes followed her as she walked into the shop. Her eyes narrowed a little bit more and he let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. She stopped short once she was through the entrance and her attention turned to the displays inside rather than the man who was gloating behind her.

"I told you I could be persuasive," he leaned down to whisper in her ear, the self-congratulatory tone in his voice pushing her a little bit more towards the edge.

"You didn't persuade anything. I'm _not_ allowing you to buy me a dress. I do, however, need a dress for this thing, so I will buy one for myself. You are in no way involved in this process, except for the fact that you can hold my purse while I shop," Kate hissed back, her glare held steadily in place.

Rick came around so that he was facing her and raked his eyes over her body suspiciously. "You aren't wearing a purse."

Kate opened her mouth to retort but stopped herself, her mouth creasing into a frown, when she took her own inventory of her possessions and let out a sigh instead. Her purse was back in the hotel room. She patted her pockets gently and her frown twitched up into a smile. She did, however, have her debit card in the back pocket of her jeans.

"Fine," she smirked. "You can hold my shoes then."

Castle let out a pitiful moan as she brushed past him and walked up to a random rack of dresses housed in the small boutique and began flipping through them. She pulled a blue one out to take a better look and casually flipped out the price tag. She bit her lip and her eyes flitted over to Castle, who had wandered to another rack full of red dresses. She slipped the dress back into its place and made her way a few feet down to a rack that housed a less ornate selection.

She flipped through a few more, pulling out a couple of black ones, when a sales associate bounced up to her.

"Hi! How are you today? Is there anything I can help you with?"

Kate couldn't help but smile as she glanced down at the girl's nametag, which read _Mitsy. _Kate mentally rolled her eyes. Of course it was.

Kate bit her lip again, her eyes flickering back over to Castle, who was busy filling his arms with dresses, flipping each one around to look at the back and then around again to rake his eyes over the front, seemingly analyzing it, predicting what it would, assumingly, look on her body before either adding it to his stack or sticking it back on the rack with a firm shake of his head.

"Hi, Mitsy," Kate started when she was sure Castle was distracted. The girl beamed up at her and Kate couldn't help but smile back. "I was wondering if you had anything for under a thousand."

Mitsy's smile faltered before she pasted another, slightly more fake, one on in its place.

"We have this rack right over here," the girl announced and Kate really did roll her eyes as Mitsy lead her to the back corner of the shop and promptly turned away, making her way back to the counter without another word. She probably worked on commission.

Kate looked back at the rack and let out a small sigh, as she pulled out a few that weren't that bad. Her eyes swiveled over to where she felt Mitsy watching her. She glared at the girl slightly and Mitsy ducked her head down to look at her phone. Kate smirked again. She was used to dealing with uppity twenty-somethings.

She folded the dresses over her arm and motioned to Castle that she would be in the changing room and he nodded, trotting after her as she made her way back to the row of curtains behind a wall. She had just pulled one shut and started to pull off her top when Castle stuck his head in the side of the stall, causing her to jump when she saw his floating head reflected in the mirror.

"Jesus, Castle! What the hell?" She hissed and he grinned at her, slightly chagrin.

"Here," he stated, straightening up so that his body blocked the slight gap in the curtain as he held a handful of dresses out to her. "Try these on."

"Castle," she started, exasperated. "I can't…"

"Just try them on. Please? For me? You don't have to get any of them," he argued gently and she sighed, taking the hangers from his hand.

"Fine," she breathed out. "But don't think this means anything. You still aren't _persuading _me into anything."

Castle made a noncommittal hum and ducked back out of the small changing cube. "I'll be out here for the show, Beckett. You better model them for me."

Kate rolled her eyes as she stepped out of her jeans and pulled the first dress off of the hanger. She stepped into it, pulling it up her body. She held it up and looked in the mirror, eyes wide. _God, no._ Whoever had thought of putting a bow there had been sorely mistaken. Not good at all.

"I'm waiting, Beckett," Castle called from the hall and she huffed.

"Trust me, you don't want to see this one," she called back.

She was about to pull it off when Castle's head poked back in through the curtain. She jumped slightly, again, before rolling her eyes at his attempt not to laugh.

"That is awful!" he exclaimed. "Oh, no, take it off. Now."

He stepped fully into the small space, edging around her, pulling the curtain closed after him as he rifled through the stack of dresses himself.

"Here," he stated, pulling out one of the black ones he had picked out. "Try this one on."

Kat held it up, eying the front of it critically. She held out a finger and stuck it through a slit in the front of the dress. She turned to Castle with a raised eyebrow, shaking her head slowly. "No. Definitely not."

"Why not?" He whined. "It's gorgeous! It's sexy; it's elegant. I happen to have very good taste in dresses, you know."

"Uh huh," she hummed, disbelieving, as she continued to study the dress with a raised eyebrow. Her finger pulled down, making the slit that went across the waist of the dress become a little bit wider. She pulled her finger back and turned the dress around to study the dipping back and held it up to her body.

"No way, Castle." She shook her head again. "With this back and that slit up the side of the leg, I would have a wardrobe malfunction for sure. Nope. Sorry."

Castle let out a long-suffering sigh as he took the dress back, from her outstretched hand, and hung it on the hook. "Fine."

Kate watched in amusement as he pulled out a random dress and looked it over before shaking his head and putting it back, pulling out another one with an approving nod.

"This one. Try this one."

It was beautiful: deep purple, floor-length, halter style. It was simple, elegant with a slight embellishment of jewels below the bust line. There was a slit up the leg, which was easily camouflaged in the flowing folds of the skirt. She felt her breath catch in her throat as she reached out to touch it. The silk fabric melted under her touch.

She let out a soft moan and Castle chuckled. "Told you I was good at this."

She shushed him with a look and reached out to look at the price tag. Her eyes grew wide as she took in the name Valentino and she shook her head suddenly. "No. No. Nooo. Nope. Nuh-uh."

She pushed the dress away, shoving it forcefully back into his hand. "Put it back."

Castle looked at her questioningly. "Why? What's wrong?"

"It's seven thousand dollars, Castle! Put it back," Kate exclaimed as she reached for one of the dresses she had picked out and zipped it off of the hanger. "I am definitely not paying seven _thousand_ dollars for a dress I will only wear once."

Castle opened his mouth to reply but she silenced him with a pointed look and a raised finger. "And neither are you."

Rick's mouth snapped shut and he nodded once in acquiescence. "Okay, fine. I'm just going to go and talk to them about my tux."

Kate glanced at him in the mirror as he lifted the dresses he picked off of the hook and made his way out of the dressing room with his head hung. She let out a sigh and zipped up the small side zipper on the black dress. It fit her perfectly: a simple strapless dress with a black ribbon embellishment running in an empire waist under her bust line. It was nice; it was good. It was _way_ less than seven thousand dollars.

She bit her lip and shifted onto her left foot as her hands clenched at her sides. It wasn't that she was being stubborn or that she wasn't flattered that he wanted to buy a dress for her, because she was. But she had stated it before and she would say it again, she was going to do this on her own for a little while. Yes, she was in a relationship, well as far into a relationship as one date and lots of sex could take a couple, but that didn't mean that she had to lose her independence. And if being independent meant living on her own and giving up sinfully expensive, delicious ball gowns, then so be it.

Kate glanced at the curtain again and frowned. She still had the feeling that he was going to try to buy the dress. She narrowed her eyes as she stared behind her in the mirror. Her gaze fell onto her stack of discarded clothing. The corner of a brown leather wallet stuck out of her pants pocket. A small smirk played on her lips as she lowed the zipper back down.

Good thing she had swiped his wallet when she walked past him earlier. All of those years of playing magic tricks with her grandfather had turned her into quite the pre-adolescent pickpocket. It was one of the few skills she had held onto in adulthood.

* * *

><p>A billow of steam followed her, Saturday morning, as Kate made her way out of the bathroom and into the cool air of the hotel room. The room wasn't big, ornate. It was one room, quaint. Intimate. A coy grin covered her face. Very intimate. The walls were pale blue, the furniture dark cherry, and the ceiling was white, the wood carved into an ornate pattern of swirls and scenes, telling a story that they had tried to read as they laid in the bed the night before.<p>

_Castle was weaving a tale of musicians and speakeasies in the 1920s. New Orleans: the birthplace of jazz. She was laying with her head pillowed on his shoulder as he spoke softly for only her to hear, his arm wrapped around her, holding her to him. Not possessively, just closely like she was cherished, loved. It was like he needed to feel her body pressed into his. Their legs tangled together under the covers. She breathed the smell of his skin. He would lean over every once in while to place a gentle kiss on her head, brushing his lips over her hair. _

"_It was a love story. A white man fell in love with a black woman: a jazz singer. Her voice was like an angel singing. He fell in love with her during once of her melodious ballads and as hard as they both tried to resist they couldn't bring themselves to be apart," he whispered into her hair, his lips moving against her scalp. She grinned softly into his shoulder as she imagined the scene playing out in her mind. "Of course, then the aliens landed and the CIA arrived and they were torn apart forever by the INS."_

_Kate's hand stilled its motion of tracing patterns over his bare chest, her fingernails ceasing their light scratching on his skin. _

"_You just had to go and ruin it."_

"_I didn't ruin it, I made it better. Every story is better with a little bit of angst, drama and aliens."_

_Kate had let out a light laugh as she heard the smile in his voice. "Not every story."_

_His arm tightened around her in a sideways hug, pulling her closer to him than she thought was even possible. "No, you're right. Not every story."_

_Her eyelids began to droop as she lay in his arms, her head contently resting on his chest: the worries of the outside world melting away. It wasn't just his office. It was him. Her worries melted away when she was with him. _

"_I love you," he murmured against skin, his lips soft and his breath warm as he sighed the words into her, painting them onto her skin. _

"_I love you, too."_

She reached out for the garment bag with one hand, the other reaching up to adjust the towel wrapped around her hair. She squeezed it a couple of times, helping the towel draw out some more of the water before bringing her hand down to lower the zipper on the bag. The bag opened and a flash of purple caught her eye.

"What the…" She voiced, her brow furrowing and her jaw dropping as she pulled the purple dress out of the bag. How had he gotten it? She had swiped his wallet.

Then it dawned on her, he had rented a tux. How had he been able to rent a tux without his wallet? He would have noticed it was gone and come to find her. He would have known.

"Gotcha," his voice sounded, right next to her right ear.

Kate whirled around to face him: jaw set and eyes narrow.

"You see," he continued, nonchalantly, one hand holding the towel at his waist, the other running a smaller towel over his short hair, causing it to stand up like a fluffy porcupine. "The weirdest thing happened yesterday. I had my wallet when we left the hotel and then I go to rent my tux and I come to realize that I don't have it with me anymore. But, you see, I think with my brain."

He tapped a finger to his temple a couple of times. "I put one of my credit cards in another pocket just in case I had happened to be pick pocketed at some point during the trip. Of course, I had never even considered that my girlfriend would be the one to pick my pocket."

Both of their sets of eyes drifted over to where his brown leather wallet was set on the small table by his side of the bed, where she had placed it when he was using the bathroom the night before.

Kate narrowed her eyes at him again and he sighed. "Please, Kate? Just wear the dress. It will look beautiful on you and I owe you for coming to this thing with me tonight. I am not trying to undermine your independence or say that you can't take care of yourself, because we both know that you can. I just wanted to get this for you. For me too, actually, because you are going to look so hot. So, really it is a self-serving present. You can even leave the tags on and return it after you wear it if you really want to…"

Her lips met his and his words died in his throat as he melted into the kiss.

"Thank you," she smiled against him. "It's beautiful."

What could she say? Yes, she wanted to make a show of her independence but it was cute how he wanted to spoil her and that he knew her well enough to know that she would take his wallet to keep him from buying her a dress.

It was nice to be wanted and not just had.

She kissed him again and his hand came up to unravel the towel from her body, groaning softly as her hand came up to stop him.

"We need to get dressed. You have to be at the signing in an hour and Gina is meeting us there," she murmured softly, drawing her face a couple of inches away from his.

"Fine," he sighed, leaning down to place a gentle kiss along the curve of her neck. "But please don't make a habit of mentioning my ex-wife while we are making out, mostly naked. I don't like it."

She laughed as she stepped back, towards her suitcase. "Noted. Now, go find something to wear. Your fans are waiting."

* * *

><p>She couldn't help but laugh as she stepped out of the bathroom to see him standing in the middle of the room in a pair of jeans and a tuxedo print t-shirt.<p>

"You are not wearing that," she stated firmly as she reached up to clasp an earring to her ear.

"Why not?" he whined in reply. "It's fun."

She pinned him with an exasperated glare. "You are such a child."

"It's part of my charm."

"It's something all right."

"Fine." He sighed as he reached down for deep blue long sleeved shirt that was laid out on the bed next to him and preceded to button it over the other black shirt, rolling up the sleeved and tucking it in. "Better?"

"Much," she replied as she lifted up on her tiptoes for a kiss before slipping her feet into a pair of flats.

They made their way out into the hall, down the spiral staircase and out to the sidewalk turning to walk, hand-in-hand, to the bookstore a few blocks down.

"How long will this thing take," she asked as they stopped at small shop for coffee.

He shrugged in reply. "Probably only a couple of hours. There shouldn't be that many people there. You can do something else while I'm doing this, you know, you don't have to sit there and be bored for hours."

Kate shook her head as she smiled up at him. "It's a bookstore, Rick. There is no way I'll be bored."

He nodded in reply. "Good point."

They made their way in through the doors and Kate let out a low whistle when she saw the line already wrapping its way through the stacks. This was going to take longer than a couple of hours.

"Gina does fast work."

Castle shook his head in response. "No, this wasn't Gina. This means that she brought Paula in, too."

"Paula?"

"Yeah, my publicist." He shook his head as he looked around, spotting two women walking towards them. "I apologize in advance."

Kate nodded silently as the two women approached and Rick's hand slipped from hers as he took a step forward, reaching out to grasp the dark haired woman's hands and leaning down to kiss her on the cheek. A large, and in Kate's opinion extremely fake smile plastered on his face. It was one that she could only pinpoint because she had seen his genuine smile so often over the course of the last couple of days.

"Paula," he greeted. "So nice to see you, I didn't know that you would be here."

He glared over at Gina who was looking between him and Kate with her arms crossed over her chest, lips pursed.

"Gina." He greeted, monotone.

"Rick," she smiled up at him: a forced, too sweet smile. "I didn't know you were here with someone."

He let out a soft sigh as he reached back to wrap an arm around Kate's waist. "Well, I generally don't make it a habit to go on vacation by myself. You remember Kate Beckett. You met last year at the Autism benefit."

Gina let out a knowing hum and nodded. "I remember."

She turned to Kate, a glint in her eyes as she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin slightly, looking regal in her knee length charcoal grey dress and heels; a stark contrast to Kate's skinny jean and flats, even though she had taken the extra step and thrown a blazer on over her t-shirt, giving herself a shabby chic look. Kate pasted a smile onto her face and held out a hand.

She could be nice to Rick's ex-wife. She could. She had no reason to hate the woman. Other than their brief encounter the year before she hadn't even spoken to her.

"Gina, nice to see you again."

"Likewise," Gina gripped her hand firmly. "You were engaged when we met last year, were you not? How's that working out for you?"

Kate stilled, her shoulders going rigid as she felt Rick stiffened beside her. "We broke up."

Gina raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly. "I'm sure."

Okay, now she had a reason to hate the woman.

Kate opened her mouth to retort when Castle gripped her waist a little harder in his hand and she snapped her mouth back shut her eyes flickering over to the line of men and women (mostly women) waiting to get their books signed, some of them watching them curiously, within earshot. Instead, she lifted up on her toes and gave him a quick peck on cheek. "I'll be in the lit section."

She glanced back at the trio as she made her way across the store, pulling her sunglasses off of her head and sticking them into her pocket as she went.

"Seriously, Gina?" She heard Rick hiss as she walked away and she smiled to herself. Independent woman or not, sometimes it just felt nice to be defended.

* * *

><p>He leaned against the shelf and watched her as she sat in the middle of the aisle, cross-legged with the book open on her lap. Her hair fell in front of her face and she lifted a hand to brush it back. Her coffee was sitting on the floor beside her, cold, empty, forgotten as she continued to be absorbed into the book that she was reading. He took a step forward, coming up behind her to look at the words over her shoulder and his lips drew up into a small smile.<p>

"I feel like I should be offended, you know," he whispered as he crouched down behind her. "You'll read Patterson but you won't read my books?"

"What can I say," she replied slowly and he could hear the smile in her voice as her head continued to stay bent over the book. "I know quality when I see it."

"Oh, ouch," Castle whined as he fell to his butt in the middle of the aisle, his hands clutching at his chest. "You wound me Beckett, an arrow straight to my heart."

She let out a small chuckle as she snapped the book shut and pushed it back into the empty slot on the shelf. Pushing herself off of the floor, she held a hand out to him, pulling him up so that he was standing directly in front of her, swaying into her body. "Eh, it's for research. Crime week is coming up."

He hummed in response.

"You should come."

His eyes shot up to meet hers. What?

"What?" He voiced.

She shifted slightly with a shrug of her shoulders, her eyes looking both ways down the aisle and flickering over to the rows of books behind him before meeting his again. "Yeah, I mean, everyone already knows we are dating. The students would love it. _You_ would love it. And I figure I can field a couple of questions if I have to about Jade Knight, etc. If I'm going to get fired, might as well go out with a bang right?"

She let out a self-deprecating laugh and Castle sighed, wrapping his arms around her. "You're not going to get fired but in any case I would love to come."

She let out another soft sigh before shaking her head to pull her head out of her thoughts and looking up at him with a small smile. "How'd it go?"

"Oh, you know," he replied, taking her hand as they walked down the aisle towards the door. He waved at a couple of people as they made their way out to the sidewalk. "'I love your work, Mr. Castle', 'Where do you get your ideas?', 'Will you sign my chest?' The usual."

She glared up at his impish grin and reached a hand up to tweak his ear. "You're incorrigible."

"What can I say?" He shrugged innocently, ducking his head to avoid her fingers. "My fans love me."

"Mm-hmm."

"Lunch?"

"Sure. I know a great little place. We're in New Orleans. We should have jambalaya at some point. I'm paying."

"Sounds good," he confirmed, letting go of her paying for the lunch. He could do this. He could let her pay for stuff too. It didn't make him less of a man. "I do the hard work and you pay for lunch. I like this arrangement."

She huffed at him again. "Keep up this attitude and see if you get any tonight."

He debated coming back with a retort but just ended up snapping his mouth shut instead. She wasn't usually the kind to make idle threats and he wasn't going to risk seeing if this was one or not.

"Smart boy," she grinning, her eyes still staring straight ahead as they walked down the road, his arm slung around her shoulder, her hand reaching up to hold onto his fingers. "Smart boy."

* * *

><p>People stopped and stared as they walked through the doors into the art gallery where the gala was being held. A couple of light bulbs flashed and Rick flashed a grin. Kate smiling tightly beside him, her arm threaded loosely through his. They were running fashionably late, and by fashionably late he meant that they had taken extra long getting out of the hotel because Kate had had to touch up her makeup from where they had engaged in a frenzied make out session and he had attempted to undress her from that purple silky dress. His face broke into a huge smile as he thought about it and she squeezed his arm slightly, her freshly manicured nails digging into his arm as he leered down at her. She knew exactly what he was thinking about.<p>

"Stop it," she hissed at him.

"Stop what?" He replied, innocently.

"Stop thinking about that."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

She bumped her shoulder into his and he chuckled, his reply dying on his lips as Gina came to a stop in front of them, arms crossed over the chest of her pale pink dress. "You're late."

"We're here."

Gina's eyes swiveled between both of them, her eyes glancing over his tux before settling on Kate's dress. "Nice dress. Valentino, right? What you have to do to get him to buy that for you?"

Kate's eyes grew wide and she took a step forward as Castle froze. He bent his arm into his side slightly, forcing her to stay next to him and she looked up at him as he continued to stay silent. He could see the betrayal in her eyes. Not only was he not saying anything to defend her, he wasn't even allowing her to defend herself.

His eyes met her hurt ones and he stared into them for a second. _I've got this._

"Gina," he addressed, his eyes only just breaking contact with Kate's. "A word?"

Kate withdrew her arm from his.

"I'm going to go get us some drinks," she stated and brought both hands up to hold her clutch by her stomach.

He watched her for a moment as she walked away; the way her back looked in the backless dress, the sway of her hips, the diamond encrusted snake bracelet, he had picked up on a whim when he had seen her eyeing it through a jewelry store window, wrapped securely around her arm. She had protested over that, firmly, repeatedly, until he had promised he had only borrowed it and was going to return it the next day.

She had glared at him for a second, but her smile after she had finally relented was worth it. He liked buying things for her. He knew he didn't have to but she was worth it. She deserved to be spoiled by a little more than just coffees and the occasional ice cream cone.

"She cheated on her fiancé with you. What makes you think she isn't going to do the same with some other guy?"

Gina's voice broke through his musings and his head whipped around to face her, a fire in his eyes.

"You don't have the right," he started as he took step towards his ex. "She is not like that. We did not have an affair and she did not cheat on her fiancé. Do you hear me?"

Gina smirked up at him as she took a step towards him, her hand running up his chest. "Oh, please, I saw the way she was looking at you last year, the way you were looking at her. There is no way you weren't sleeping together."

Castle caught her hand, pulling it down from his neck. "We weren't. Not that it is any of your business, but we didn't start seeing each other until a few weeks ago."

Gina hummed, her hand coming back up to rest on his chest, her long, thin fingers playing with his lapel. "Doesn't change the fact, though. She broke up with her fiancé for you. She going to get tired of you and do the same thing."

She took a step closer to him, her hand once again coming up to wrap around his neck. Castle took a step back, attempting to get away but ran into a wall instead. "Unless, of course, you are just in it for the fun."

She smiled as she pulled his head down to kiss him and his hands came up to push her away.

"I'm not in it for the _fun_. I am going to marry her someday!" He exclaimed and Gina froze in front of him.

He heard a short gasp and looked up to see Kate staring back at him with wide eyes, a martini glass held in each hand.

"What did you just say?"


	27. Chapter 26

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: Here is a short one for you until my academic duties are satisfied. Thank you, as always, for your continuing support. You all rock! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 26<span>

Castle couldn't move. He couldn't say anything. He needed to say something. He needed to explain, to drop down on one knee or to back pedal. He needed to say something but no words would come and she was just staring at him, eyes wide, lips slightly parted, a martini glass in each hand. She was waiting for an answer to her question. What was the question again? Oh, yeah, he had blurted out that he wanted to marry her. No, that wasn't it. He has said that he was _going _to marry her.

Some day.

That declaration probably wouldn't go over very well.

"Rick?"

He snapped out of his thoughts, blinking at her soft, questioning tone as she took a step closer to him.

People were starting to gather around, a bulb flashed and Castle fleetingly thought about all of the reporters present. Gina had faded somewhere into the background as Kate stepped into the forefront, the only person he saw. The only one he wanted to see.

"I, um, I," he stumbled slightly before straightening up, his chin jutting out slightly. He hadn't even looked at another woman since Kate Beckett had waltzed into his life all of those months before. Well, whom was he kidding, he had looked, he was a guy after all, but he hadn't even considered giving them a second thought. In the end he would always end up comparing them to Kate and they would always come up second best.

Always.

There was no one else he could imagine marrying and being with for the rest of his life, and who knows. Maybe this time, the third time would be the charm. She would be the charm; she had definitely charmed him, at least.

"You heard me," he stated, more confidently. "I want to marry you."

She continued to stare at him, her right eyebrow raised slightly.

She wasn't answering him. That hadn't been the right statement. He needed to backpedal, to clarify.

"I mean, eventually marry you. Not today or tomorrow but you know, sometime in the future when we have gone on more than just a couple of dates and you aren't looking at me like I'm a complete idiot, which I am slightly offended by, by the way because I am not an idiot even though you constantly tease me like I am one. That is one thing that we really need to work on because it does hurt my feelings, believe it or not…"

Kate turned slightly and placed the martini glasses on a table next to her. Then she was kissing him, holding his face in her hands. His words died in his throat as his hands came up and settled on her waist.

"So, you're not going to kill me?" He whispered as she pulled back.

She bit her lip around her smile and shook her head, her arms still wrapped around his neck. "No, I'm not going to kill you. And I'm not ready to get married yet, either, but it is nice to know that you want to, eventually, someday."

"Yeah," he whispered back. "Someday."

"Just don't go picking out wedding colors just yet, Mr. Castle," she teased softly, a playful glint returning to her eyes.

"Me? Why would I be the one picking out wedding colors, wouldn't that be your job?"

"Please. Like you don't know it would happen."

"Fine, but if I'm the one planning the wedding, then you are the one that has to propose."

She pulled back slightly, her arms still resting on his shoulders as they stood in the corner of the art gallery, the rest of the world forgotten around them. "Excuse me?"

"When you're ready. You propose to me. I'll have a ring. I promise."

A woman cleared her throat and both Kate and Rick turned their heads to see Paula standing next to them in a sleek black dress, hair pulled back in a stern bun, with her arms crossed over her chest and a pissed off expression on her face. Gina was standing behind her, jabbering into her phone.

"Do you know how many reporters are here tonight?" She hissed at them, leaning forward so they were both forced to arch back in an attempt to keep their personal space.

"Umm…" Castle replied as he and Kate glanced around to see a flurry of fingers typing at text messages and reporters whispering into their phones, most of them shooting them glances before turning in the other direction to talk. "This is bad, isn't it?"

"Well, not if you wanted news of your "engagement" plastered all over the front of page six." Paula retorted. "I'll see what I can do but you owe me."

She pinned them both with another glare before whipping around and stalking out of the gallery through a side door and into the balmy New Orleans's night, Gina on her heels.

"Wow," Kate leaned into him as his arm came up to wrap around her waist. "She's…"

"Intense? Scary? Petrifying? All of those will work," Castle supplied and Kate nodded in agreement. "But she's damn good at her job."

"I'm sure," Kate replied as she glared at a reporter who was flashing a picture of them. "But you are the one that is dealing with the fallout from this, okay?"

Castle let out a whimper as she patted him solidly on the shoulder. "Why me?"

Kate pursed her lips as her glare turned up to him. "Well, I'm not the one that shouted that I wanted to marry you in the middle of a room of reporters."

"Good point."

* * *

><p>Kate's arm flailed out and she let out a pained groan as the bone on the heel of her hand connected with the bedside table in her attempt to grasp the ringing object currently interrupting her dreams.<p>

"Hello?" She croaked out, burying her head into her pillow once more as she brought the phone to her ear and snuggled back into the mattress. The fluffy down comforter warmed her bare back as she nuzzled her face against the Egyptian cotton pillowcase.

"You're _engaged_?" Kate pulled the phone away from her ear with a moan as the shriek resonated through her head and rattled her still alcohol infused brain.

"Mom? What time is it?" She groaned into the speaker and brought a hand up to rub her eyes.

"It's six am. Answer the question, Katie!"

"Jesus, Mom," she whimpered as she began to feel the onset of the inevitable hangover. Never again. She meant it this time. "That mean's it's five here. Why are you calling me so early?"

"Because I opened the paper this morning and you couldn't believe my surprise when I see my daughter's picture plastered all over the front of page six announcing that she's getting married to Richard Castle. So, I am calling you to find out what the hell is going on, Katie. You got engaged and you didn't tell me?"

"Hold on for a second, Mom." Kate nuzzled her head against the pillow once more and flopped out her free hand to shake the shoulder of the man lying next to her. Rick let out a moan in protest and flipped onto his side, his back towards her as he let out a soft snore. Kate mentally rolled her eyes as she tried, once more. The man slept like the dead.

She held the phone out from her ear slightly as her mother continued to pester her.

"Rick, wake up," She hissed as she shook his shoulder harder and he let out a soft snort as he rolled over and blinked at her, bringing a hand up to rub at his eyes.

"Wuz goin' on?" He slurred, letting out a squeaky yawn.

Kate held the phone out to him, watching as he took it, his face twisted in confusion.

"My mom wants to talk to you," she stated succinctly before flipping over and bringing the blanket up to cover her head. Her lips twisted up into a small smile as she heard Rick's questioning greeting, her mother's repeated shriek and Rick's groaned reply promising to fire Paula. They would have to make sure to call Alexis later.

The rest of the night had gone rather well, with free flowing alcohol, a series of banquet tables set up in the largest gallery, and a small wooden dance floor that they had taken advantage of since they had forgone dancing the night before to go dress shopping. A jazz quartet pumping the room full of upbeat melodies.

_Castle stared at the menu with a raised eyebrow as one of the entrée options caught his attention. _

"_What the heck is a Turduckin?"_

_Kate glanced over at him as she finished chewing the piece of bread she had just popped into her mouth._

"_It's a turkey stuffed with a duck which is then stuffed with a chicken. Tur-duck-in: turkey, duck, chicken," she explained as she reached for another champagne flute from the passing tray. _

_Castle stared at her. "First, it is so hot that you know that and second, I totally know what we are having for Thanksgiving. That is like a poultry smorgasbord. What about bacon, do you think we can add bacon because then it would just be awesome?"_

_Kate let out a laugh. "I'm sure you could add bacon."_

"_You are coming over for Thanksgiving, right? I mean we are almost semi-engaged, that means we should probably start spending holidays together. Your parents would be invited too, of course."_

_Kate smiled at his enthusiasm. "Almost semi-engaged? I didn't know we were _that _official yet."_

_Castle looked around before reaching out to the centerpiece in the middle of the table. Some of the other couples at the table looked at him oddly before shrugging it off. They had pretty much learned to ignore the love struck "almost semi-engaged" couple that was still lost in their own world. He pulled back after untying a silver twist tie from around a small bunch of flowers._

"_Here," he murmured as he tied it around the fourth finger of her left hand. "Now we are officially almost semi-engaged."_

Kate smiled under the blanket as she held her hand up in front of her face, the silver twist tie still wrapped around her finger. She could get used to that.

She could definitely get used to that.


	28. Chapter 27

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: Thank you for your patience. The end of the semester is approaching and, unfortunately, that means more work and less play. As always, thank you for all of your love and support. It still amazes me. A special thank you to all of you who have been sharing this story with all of your friends in the fandom. I really appreciate it and am blown away.

Now, on with chapter 27! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 27<span>

"I have to go," Castle murmured against her lips as they stood in the hallway outside the door of her apartment. They had just spent the last ten minutes standing there, necking like teenagers.

Her body melded into his as his arms tightened around her waist and she let out a soft laugh, her grinning teeth pressing against his lips. "Then you should probably let go of me."

"I don't want to let go," he replied as her arms hugged his neck tighter and she brought him in for another kiss. "Come home with me."

Kate drew her head back so she could look up at him, her hands coming down to cup his cheeks as she considered him for a minute. "No, you need to go talk to your daughter and I need to get some sleep. I didn't get much this weekend."

"Not my fault," he grinned back, ducking his head down to give her another kiss. "No man in his right mind would sleep with you in bed next to him, you're too amazing for that. I would be afraid I would wake up and you'd just be a dream."

"Always a way with words."

"You bring them out of me."

Kate's smile grew as she leaned in to kiss him again, standing on her tiptoes with her body flush against him. Castle let out a groan.

"Okay, okay," Kate pulled back, after another long moment, her back now pressed up against the door, her leg wrapped around his thigh. She pushed him back with a firm hand to his chest, her leg slipping back down to the ground. "You have to go. Now."

"But," Castle protested as he leaned in for another kiss that she dodged.

"No, go. You said it yourself, Alexis didn't sound too happy on the phone when you talked to her about the engagement thing and you need to talk to her. Alone."

Castle let out a sigh as he leaned down to hug her, his head pressed against her shoulder.

"Fine," he relented with a final kiss to the curve of her neck, before pulling back and stepping backward to put a foot of space between them. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Kate ducked her head before looking back up at him with an unrelenting grin. "Tomorrow."

Castle took another step backwards, his hands shoved in his pockets. "You're going to be fine. Call me if you need to talk, or anything. Anytime."

"I'm fine, Rick," Kate attempted to huff with a half eye roll but her smile gave her away. She ducked her head again, arms crossed over her chest as she swayed from foot to foot, her smile faltering as she turned her eyes to look up at him with a grateful expression. "Thank you, for everything. For this weekend."

"Always," he replied, his tone low, as he took another step backward. He had to leave and if he moved towards her again he wouldn't be heading home that night.

"Always," she whispered in return and leaned back against her door, lip pulled between her teeth as she watched him disappear into the elevator with one last wave.

The doors slid shut on his smiling face and Kate let out a sigh, her head resting back on the heavy wooden door with a thump. Her eyes rolled to the side and she caught a glimpse of a cracked door and a tuft of white hair, peeking out.

"Good evening, Mrs. Humphries, having a good night?" She called, a single eyebrow rising as she called out to her nosey neighbor.

The seventy-six year old lady let out a humph in reply before slamming the door shut, the sound of the chain sliding into place reaching Kate's ears. She let out a quiet laugh as she shook her head, her teeth biting into her lower lip around her grin.

Was it really possible to be this insanely happy, especially when everything else was falling apart?

* * *

><p>"Honey! I'm home!" Castle called as he entered the loft, his bag dropping to the floor beside him.<p>

"Hey, Dad," Alexis answered warily as she looked up from her open textbook laid out on the counter top in front of her. "Have a good weekend?"

Castle slowed his gate as he came up to give his daughter a kiss in greeting. That was definitely a less than enthusiastic response. "Yes, actually, I did. It was very nice."

Alexis let out a hum in reply. "Seems like it."

Castle let out a sigh as he dropped a kiss to Alexis's head and made his way to the refrigerator for a drink. "Is there something you would like to say, Alexis?"

"Nope."

Castle raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Because passive aggressive is a new look on you. I'm not sure if I like it."

Alexis huffed as she flipped her textbook shut. "Everything is just fine. I'm going to go to bed."

Castle took a step towards the stairs, placing his body in her path. "Hey, what's going on?"

Alexis sighed as she clutched her books to her chest, her eyes falling to the ground before she lifted them back up to look at her father. "You don't even know her Dad, and you are talking about getting married? Really?"

Castle blinked as his daughter. "I know her and we are not talking about getting married yet. Well, I mean, we talked about getting married but we are nowhere even close. The papers were a misunderstanding. And where is this coming from anyway? I thought you liked, Kate?"

"I do like _Kate_," Alexis shot back. "But that doesn't change the fact that you haven't been dating long. You need to act like an adult, Dad."

"I am acting like an _adult_. I'm an _adult_ who is in love with another _adult_ and we are going to do _adult_ things like talk about the future," Castle argued, his anger level rising as he fought with his daughter. What gave her the right?

Alexis sighed again. "Fine, but do me a favor and leave the future until I am no longer in Kate's class. I have enough to deal with already."

She pushed past him, making her way up the stairs to her own room, the door slamming shut behind her.

What the hell had just happened?

With a shake of his head he turned to his office, to sit alone and write.

* * *

><p>Monday morning came too quickly and Kate found herself, standing, with her hand gripped around the handle to the auditorium style classroom for the first time in five days. She kept telling herself that she shouldn't be worried. She had done nothing wrong and yes, her picture had been plastered all over the front of page six the day before, but that did not change the fact that she was a professor. She had a class to teach. Besides, it was the beginning of Murder Week and, recently, she had become somewhat of an expert on murder mysteries. In fact, she had the entire Richard Castle collection loaded onto her Kindle. Not that she would ever admit that to him, of course.<p>

It had been surreal seeing her picture in the paper. Yes, she had had articles published and given lectures. Her name had been in print and she had even done a little freelance writing upon occasion for her collegiate newspapers but this was different. This wasn't her giving her opinion or making a statement. This was about her. She was in the spotlight and Kate wasn't sure exactly how she felt about that. Being in New Orleans had been an escape, just like it had been the year before, a way to get back to reality but as the plane rolled to into the terminal at JFK reality had settled back down over her. Over them.

She still had the twist-tie. It had stayed firmly wrapped around her finger while they had lazed the morning away in bed, nursing their hangovers with lattes and Eggs Benedict. Rick had kissed it when they stood, wrapped around each other, in the shower. She had sported it proudly as they made their way onto the plane in New Orleans and back off, walking hand-in-hand through the jungle of New York. She had slept with it, alone in her apartment Sunday night, when Rick had wanted the evening to talk to Alexis and his mother.

It had felt strange sleeping alone after spending so much time sleeping next to a warm body again but even though she had been alone, she hadn't felt lonely. That's what that little piece of plastic and wire told her. She wasn't alone. Not that being alone was a bad thing, she had enjoyed it for a little while but there was nothing weak about admitting that she wanted to be with someone. Life was better spent with someone at your side, someone to have fun with, a shoulder to cry on, and an arm to support you when you're down. It's not a weakness to want someone, to need someone. It's a strength.

Kate Beckett was beginning to see that.

Kate took one last breath and pulled open the door to the classroom. The room was full, as always, and Alexis and Andrew were perched in their new seats in the front row: wide-eyed, expectant. She winked at the pair as they stared at her and her hand drifted to the pocket of her dress pants where the twist-tie hid, safely out of sight of prying coworkers and co-eds. Alexis ducked her head in reply, hiding her eyes from Kate's gaze and Kate cocked her head at the girl, questioning. She hadn't spoken to Rick since they had said goodbye the night before but she should. It seemed like there was something she had missed.

Kate nodded to Dr. Miller, one of the department heads who was sitting in the back row of the room, pen and pad at the ready and made her way over to the lectern, shaking the mouse on the desk to wake the computer.

"Good morning all, I apologize for the cancelled class on Friday but since we were not able to go over the midterm, as planned, if you have any questions about your grade please come and see me during office hours. I unfortunately, will not be able to hand your exams back or answer any questions via email. Dr. Miller, who will be observing all of the classes for the rest of the semester, will also be sitting in on any office hours meetings."

Her eyes drifted around the classroom and a few students ducked their heads, embarrassed, while others looked at her quizzically. Apparently word hadn't worked its way all the way around the classroom yet. That would probably change by the end of the hour as some people started to twitter amongst themselves.

Kate cleared her throat and pulled up the short power point presentation for the day. It was Mystery Week. Very apropos, seeing all the mysteries currently floating around.

She had to give the students credit; their eyes didn't glaze over at quickly as usual as she gave her presentation on murder mysteries throughout the centuries ending with some of the modern "classics" and the promise of a mystery guest speaker for the next class. Even though, with the number of gasps and squeals emitted by the female population in the class, if she had to guess, they already knew whom the speaker would be.

Kate looked back down as she gathered up her belongings, scribbling some notes to her self before she forgot them on the walk back to her office. The last of the students clomped out of the classroom, their muffled conversations dying with the slam of the door and a slow clap erupted, causing Kate's head to snap up.

"I have to say, Professor Beckett, watching you work is an inspiration. Someone should write a book about you."

"What are you doing here?" Kate hissed as Castle walked up to her, gathering her books out of her arms and cradling them against his chest as he motioned for her to lead the way out of the room.

"I missed you," Castle explained, his lower lip jutting out as he turned around to walk backwards so he could see her face.

"It's been twelve hours," Kate shot back.

"Maybe in time, but in my heart it has been twelve years. I don't know how I survived, really. It was torture, pure torture. I honestly just thought about ending it all and throwing myself into a tub of Chunky Monkey with a tablespoon. A teaspoon wouldn't have cut it. I'm serious," Castle lamented as she unlocked the door to her office and he followed her inside, taking his usual seat across from her desk as she arranged herself behind the computer.

"You're seriously deranged." Kate replied with a roll of her eyes, attempting to bite back her smile.

"Admit it," Castle prodded, leaning forward. "You missed me, too. I bet you slept in the shirt you snuck from my suitcase, don't think I didn't see you, because it smelled like me."

Kate rolled her eyes again. "I did not."

She did.

"Yes you did. I know you Katherine Beckett. I know when you are lying."

"I am not lying."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Admit it. You missed me last night just as much as I missed you."

Kate leaned forward to answer him, her words dying on her lips as something poked her thigh and she reached into her pocket, lifting her hips slightly, to pull out the silver makeshift ring, which she held with her thumb and index finger for a moment before sliding it over the trunk of the lead "parading" elephant. A smile ghosted across her lips.

"Fine, I missed you," she replied, her eyes tearing away from the silver ring to look at his eyes, which were glued to the ring, as well.

A silence settled between them, the reality of the situation finally settling between them. There was no more fancy dresses or never ending flow of champagne flutes. The privacy of the hotel room was gone. They were back, in the real world, with daughters and mothers, employers and paparazzi.

"I meant what I said," Castle began slowly. "I do want to marry you someday."

"I know," Kate replied, her voice low. "Someday. How about if we go on a second date, first?"

Castle let out a chuckle. "Sounds like a plan. How about tonight?"

Kate let out a sigh. "I can't tonight. I promised my mom I would come over for dinner. She wants to grill me about the weekend, I'm sure."

Castle smiled as she rolled her eyes with an overly dramatic groan. "Admit it, you like it."

"Never."

"How about you invite them over for dinner at the loft? We can face the firing squad together."

Kate's teeth sunk into her bottom lip. Debating. She shook her head slowly. "Not this time."

Castle's face fell, as he nodded in reply.

"It's not that I don't want…"

Castle's nod cut off her explanation. "No, I get it, you need to spend time with your parents. Will I see you later?"

Kate looked up at him, trepidation still etched on her face as her hands pressed on the desktop. No, she was not allowed to think too much about this, to make mountains out of molehills. "What? You don't think you could spend another night without me?"

"Oh, I think I could. I just don't want to."

Kate's breath caught in her chest. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Her lips moved to say something, anything, but he was speaking again, pulling her out of her head before she could fall too far down into her spiral of thoughts.

"Admit it," he leaned over her desk to whisper down at her. "You don't want to spend tonight away from me, either."

Kate let out a shaky breath, that's all he was saying, nothing more. "Never."

She let a sly grin slip as he leaned down to steal a kiss. "Meet you at your place at nine?"

"Hmm, I don't know. What's in it for me?"

"I'll make you pancakes," Castle negotiated as he backed towards her office door.

"Pancakes? Really? Well in that case…"


	29. Chapter 28

Back to Where We Have Never Been 

A/N: As always, thank you for your patience, kind words and support. I appreciate it all. :)

Without further ado, here is chapter 28!

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 28<span>

"Let me see your hand."

Kate looked up from her phone as the door to her parent's apartment burst open and she was met with the demand from her mother.

"Hi, Mom, nice to see you too. How was your weekend? Mine was great," Kate responded as she stepped into the apartment and slid her phone into her back pocket so that she could bend over to tug off her boots.

"Katherine," Johanna huffed out as she made to grab Kate's left hand.

Kate gave up with a sigh, and lifted her arm so that her hand dangled in front of her mother's face. "There's nothing on it."

"I can see that," Johanna huffed again. "So, what happened?"

Kate shrugged as she wrapped her arms around her stomach and made her way to the kitchen, bending over to give her father a peck on the cheek as she passed by him perched at the kitchen table reading the paper. "Hey, Dad."

"Hi, Katie, I hear you're getting married, again," Jim called out as he raised his head from the paper with a smirk and threw a wink at his wife.

"I'm not getting married," Kate voiced, her tone bordering on a whine. "At least not yet."

"Okay," Johanna interrupted, grabbing the wine glasses out of Kate's hands to fill with the open bottle of Pino Noir set on the counter. "Spill. What is going on?"

Kate shrugged again as she lifted the proffered glass to her lips, "We went out to a charity thing, Castle was arguing with his ex about something, I guess me and he yelled out that he wanted to marry me. I said that I would want that too, someday, not now. He agreed."

"So, you're engaged?"

"No, we're not engaged." Kate argued as she leaned her hip against the counter, letting out a slight laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. "We're going on a second date. Then we'll talk about it."

Johanna hummed again. "So, he said that he wanted to marry you…"

"Someday."

"Someday. And you said that you wanted to marry him, someday?"

Kate nodded her head slowly in confirmation. "Yes. So?"

"So, that means you're engaged."

"No it doesn't. It means that we are almost semi-engaged."

"Almost semi-engaged?"

"Yeah, you know…" Kate waved her free hand in the air, looking for the words to describe their current situation but coming up at a loss.

"Uh huh," Johanna responded, her arms crossed over her chest, eying her daughter critically. "Are you sure this is a good idea, Katie? You barely know the man."

Kate's head shot up to look at her mother, shock and betrayal etched on her face. "What do you mean 'is this a good idea'? We've known each other for long enough, plus I love him. First Mark take's too much time to propose, then Rick does it too soon? When is it supposed to be right, Mom? It feels right this time. Nothing is wrong."

Johanna sighed. "It's just that he's been married twice already, Kate. How do you know he isn't going to fall hard then give up? I don't want you to get hurt again."

Kate looked down at her bare toes wiggling on the wood floor, and shook her head, her braided hair flopping against her shoulder with the motion. "He's not like that, Mom. He's the one that's tried to make them work. It's not going to fail this time, for either of us. Besides…"

Kate's voice trailed off as her cheeks turned pink and she bit her lip as she smiled into her wine glass.

"Besides what, Katie?"

"Besides, I'm the one that's going to propose. When I'm ready, I'm going to ask him."

Johanna sighed as she sank down onto the couch, reaching out for her daughter's hand to pull her down beside her. Kate sank down into the cushion, curling her body into her mother's side. "Thirty-two years Katie and I still have the hardest time understanding you. I like Rick, I really do, he's a good man, but how are you so sure?"

Kate shrugged as she laid her head on her mother's shoulder. "I don't know. He annoys the hell out of me half the time but he knows me better than any person I have met. He can look at me and know exactly what I am thinking without me having to say a word. He…"

Kate's voice trailed off and Johanna brought a hand up to run over her daughter's head.

"Just wait until you are ready, Katie."

Kate nodded against her mother's shoulder. "When we both are."

* * *

><p>"Richard?"<p>

Castle mumbled a response, his eyes never leaving the computer screen in front of him as his mother breezed through the doorway to his office.

"Richard, what are you doing? I've been calling your name for the last five minutes. What do you want for dinner?"

"Anything's fine," Castle murmured in response, his chin propped in his left hand as his right controlled the track pad of the laptop.

"What are you looking at?" Martha questioned, rounding the desk, as her son continued to ignore her in favor of the computer screen. "Are those engagement rings?"

"What, hmm, yeah. What do you think?" Castle questioned, breaking out of his daze to scroll through the screen to point out some of the ones that he marked. "I'm thinking one of these."

Martha sighed as she turned to lean against the corner of her son's desk. "I think that you need to make sure that this is what you actually want."

Castle's finger paused mid scroll, as he turned to look at his mother, confusion etched on his face. "What do you mean? You know this is what I want."

Martha sighed again, "Have you talked to Alexis?"

Castle leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I have. She's not happy but there is nothing I can say. She won't listen to me."

Martha sighed, "I think there is more going on with her than you realize. Talk to your daughter, Richard. Then go talk to your girlfriend and make sure that, now that you are back in the city and reality has set back in, that you are on the same page."

Castle sighed as his mother wandered out of the office and he looked back at the screen, letting his eyes wander over the images of diamonds and yellow and white gold before shutting the computer with a thump.

* * *

><p>"You're quiet tonight," Kate whispered as he wrapped his arm tighter around her middle squeezing her body further towards him as they lay in the middle of her bed. The sheets and blankets pooled around them, engulfing them in a pile of soft cotton and down.<p>

He snuggled his head further into her shoulder and his other hand came up to rest on the pillow above her head, his fingers playing with random strands of hair that had fallen loose of her braid. "I'm just thinking."

"About what?" She turned her head, her lip brushing his forehead as she spoke.

"About you, Alexis, everything."

Kate let out a hum of acknowledgement. "Is everything okay with Alexis? She wouldn't look at me in class today."

Castle sighed softly into her skin, his breath bathing her shoulder, causing it to goose pimple. "I don't know. I haven't seen her since last night. She won't talk to me, either. I know she isn't happy but she won't tell me why other than she thinks we are moving too fast, that's I'm going to get hurt but there is something else... I just don't know."

"Yeah, I got the 'it's too soon speech' from my mother today, too. Do you want me to talk to Alexis, see if I can find out what's bothering her?"

Castle shook his head into her shoulder. "No, she's my daughter, I'll figure it out."

Kate's body stiffened as he tilted his chin to place a kiss on her neck, just below her ear. His hand slipped down to cup her bare hip as his body relaxed against hers and he slipped into sleep. Kate's eyes peered through the dark room to stare at the ceiling above as she drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly her bottom lip worrying between her teeth. Yes, she was his daughter but if they were going to be together, shouldn't they be in that together, too?

And what exactly did he mean by 'everything'?

* * *

><p>Kate's eyes drifted down to her cell phone one more time as she sat at her desk. She reached out a finger and tapped on the screen until she found the correct number, her finger pausing over it. She let out a sigh and reached up to press the button on the top of the phone, effectively putting it back into sleep mode. She would give it a couple of days, if the girl had issues about her and her father then she could come to her about them. If it was something else then Kate could pry them out of her later.<p>

She couldn't say that she and Alexis had a great relationship or even possibly a good one. It was more that of being respectful acquaintances than anything. Kate admired the girl, she was smart, funny, sweet and had a great relationship with her father but at the same time there was a wall, a boundary in place. It could be because Kate was also her professor or it could be for other reasons also. That, Kate couldn't tell.

Another sigh wheezed from her lips and she pushed her phone aside, reaching instead for a stack of papers. She grabbed a pen from the cup beside her computer and her lips tilted up in a small smile as she stared at the word printed on the side.

_Muse._

Castle had had them made. The one that sat in his office in the loft said _Writer_. Part of her swore he did it just to annoy her. He knew that she hated the phrase. _His muse._ But he had presented it to her with a flourish anyway, a wide child-like grin plastered across his face. There had been no way that she could be mad at him, not with that look staring back at her.

Now, though, she had to admit that she was mildly irritated, to say the very least. She had ignored it, pushed it down, while they had been eating breakfast: pancakes and bacon. She hadn't mentioned it while she was in the shower and he was sitting in bed playing Angry Birds on his phone and she hadn't brought it up when they were parting ways on the sidewalk for her to go to campus and him to go back to his apartment. But it was there, the fact that there was a part of his life that he didn't want her in on. That relationship he had with his daughter. It wasn't that she was jealous, because she wasn't. It just didn't feel right for her to be shut out.

"I know that look."

Kate paused as she heard the voice from the man standing in the doorway. Slowly her eyes drifted up and her heart started to pound in her chest as she felt her mouth go dry. Her eyes drifted over his body, the way he was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest, briefcase hanging off of shoulder.

"Hi," she greeted as their eyes met through the lenses of his glasses and his mouth tilted up in a half smile as he pushed off of the doorframe and took a couple of steps into the office, leaving the door open behind him. "What are you doing here?"

Mark shrugged as he stood awkwardly in the middle of the office, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he shrugged. "I'm in the city for a conference, thought I would stop in and say hi. See how you were doing."

"I'm, I'm good," Kate responded, her grip on her pen tightening. "I heard you got tenure, congratulations."

Mark tilted his head to the side, studying her. "I told you, I know that look, Katie. I know you're not good. That's your 'something is bothering me and I am pissed off about it but I am not going to say anything because I am stubborn' look."

Kate shook her head as she dropped her pen to her desk and leaned back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest. She ran her tongue over her teeth behind her closed lips and considered the man standing in front of her for a second. "It's none of your business, Mark. Why are you here?"

Mark sighed as he moved forward and sat down in one of the chairs in front of her desk. Kate's eyes flickered to it. That was Castle's chair. "I wanted to talk to you. We never really had the chance to talk about things when we broke up. I was wondering if you would have time to grab a cup of coffee, maybe some lunch?"

Kate regarded him for a second before jerking her head down in a single nod. "Yeah, sure. I can get lunch."

* * *

><p>"You look good, Kate. I've missed you," Mark started as he smiled across the small bistro table at her. A chill was starting to nip at the air and Kate pulled her coat tighter around her as she leaned back, legs cross, arms wrapped around her waist.<p>

"You look good, too. What have you been up to?" Kate replied as she lifted a hand to swipe an errant lock of hair that the breeze blew into her mouth.

His lips lifted into a sad smile, the fact that she hadn't said she missed him too not lost on him.

"Teaching mostly, a couple projects here and there. I've been invited to lecture in Japan next summer," Mark offered, his fingers flicking at the corner of his menu.

Kate nodded, her middle finger picking at the cuticle of her thumb.

"You been seeing anyone?" she asked quietly after a beat.

Mark glanced up at her from where he had been staring down at the menu, mindlessly reading the words. "No, I, well, I've been on a couple of dates but nothing serious. So, no, not really. Janet is having a baby, though."

Kate smiled at the thought of Mark's baby sister pregnant. "She and Tim must be happy."

A smile bloomed over Mark's face. "Yeah, yeah they are. It's a girl."

"Tell them congratulations for me."

"I will…" Mark's voice trailed off for a moment. "I, um, I saw your picture in the paper the other day. It said that you were engaged to Richard Castle."

Kate let out a short laugh. "Yeah, that."

"Yeah, that. So, you two are seeing each other?" Mark asked quietly.

Kate's gaze drifted to the street for a second before looking back at him, her fingers coming up to press over her mouth. "Yeah, we are. We're not engaged, though. The papers got that part wrong."

Mark nodded, his head bobbing a couple more times then necessary as he processed the information. "How long?"

Kate glanced up at him, her eyes dropping to the table before bouncing back up to look at him again. "About a month. Two I guess if you count the time that we've been hanging out and not actually 'dating'."

Mark nodded again, letting out a relieved sigh. "So you two weren't… I mean, you weren't seeing him when we were still together?"

Kate's eyes darted up to look at her ex-fiancé, wide with shock. "What? Mark no… I would never. We didn't, I promise. I didn't have an affair with him. I _never_ cheated on you."

Mark nodded again, bringing a hand up to run through his hair, scratching the back of his neck. "So, what happened between us? Why then?"

Kate ducked her head to look at the table, her brow scrunched as she carefully chose her words. "We both changed, Mark, and we didn't change together. Everyone kept on telling me that I had changed, that I was different than I used to be and I finally stopped to look in the mirror. I looked and I didn't recognize the person staring back at me. I didn't recognize her and I didn't like her. I didn't like who I had become…"

"Who you had become with me." Mark stated.

Kate could feel the tears pricking at her eyes at the dejected tone in his voice. "Yeah, Mark, the person I became with you. We just, we weren't right for each other and we couldn't see it."

Mark took in a shaky breath. "Thank you, for telling me the truth."

Kate's lips twisted up in a sad smile and she gave him a short nod in return, her arms tightening around her middle.

The waitress chose that moment to approach the table, a wide, slightly hesitant smile on her face. They both placed their orders, glancing back up to look at each other after the girl was gone.

"So," Mark continued a moment later. "What have you been up to?"

Kate looked at the man sitting across from her with a small smile gracing her lips. "Oh, you know, the usual. Dating a famous author, have my own apartment, might be fired from my brand new job."

Mark looked up with a start. "Why? What happened?"

Kate let out a humorless laugh as she leaned forward, her elbows propped up on the table as she rehashed the story of her inquiry; the tension seemingly seeping from the table, floating away with the cool November breeze. The tips of her ears burned red as she gracefully attempted to gloss over the more, intimate, parts of the embarrassing situation that led to the situation in the first place.

They talked through their drinks being set on the table, and they even managed to laugh a couple of times as they worked their way through their meals, stopping only when their plates were clean and the chatter had died into a content silence filled with them staring at each other across the table.

"I, um, I should go," Mark stated after another quiet moment filled only with the sound of passing traffic and wordless chatter. "I have a meeting in a few minutes."

Kate nodded, pushing herself out of her seat. "It was good to see you, Mark."

"It was good to see you, too," Mark replied as he mirrored her action until they were standing awkwardly on the sidewalk staring at each other.

Kate took a step forward and lifted her arms to wrap around her ex-fiance's neck, hugging him tightly as he buried his face in her shoulder.

"Are you happy, Katie?" He asked quietly as she pulled back and she reached up a hand to cup his cheek, her thumb gliding gently over his skin.

"Yeah, Mark, I really am."

"Good. I'm glad. I, um, I will always love you, you know."

Kate gave him a sad smile before nodding her head and lifting herself up on her toes to kiss him gently on the cheek, before pulling back, letting her hand drop at the same time, shoving it into her pocket as she took a step back, readying herself to turn the opposite way down the sidewalk. "Part of me will always love you, too."

* * *

><p>"What do you want to do tonight?" Andrew asked as he and Alexis made their way across the crosswalk, dodging other pedestrians and cyclists.<p>

Alexis shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not really in the mood to go out. I might just stay home."

Andrew let out a sigh. "What is going on with you lately?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired," Alexis countered, a little too much bite behind her words.

They made it to the sidewalk, turning towards the small sandwich shop and Alexis stopped, staring straight ahead.

Andrew paused and turned slightly to look back over his shoulder at his girlfriend. "Alexis, what's wrong?"

Alexis shook her head before dropping her gaze, a hand flying up in apology. "I, um, I have to go, I'll see you later."

"Wait! Alexis? What's wrong?" Andrew called after her as she fled down the sidewalk in the opposite direction as they had been walking.

He called after her again before turning to look behind him, trying to spot whatever she had seen. His eyes grew wide as he saw Professor Beckett lean up on her toes to kiss a man on his cheek, a man who definitely wasn't Alexis's father.


	30. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

When he didn't answer the phone on Monday night when she called to see if he wanted to get dinner she rolled her eyes, blaming it on falling into a writer's trance.

When he didn't call her back on Tuesday to grab lunch, dinner, spend the night or confirm that he was coming to speak to the class on Wednesday she was irritated.

When he didn't show up to class on Wednesday she was royally pissed off and when she noticed that Andrew and Alexis weren't in class either her anger turned to concern.

The phone was still ringing in her ear when she knocked on his door an hour later, her leg jittering as she cursed at her phone when it went to voicemail for the fifth time in a row.

"Where have you been? I've been worried sick!" She exclaimed as the door swung open and a disheveled Richard Castle filled the doorway. She looked him up and down, sniffing slightly as she pushed past him into the apartment. "And are you drunk?"

Castle ran a hand through his hair before crossing his arms over his t-shirt clad chest. A pair of worn sweatpants completed his outfit.

"I've been writing," he replied nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders as he turned to walk back to his office.

"Seriously, Rick? Writing? I know you and I know you wouldn't blow me off to write. You were supposed to come to class today, remember? Talk about the wonderful world of mystery novels," Kate stalked after him as her hand clenched at her side. At the moment she didn't care if she sounded angry or hurt or bitchy because she had every right to be all of those things. "What about Andrew and Alexis, are they okay? They weren't in class today either."

Castle just shrugged again as he plopped back down in his chair and turned his attention back to his laptop. "I'm sure they're fine. Alexis was saying something about dropping the class, though."

Kate pulled back like she had been slapped. "She said she's what? Why?"

"You know why."

Kate took a step back from the desk, her brow creased in frustration as she stared at the man who had been ignoring her for days, who had failed to greet her with a kiss at the door, and who was now focusing back in on his computer screen.

"Okay," she stated calmly, forcing herself to push her anger down as she paced the room, a hand reached out in front of her, fingers spread. "It is pretty obvious that you're mad at me but could you clue me in as to why? Because as of right now I have no idea what I did to any of you."

Castle's eyes flickered up, a flash of anger greeting her. "Alexis saw you, on Monday."

Kate hesitated for a moment. _Okay… So, Alexis saw her on Monday. Yes, she did, she was in class on Monday. They did see each other. What else had happened on Monday?_

She shot him a questioning glance and Castle huffed as he pushed himselfout of his chair and stalked around the desk. "At lunch, Kate. She saw you with the guy."

Kate's brow furrowed again. "Wait, with Mark? What does that have to do with anything?"

Castle stopped, his head shot up, eyes wide. "Mark?"

"Yeah, he was in town for a conference, wanted to have lunch…" Her eyes narrowed as she stared at him, studying his reaction. "Wait, you think I was cheating you? Seriously?"

"I…" Castle's voice trailed off as he ducked his head to look at his feet before glancing back up at her, regret etched on his face.

"You did. You thought I was cheating on you," Kate confirmed as she felt the anger and disbelief swelling in her and she let out a startled laugh.

"You're not?" Castle questioned followed by a wince for the look she shot him.

"No, I'm not cheating on you." Kate spat out as she turned to walk to the opposite wall of the study, her arms curled up to rest on top of her head as she shook it from side to side in disbelief.

"Kate, I'm sorry, Alexis said…"

Kate let out another laugh. "Alexis said she saw me with another guy and instead of confronting me about it, asking me, you shut me out and locked yourself in your office to stew in your anger."

She turned back around to face him, her eyes flickering over his face, reading his expression as his gaze caste downward; avoiding her eyes.

"You don't trust me," She finally stated quietly, as the truth dawned on her from his silence. "You say you love me and you want to be with me, that you can't imagine your life without me but you don't trust me."

She shook her head as he took a step forward, a hand reaching out to her and she crossed her arms over her chest. Protective. Defensive. His hand dropped to his side, limp and he nodded in understanding. Her voice was low, controlled, when she spoke next, the anger and disbelief rushing out of her leaving only hurt in its place. "Just so you know, I was having lunch with Mark because he asked me to; he wanted to talk. He wanted to find out why I broke up with him. We had a nice meal, we chatted and I explained what happened and that I'm in love with you. You would have known that if you had asked me, or, God forbid, just picked up the phone Monday night when I called. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to leave."

She walked around him and out the door of his office to the living room.

"Kate, wait," Rick called after her as he filled the doorway of the office.

"No, Rick," Kate paused as she shook her head leaning against the open apartment door, her hand still gripping the doorknob. "You know, with everything I've been through in the past year, you're the one person who's been there for me, no questions asked. You trusted me, you believed in me even when I was so mad at you that I wouldn't talk to you. And now… So, no, Rick, you don't get to tell me to wait."

The door closed with a soft thud behind her and she made it to the elevator before she finally allowed herself to cry.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Frank," Kate sighed tiredly as she trudged through the open doorway of her parent's apartment building. "How's the grandbaby?"<p>

"Great!" Frank replied enthusiastically. "Little Elsie just turned seven months and she is all giggles and smiles. It's adorable."

Kate couldn't help but smile at the happy grandpa. "Great, that's great, Frank. I'm happy to hear that she's doing well. Are Stella and Steven getting any sleep?"

"Elsie is a little angel, sleeps straight through the night and when they need a night off Grandma and Grandpa are more than happy to keep the little bundle."

Kate laughed as Frank closed the door behind her and patted her on the shoulder. "You doing alright there, Katie?"

"I'm doing okay, Frank. Just a long day is all," Kate nodded at the older man as he walked beside her to the elevator.

"You know…" Frank waggled his eyebrows at her as the doors opened and she walked into the cart. "Frank Jr. is still single."

Kate smiled as she laughed, low and slightly forced. "Sorry, Frank, I'm still… I'm complicated."

Frank gave her a wink as she reached for the button and wrapped her arms back around her middle. "You're worth it."

Kate leaned against the back wall as the doors closed and the elevator began to ascend. She let out a sigh forcing herself to swallow the lump in her throat. She wasn't going to cry anymore. She wasn't.

The doors opened with the ping of a bell and she plodded down the hall to her parent's front door, her briefcase swinging against her hip. She knocked gently when she found the lock bolted and leaned against the door jam, her head resting against the wood as she heard the chain slide off and the deadbolt unlock.

"Katie? What's wrong?" Johanna's voice sounded, pulling Kate from her thoughts and back to reality.

She stared at her mother for a moment, blinking as she tried to formulate words before her chin crumpled and she fell forward to rest her head against Johanna's shoulder, sobbing into her shirt.

"Shh, Katie, it's okay," Johanna whispered into her daughter's hair. "It's going to be okay."

* * *

><p>"Why does it hurt so much?" Kate asked after she finished explaining the situation to her mother.<p>

Johanna looked down at her daughter from her position sitting against the headboard of Kate's old bed, Kate's head in her lap facing away from her. Johanna ran her fingers through her daughter's long hair, scratching her scalp gently as Kate swiped at her cheek on more time, stopping the last errant tear in it's tracks. "Because you're in love with him."

Kate let out a sardonic laugh. "That's original. You know, I promised myself that I would never be this girl, crying over a boy, and it seems like it's all I've done lately."

Johanna just hummed in response, not bothering to answer her daughter's statement. It wasn't the important one anyway.

"Please don't say it," Kate continued. "I know you're thinking it."

"Thinking what?" Johanna asked innocently.

"That you told me so. 'Katie, you're getting into this awfully fast. How well do you know him anyway? I just don't want to see you hurt.' You were going to say it."

Johanna leaned down and kissed her forehead. "You just need to get to know each other a little better, Katie. Talk to each other, talk to Alexis."

"Rick said he wants to handle Alexis," Kate defended weakly.

"And since when have you listened to what other people wanted you to do?" Johanna questioned.

Kate sat up to look at her mother and cocked her head to the side, considering the words. "Good point."

Johanna let out a chuckle as she pushed herself off of the bed and Kate crawled off after her. Kate's feet landed on the floor and her toe bumped something, the sound of plastic crinkling catching her attention. She frowned as she bent over and pulled out a heavy plastic bag, dumping the contents on the bed, a pile of economic theory books and comics that she had stored under the bed two summers before staring back at her.

"It's like two worlds colliding, isn't it?" Johanna mused coming up behind her.

Kate's lips tilted up in a smile. "I went from one extreme to another didn't I?"

Johanna clasped her hands on her daughter's shoulders, leaning around to kiss her on the cheek. "You just need to find the balance, Katie. You can't be too grown up but you're not a child anymore either. Calm down, talk to Alexis, talk to Rick. Slow down. Get to know them. You have all the time in the world because we both know this one is going to last."

Johanna turned towards the door, pausing as Kate called out to her. "Can I at least wait for him to come crawling back to me?"

Johanna winked at her. "Always."

* * *

><p>Kate looked up from her desk at the knock on her office door, calling out for the visitor to come in. She had made it back to her apartment from her parents' that morning to change and had managed her way through her Russian Literature class without an incident, even applauding one of her most improved students as he read an entire passage in flawless Russian.<p>

The door creaked open slowly and she found herself face to face with the guilt-ridden face of Alexis Castle.

"Hi Professor Beckett, can I come in? I would understand if you don't want to talk to me but I would like to speak to you," the girl fumbled quietly.

Kate waved her in with a small smile and a sigh. "Come on in Alexis, we do need to talk."

Alexis walked to the chair silently, sitting down with her bag falling to the floor at her side and her books held tightly in her lap. "I'm sorry."

Kate leaned back in her chair as she looked at the young woman sitting across from her. "I just want to know why, Alexis? What's going on with you? I thought we were getting along well."

Kate paused to sigh, her fingers coming up to rub the bridge of her nose as she continued. "I mean, I know it's not the perfect situation with everything that is going on but you said that you were okay with it, with me and your dad, so what changed?"

Alexis looked down at her hands, studying her fingernails before raising her head back up and looking her professor in the eye. "It wasn't supposed to affect me!"

Kate looked back at her, startled at Alexis' sudden outburst but waiting for her to continue.

"Everything was supposed to be perfect. Dad was happy, you were happy, classes were going good and I was being recruited by one of the top sororities. I know it shouldn't matter that much, it's just a sorority but it made me feel special like I belonged. They didn't care that I was Richard Castle's kid. They just wanted me for me. Or at least that's what I thought, but then one of the girls got drunk and let it spill that they only wanted me because of you because I could get the answers to your exams."

"Oh, Alexis, I'm sorry," Kate replied as she watched the girl deflate back into her seat.

"It shouldn't be this big of a deal but it's so hard to meet people who don't care who my father is. I mean it's not like he's Johnny Depp or Jason Bateman but still, I just want to introduce myself once without someone asking me if I can get my dad's autograph or tell me how much they love his books and then you came along and now I get it from two sides. If they don't want me for him they want me for you. They look at me in class too, you know. I hear the whispers. Wondering if I'm getting A's because you're sleeping with my dad. Stuff like this isn't supposed to happen in college. It's like being back in high school all over again. I'm tired of it!"

Kate listened as Alexis' rant wound down, waiting a beat before leaning forward in her chair, her elbows propped on her desk. "Okay, what would you like me to do?"

"What?" Alexis asked, her eyes snapping up.

"What would you like me to do? Do you want me to break up with your Dad, to make a public announcement that you have no knowledge of my exams or lesson plans? Do you want to drop my class? I can start giving you C's if you want. Just tell me what you want me to do."

Alexis deflated further into her chair. "Nothing. It's not your fault. I just… I had to have someone to blame and you were convenient."

Her eyes flickered back up to meet Kate's. "I'm sorry. I do like you and I know you make my dad happy. I'm sorry about Monday, also. I just saw and I assumed and I was already so upset over everything else. My dad told me what you said."

Kate nodded at the girl. "Apology accepted but next time you have a problem with me come and talk to me, okay? Passive aggressive isn't a good look on you. And for the record, I would never cheat on your dad."

"I know," Alexis nodded. "Are you two going to be okay?"

Kate sighed. "We'll see."

Alexis nodded as she stood from the chair and turned back towards the door, with a small wave and made her way out into the hall.

Kate leaned back in her chair as the door clicked shut and sighed up at her ceiling.

"It's never easy, is it?" She asked the silent room.

She stared at the ceiling for a few minutes longer, her eyes roaming over the dimpled ceiling tiles, tracing the lines with her eyes, before her computer pinged alerting her to a new email. Slowly she lifted her head and used her heels to pull the rolling chair the few inches to the keyboard so she could type in her password and click on the icon.

The new message popped up and her eyes widened as she saw the contents of the letter. She had not been expecting that.

* * *

><p>Castle's knuckles rapped on the wooden door gently as he waited nervously in the hall, wiping his sweating palms on the sides of his thighs. He listened as the chain slid over and the deadbolt clicked open.<p>

"Hi," he greeted nervously as he came face to face with Johanna Beckett. "I'm here to see Kate. She is here, right? I tried her cell and her apartment. I figured since she wasn't there then she would be here. She does normally have dinner with you on Thursdays."

Johanna nodded tersely as she opened the door a little wider. "She's here, Rick. Come in."

Castle gave a small smile and thank you as he stepped over the threshold and came face to face with Jim Beckett, who was watching him silently with a stern expression and his arms crossed over his chest. "Mr. Beckett, it's nice to finally meet you. I wish it were under better circumstances but it's nice nonetheless."

Castle gave a small wave as he bumbled through this greeting to the older man. Jim Beckett may not be a large man, but Castle could definitely tell where Kate got her intimidation ability. At first Castle has thought it was from Johanna alone but now he wasn't quite sure.

"Hey Castle."

Castle jumped into a turn when he heard Kate greet him from the kitchen, walking into view with a dishtowel in her hands.

"Hi," he replied with a small smile, taking a step towards her. "Can we talk?"

When Kate didn't reply right away, Johanna cleared her throat, walking up behind her daughter and pushing her forward slightly. "I think that sounds like a fantastic idea. Come on Jim, I think I hear something in the bedroom that needs our attention."

Castle and Kate watched them with twin, amused expressions as Johanna pushed her husband away from the half-cleared dining room table towards the back hallway.

"She's subtle," Castle observed as the door clicked shut behind them.

"Always," Kate replied as she threw the towel behind her onto the counter and took another step into the living room.

"You know, this is the first time I've seen the both of you together. You really are the spitting image of your mother."

Kate gave him a small smile. "Everyone always said I got my mother's looks and my father's personality."

Castle nodded, his hands shoved in his pockets. "I can see that."

Kate looked down at her hands, her fingers running over her knuckles. "What's up, Rick?"

"I wanted to say I'm sorry for how I acted. I should have come to you, asked you what was going on before jumping to conclusions."

Kate nodded. "You should have."

"So, where do you want to go from here?" He asked when she didn't continue.

Kate looked down again, her eyes roaming from her bare feet to the row of books on her mother's bookshelf. _His books._ They then moved to the row of trinkets that had been collected over the years, pictures of their small family in various stages of life.

"I want to go back," she replied cryptically.

"Back? Back to where?"

"Back to the beginning, back to what we skipped. I want to go back."

Castle stared at her for a second before nodding in reply. "Okay. We can go back. Hi, my name is Rick, and I write tawdry books with no depth for a living."

Kate let out a small laugh as she took a step forward reaching her hand out to grasp his proffered one. "Hi Rick, it's nice to meet you, I'm Kate."

"Hi, Kate. So, what's your favorite color?"

"Purple."

"Purple," Castle nodded. "I can see that. Personally I would have guessed blue but purple will work, too. Purple is the color of royalty you know and royalty has to have a Castle so I guess we are a match made in heaven."

"That's the worst pick up line I have ever heard," Kate rolled her eyes as she led him over to the couch, curling up in the corner with her feet tucked under her as he settled into one of the overstuffed arm chairs.

"Hey, now. Shush. You are ruining my fantastic second first impression. Now, as I was saying…"


	31. Chapter 30

Back to Where We Have Never Been

A/N: This is it folks, just Chapter 30 and then the Epilogue. Thank you so much for all of your love and support for this story. I am still amazed at the response for this little tale. I truly hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I have loved writing it. Your kind words and support have been an inspiration.

This chapter is for AC. Happy early birthday! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 30<span>

"Meredith cheated on me."

Kate lifted her head from it's spot resting on his shoulder, her arm bending up so she could prop her head in her palm as she looked down at him as he laid next to her in his bed. She stared at him through the grey of night: silent, patient, waiting for him to continue.

"I thought everything was fine, that we were still doing okay. She was never the perfect mom and we had our problems; we were young, too young, but I didn't think…I never thought she would stray. Looking back, there were signs but I couldn't see them at the time. I was blindsided. So, when Alexis told me about you I automatically assumed the worst. But I know you… I know you wouldn't…"

Kate pressed her hand against his chest, through his t-shirt, as his voice trailed off. She shifted slightly so that her pajama clad knee rested on top of his, holding him in place, not allowing him any space to run at her next words.

"No, you don't." Her eyes dipped down to watch her fingers as they played with the neckline of his t-shirt; her pinky scraping against his Adam's apple gently, unconsciously. "You don't know that but that's okay. I'm not going anywhere, I'll convince you eventually."

Castle shook his head as his fingers ran up her arm to play with the thin straps of her tank top; a trail of goose bumps on her skin in his wake. His fingers dipped down to trail the neckline of her camisole and she sucked in a sudden breath as his lips met her clavicle, his words murmured against her. "You shouldn't have to convince me."

Kate let out a shaky breath as he pulled back, letting his hand drop down to the mattress between them. "So, you have trust issues. I have control issues. If you tell me to do something, chances are I will do the exact opposite just to spite you but if you ask nicely…"

Her voice trailed off as her hand drifted from his chest, to reach up under his shirt, skimming the strip of sensitive skin just above his pant line with her nails.

"Kate…" Castle warned, his eyes dark and his voice like gravel as she bit her lip to suppress her smile. "You shouldn't be doing that. You know this whole going back to the beginning thing, starting over."

"Yes, well." Kate argued as she lowered her lips to his neck. "You should have thought of that when you were kissing me good night at my door, instead of convincing me to pack a bag and come home with you. 'We can just cuddle' you said. 'Just to talk, Kate, I promise'."

Her voice dropped low as she attempted to imitate him.

"That was bullshit and we both know it. You wanted this to happen."

"It's been working so far," Castle argued as he squirmed, attempting to move his hips away from her hand without letting go of her body.

"Oh, please," Kate rolled her eyes. "That's why your hand has been working its way up under my shirt for the past hour."

Castle lifted his head from the pillow to look down at his arm, which was wrapped under her and around her back, holding her securely against him. His hand had started out on her hip but had drifted up under her shirt so that the fabric was now bunched under her arm and his palm was pressed against her ribs with his fingertips glancing against the side of her breast.

"Whoops," he murmured, his fingers stilling as he started to pull them away. "I can stop."

Kate's hand abandoned her torture of his stomach to press his palm to her side. "Don't you dare."

His eyes quirked in question and she shrugged in response, one shoulder moving awkwardly in the air as the other pressed into the mattress.

"There's a lot to be said about the merits of make-up sex."

Castle chuckled as he shifted his leg under hers, maneuvering her onto her back and rolling on top of her, causing Kate to let out a moan.

"Really? Already? I've barely even touched you." Castle questioned as he lowered himself down to kiss her jaw, his hands running up her arms, his fingers intertwining with hers, holding them still on the pillow above her head.

"Not you, the mattress. This has got to be the most comfortable bed I have ever been in. How come I have never slept here before?"

Castle froze, his cheek pressed against her, right below her ear. His breath bathing her neck. "Really? I am inches away from kissing that sweet spot behind your ear and you are moaning over my mattress? I feel slightly betrayed."

"It's a really comfortable mattress," Kate argued as she smiled up at him, arching her body up to meet his, giggling at the feigned hurt expression on his face.

"You giggled."

"I did not."

"You did, too."

"Nope. You'll never get me to admit it." She shook her head defiantly as she clamped her jaw shut, her lips pressed firmly together.

He laughed against her skin as his lips brushed that spot behind her ear, and she melted into the bed, her body going limp, as she let out another, deeper, moan.

"At least I know that one was for me."

"Nope, still the mattress," Kate panted, biting her lip as her eyes slammed shut and his lips continued their assault down her neck.

"Liar," he growled against her skin."

"I love you," she whispered into his ear in response as he pressed another soft kiss against her skin.

"I love you, too. I'm sorry I doubted you."

Kate squirmed against him as he pressed a firm kiss to the hollow of her throat, her hands still held in place by his. "You said that already. Now prove it."

* * *

><p>"When telling a story, one must think about many things. One must stay true to the characters and to the story but you must also think about the audience, what will keep them entertained."<p>

Kate sat back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest, resisting the urge to roll her eyes as Castle paced in front of her class Friday morning. 100 pairs of eyes trained on him, following him with rapt attention as he made his way from one side of the room to another, lecturing about the intricacies of mystery writing. Her eyes drifted to look over the class. They were all enthralled and at least they were paying attention to something. Her eyes met Alexis' and she gave the girl a small smile when the red head rolled her eyes at her professor good-naturedly. This wasn't anything the girl hadn't heard ad nauseam.

"…As for Derrick Storm, I need to be true to my characters and if my heart isn't in it anymore, then I can't write them the way that would do them justice. That is why I ended the Storm series and turned my attention to Knight and Rook, they were the characters, the story that spoke to me then and I feel like they will be talking to me for years to come."

Castle paused and clasped his hands together in front of him, rubbing his palms together as he looked at the students expectantly. "Questions?"

A couple of girls in the front row sighed, with dreamy looks on their faces, and this time Kate did roll her eyes as she squinted at one of the girls' eyelids, which had "I (heart) you" written on them a la Indiana Jones.

A hand raised in the back of the classroom and Castle pointed to the young man, bouncing on the balls of his feet as his eyes flickered over to Kate, momentarily as the boy adjusted himself in his seat and readied himself to speak. She gave his wide-eyed look of child-like glee an indulgent smile and turned her attention to the student as he started to speak.

"Is it true that Jade Knight was based off a real person?" The co-ed in yellow and blue t-shirt boasting the Undy-500 asked as his arm fell to his side.

Castle smirked at the young man, his eyes flickering back to Kate before turning back to the crowd. "Yes, she is, one of the best people I know, actually."

"Are you going to tell us who?"

Castle chuckled. "No, but if you're smart, you'll figure it out."

A couple of girls twittered in the front roll and this time Alexis did rolled her eyes and Kate smiled at the girl.

"Did you really shadow homicide detectives for research?" One girl squealed. Castle nodded and the girl let out an awestruck sigh. "That is so brave."

Kate choked back a laugh, covering it with a cough and Castle turned to look at her with a questioning glance, which she waved off with an innocent look and a swig of water.

"Yes, I did actually and while none of the material made it into my books since I decided to go another direction with Jade Knight, I did learn some important grains of information, some seeds of truth, if you will."

He began to pace the room again, a single hand gesturing out in front of him and Kate turned in her chair focusing all of her attention on him, wondering where he was going with this.

"The detectives I was shadowing, Ryan and Esposito, good guys, are incredibly dedicated to their jobs. They work long hours, over night, sometimes not sleeping for days at a time to try to find out the truth. Sometimes it wasn't very clear. You see, even when it isn't about something as serious as murder, people have a tendency to lie to protect themselves. It could be something as large as an affair or as small as stealing a pack of gum but all of those lies, in an investigation, add up and get twisted into a ball that inevitably explodes. It wouldn't matter how long and hard they had to work, those two detectives would search until the truth was exposed and it would have been so much easier for all parties if everyone had just told the truth about those little things from the beginning. The true killer would have been caught faster and fewer people would have been hurt in the long run. Inevitably all of the parties, especially those who lied in the beginning ended up hurt."

The room fell silent and Kate continued to stare at Castle as he tilted his head towards her, his eyes lingering on hers for just a moment too long before turning back to the students who were now mumbling amongst themselves.

"Now, if there are no other questions who would like an autograph?"

* * *

><p>Kate lifted her head from her desk the day before Thanksgiving break with a sigh when she heard a knock on the door.<p>

"Come in," she called through the wooden door and let out a small smile when she saw Rebecca poke her head in.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No, not at all. What's up?"

Rebecca settled into her chair across from her, leaning back with her legs crossed as she studied the woman behind the desk. "So, I had two extremely interesting things happen in the past week. First, I received an email with a letter from your ex-fiancé imploring the administration to reconsideration the investigation into you because of your past record and exemplary record and then I hear that your current man spent a good portion of his time with your class talking about the dangers of lying in an incredibly thinly veiled attempt to appeal to the conscience of your students."

Rebecca shook her head as Kate continued to stare at her with a raised eyebrow. "Well, guess what, sweetie. It worked. The girls came forward and admitted to lying in order to keep themselves from failing and the dean was swayed to take their confession as the truth because of the letter from Mark. Congratulations, Kate, your job is safe and you're still up for tenure next year."

Kate's jaw dropped open. She knew about the letter, Mark had CCed her on it a few days before, after they had had lunch. While she had been floored by the gesture, she hadn't expected it to actually work.

"Just like that?"

"Just like that, sweetie. You know, you have this amazing power over men. Even when we were in school, they would follow you around like love struck puppies. Tell me how you do it someday, would you?"

Rebecca gave Kate a wink as she turned and left the office, the door clicking quietly shut behind her.

Kate continued to stare at the closed door for a second longer before finally blinking, a smile spreading across her face. "Well, I'll be damned."

* * *

><p>AN 2: Once again, thank you for all of the loveballs. If you want to hear me geek out about random stuff on a daily basis, feel free to follow me on twitter (aspen_musing). And please check out my newest story World on Fire- chapter 2 will be up soon. :)


	32. Epilogue

Back to Where We Have Never Been

Epilogue

Kate huffed as she pushed a finger into one ear to dampen the sound of the murmuring voices and screaming children as she pressed the phone harder against the other. The wheels of her suitcase whirled along behind her as she made her way through the terminal at JFK, the sound only broken by the uneven ground and the bumps in the walkway. Her heels clicked on the tile floor, tapping out a familiar staccato pattern as she dodged milling patrons and small families, surpassing the people mover in favor of walking down the corridor. A businessman stepped out in front of her, his cell phone pressed against his ear as he negotiated animatedly with the person on the other end of the line. His briefcase swung out and Kate let out an exasperated huff as it came inches from her. The man turned to glance at her over his shoulder and she glared in response to his casual half-hearted shrug of apology.

"Yes, Mom, I'm still here," Kate replied into the receiver of her phone. "No, some idiot just cut me off. No not tonight. We'll be there tomorrow, I promise. Yes, we would love to have the pot roast. Yeah, Alexis and Andrew will be there. I got to go, we are almost at the baggage claim. I love you, too. Bye."

Kate slid her phone into her pocket and glanced over at the red head keeping pace beside her. Her lips flickered up in a smile as Alexis whispered into the receiver of her phone and blushed as she murmured her own "I love you" and hung up, mirroring Kate's action by sliding the phone into the back pocket of her jeans.

"How's Andrew?"

Alexis blushed again as she adjusted her carry on bag over her shoulder. "Fine."

Kate hummed knowingly in response and opened her mouth to reply when her phone chirped and she pulled it from her pocket with a small smile and a sigh.

"Is that Dad?"

Kate shook her head. "No, it's your grandmother. Your dad is still at his signing. It got held over."

Alexis bit back a smile. "Oh, okay, well in that case…"

Kate bit back a chuckle as she shook her head. "Go on, tell Andrew I say hi. I'll let your father know that he might see his daughter for dinner tonight."

"Thanks Kate," Alexis replied, her cheeks which had dulled to a pink flaming red once again.

She reached down to swipe her bag off of the carousel and was out the door with a wave and in the taxi line before Kate could even form a response. Kate shook her head once again as she glanced down at the address Martha had texted her for the signing. Her bag appeared around a bend in the conveyor and she bent over to pull it off.

The past eight months had gone by in a blur. She could still remember the nervous expression on Castle's face when he told her that Gina and Paula wanted him on another book tour over the summer and how she had countered with her own offer to go back to Moscow for the same months. She remembered that nervously excited expression on Alexis' face when she had asked if the girl had wanted to go to Russia, too and Castle's panic at the idea.

She was exhausted but she didn't care. They weren't supposed to have even arrived until the next day but she and Alexis had conspired to get themselves an earlier flight, because even with how amazing it had been to be back in Moscow, teaching in her second language and wandering the streets of a city she loved, she couldn't wait to get back.

Kate smiled at the attendant as he held open the door of the cab for her before pulling her suitcase around to shove it in the trunk, closing the lid with a couple quick slaps of his palm to signal to the driver it was safe to leave. The car took off with a murmur of her directions and the driver's grunt in reply. Kate suppressed a laugh, there was nothing quite like New York City cab drivers to let you know that you were home.

Home.

She could still remember that mirroring cab ride from two years before, her mind riddled with happiness, doubt, hope and loneliness as she was carted down the streets of The City. She could remember how foreign the city felt to her, how she itched to get out, to be anywhere else in the world. Now, all she could think was that this city was home. This is where she had grown up, where she belonged. Yes, she had strayed for a while. She had traveled the planet, gallivanting from foreign world to world, trying to find the right fit. She had set up roots across the country, attempting to make herself feel at home there, anywhere other than this city. But it had been wrong, it was always wrong. This was where she belonged. This was where she had dreamed about the last three months she had been in Moscow, this was to where she had wanted to come home.

The cab pulled to a stop in front of the building and Kate stumbled out of the door before leaning back in and shoving a couple of bills through the slot in the plastic divider. The doorman helped her pull her suitcase out of the trunk and she thanked him with a smile as she made her way through the lobby and up the elevator to the loft.

It had been a strange few months. The relationship had taken a turn, one that was strange yet comfortable at the same time. They had been the same as they had been before: the banter, the looks, the coffee, dates and sex but there had been an unspoken agreement: no talk about weddings, about babies, about the future. They were just enjoying being together. So, when Castle had handed her the palm sized package with a nervous look on his face, shifting from foot to foot as he stuttered through an incoherent explanation, her breath had caught in her throat. When she had finally forced herself to flip up the lid of the small box and found the key inside she couldn't explain the mix of emotions that had gone through her. Relief and disappointment jumbled together in her chest, making her chest clench as a smile flickered across her face and she pressed her lips against his with a murmured thank you.

She made quick work of her shower, pulling a clean outfit out of the closet with a quick sniff to make sure that the three months of hanging, stagnant, hadn't caused any strange smells to develop. A quick swipe of make up and a new pair of boots she was back out the door and winding her way down the sidewalk, dodging more pedestrians and happily breathing in the steaming smell of the city: a swirling cloud of garbage, exhaust, hot dogs and the occasional whiff of coffee. Her hand clutched the brass handle of the heavy wooden door and she smiled as the smell of paper, coffee, chocolate and vanilla wafted towards her.

It was good to be home.

The line was long, still winding through the stacks and Kate grabbed a book off of the table, giving a wink and short wave to Gina as she slid around the side of the store, making her way to the back of the queue. Gina gave her a small smile and wave in response before turning her attention back to the bookstore manager. They had reached a stalemate, they weren't exactly friends but they could be cordial. Kate rounded the corner to the end of the line and peaked around the stack, biting her lips gently as she smiled as he came into view, smiling pleasantly, if a little forced at the woman standing in front of him.

"What do you think the dedication means?"

Kate's head cocked to the side as a voice from behind her pulled her out of her thoughts and blatant ogling of her boyfriend.

"I don't know but if that statement were dedicated to me, I would be like anywhere any time."

Kate turned slightly to glance slyly over her shoulder. Two girls in short skirts and tank tops were crowded behind her, staring at the first page of the book. With a small smile, she opened the book cradled in her arms and read the dedication line of _Stalemate_. Her eyes grew big as she read the line again and couldn't help the small gasp that escaped her lips.

_I'm ready when you are._

Her eyes darted up as he smiled at another fan, handing the book back with parting words of thanks and she was forced to take yet another step forward. The girls behind her twittered again, oohing and awing over the first page and the photo of him on the back cover. She could feel the weight of the spine of the hardcover book pressing into her arm and she took another step forward, her mind racing, the world flashing by in a series of small step until she found herself at the front of the line staring at him over the desk as he stared at her book, her hands. He hadn't even looked up and she heard the small tired sigh that escaped his lips; the shadows under his eyes. No one else have noticed the fatigue, the way he was completely drained and wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed; no one other than her.

"To whom should I make it out?"

Her lips tilted up at his use of proper grammar, something that he would even get on to her about every once in awhile and she would combat by purposefully using the wrong words and ending her sentences with prepositions.

"Kate. You can make it out to Kate."

He froze at the sound of her voice, his pen posed over the cover page as his eyes swiveled up; the look on his face one of awe and disbelief. "You aren't supposed to be back until tomorrow."

"Surprise," she murmured through her smile as his lips broke into a wide grin, mirroring hers.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Their eyes locked as they stayed lost in their own little world, untold moments passing as they were caught up in their own. A throat cleared somewhere behind her in line and her head ducked as she pushed a clump of hair behind her ear and Castle shifted in his chair, his pen still posed over the page. He flipped to the dedication page, slowly, and his eyes darted back up to meet hers.

"What should I write?"

She didn't need any clarification— no grand speech or declaration. She could see it in his eyes, that silent question awaiting an answer.

She took another step forward, glancing around the bookstore, her eyes stopping momentarily on the literature section, the same shelf where they had met two years before in that very store. The front of her thighs pressed against the edge of the table as she leaned forward. "Well, we are back at the beginning and, from there, the only place to go is forward."

Castle stared up at her, his grin unable to grow any further across his face. "Forward?"

"Yeah, forward."

He looked down, writing something in the book carefully, with a delicate swirl of the pen before closing it and handing it back to her.

"Wait for me?" He asked as she turned to step back from the table.

Her head dipped down into a nod as she smiled back at him. "Always."

She rounded the desk, making her way to the far stacks, her section— their section. She placed the book on the floor gently before lowering herself down also, pressing her back against the shelf, crossing her legs in front of her. She ran her fingers over the cover gently, memorizing the details before flipping it open and allowing her eyes to roam over the four words written there.

_Will you marry me?_

She let out a laugh; the smile on her face threatening to break her in half as she leaned her head back to rest on the row of books behind her.

Despite her hesitation and worry, the arguments and battles. Because of the silent conversations and whispered confessions, the way he knew her better than she knew herself; the answer was yes. The answer was always going to be, and would always be, yes.

* * *

><p>Fin.<p>

* * *

><p>AN: Thank you.


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